Hello all, it is Christmas has been Christmas and will be Christmas again. There are ghosts some of the past, present, and future that forever will come and go and stay and leave.
Big stuff for me on Christmas:

Christmas vs Holiday?
well would you prefer Christ's mass or Holy day? pick one and get on with it either way you are getting words with a lot of baggage.

Family:
I love my family, I am staying with my brother and sister-in-law tonight, My niece was excited to see me which was shocking to me because she sees me maybe twice a year and she is less than two so there weren't very many chances for her to see me, so my brother and sister-in-law have put a picture of she and I on the background of their deskstop so she knows "Jushin" so I am fine being "Jushin" because she recognized me as soon as she saw me. I was so happy. She was sitting with her father in the balcony at church today, and I heard her scream from the balcony (because I was the one who carried her up there) "Jushin". A tear then rolled down my face.

I got my mothers car stuck on a downhill slope in snow. I was comming back from midnight mass and forgot that West Virginia (atually in this case Ohio) hills at night in the snow are hard to navigate.

Mass was great though, to be able to spend the first hour of Christmas in worship... that is wonderfull.

I have many other things to say but this is just my merry Christ's Mass post.

For all of you who ever check out my links, because you think I am so wonderfully awesome and you want to know and like the things I know and like (don't deny it, especially you, and yes I am talking to you) I have added a new link to a place called Red Hot Lindy Hop.

I know what you are asking, what is the "Lindy Hop?" that is a very good Question. It is a dance that was created in Harlem in the 1920's and 30's. Now the term is used to define an entire family of dance. The basics of the Lindy is that it derived from the Charleston and later a simpler version called the East Coast Six-Step was derrived from it.

Regardless of its past, the dance style is wonderfully fun, and since I have been swing dancing I have had to cinch the belt down a good bit tighter, and who would argue with that.

For my dedicated readers in Memphis, especially those who are looking for something to do, I recomend you check it out. I know what your saying, "Justin, isn't the Lindy Hop supposed to be a fast and difficult dance?" and that is a good question. My answer to that is yes, but they start off teaching the East Coast and Charleston. For all of you who knew me in Spring Sing years ago you might be saying, "But Justin I couldn't hang with your smooth moves in Spring Sing, how would I do it on the dance floor?" The simple answer to that is, you don't have to. Look, I know you won't be as good as I am, but we all have to start somewhere don't we, and the beginning is a good place to start.

For all of you who know me better and can see through my quips and whatnot I want to say that I have been dancing now for over two months, and believe it or not I really enjoy it. So if you are looking for a new hobby to get into, or want to interact with new people, people probably a good bit different than you, in a good way, you know they are good in all the ways you are bad :) c'mon and dance with me... Even if you are saying things like, "I have no internal Rhythm," I would say you won't know till you try it.

So to the three of you who read my blog, c'mon I think you'll like it.

if you read this, if your eyes are passing over this right now, (even if we don't speak often) please post a comment with a COMPLETELY MADE UP AND FICTIONAL memory of you and me. It can be anything you want – good or bad – BUT IT HAS TO BE FAKE. When you're finished, post this little paragraph on your blog and be surprised (or mortified) about what people DON'T ACTUALLY remember about you

I pulled this from hillarygayle's livejournal. I don't care if you post it on your blog but i think it can be intersting, espcially with all the things I have actually done.

Backpacking in Blaze Orange

Backpacking in Blaze Orange

Thanksgiving, flying home for Thanksgiving can be expensive if you also have to fly home for Christmas two weeks later, so I went backpacking instead. Thanksgiving can be a big day for hunters I guess, I really wouldn’t know I have never been hunting but my buddy had and recommended we Backpack in blaze orange just incase we get mistaken for an oversized 8 point.

We went to Land Between the Lakes and hiked about 17 miles of the Fort Henry Trail, about two and a half years ago I did the whole 26 miles with some other friends so I knew the trail well enough.

On the first day we hiked 11 miles, which is which, for me, is huge. I felt like I had really accomplished something as we sat later in the campsite. We went farther because there wasn’t water where I thought there would be, where there was two and a half years earlier, it had dried up or was simply drainage. Anyway there was no water, so we hiked a mile and a half farther than was the plan. The last mile and a half was on a ridge called the Devils Backbone. It isn’t as bad as it sounds it was actually pretty easy there are a few cool sections where is looks like we were hiking over a stegosaurus.

Anyway, we finally found water and set up camp. We then counted our miles and sat around the campfire I ate mac and cheese. It was getting cooler and cooler so I dawned my wool poncho on top of all the thermal and fleece stuff I was already wearing. Fell asleep around 8 in my 20 degree bag, woke up around 3 and put on more clothes because the temperature dropped like a rock off a giants bald spot. Around 4 woke up and decided to leave the tent for a second, went to unzip the outer zipper and found it had frozen. So I worked with it for a while because I really really desired to get out of the tent as quickly as possible. Finally got out stood straight up and the cold air felt like a brick against the forehead. So I took a tiny walk and returned to the tent, and my sleeping bag had never been so wonderful, so warm, and my mat so comfortable and I slept well till 7.

Woke up, my buddy made coffee, I don’t like strong coffee generally but it was hot and I was freezing. We took down camp, I left a stone as a witness that we had been there and we hiked out of the camp at the base of the Devil’s Backbone. We found out then from some hunters that at Land Between the Lakes offers dear hunting two days a year to like 1000 people. And those two days come the day after we leave, Saturday and Sunday.

So six miles later my buddy and I were in pain but finished. It was a great trip, and the greatest thing is that I finished. It feels so good to do because I am not incredibly athletic and have to work very hard at being healthy, I really feel good about completing goals that I set that have to do with my health. I exceeded my desires by going two miles longer than I thought and 11 miles on the first day. The second day I felt good (good means pretty sore in the legs but able to move), and I finished what I started.

When I need to I can divide my motivation in two. My body tells me that I can’t make it and it hurts too much, my head tells my body it will die if it doesn’t kick into survival mode.

What is Joy, knowing that my reserve can be stronger than my flesh.

Dancing the night away

Yesterday was an annual Associated women of Harding event in Memphis, called the “Pie auction.” It is a fund raiser for something or another, I went last year it was pretty exciting I ate a lot of pie and chili. There is a small expectation for me to go because I am part of the Student Association at Harding Grad school. This year when it came about and they said, “are you going to the pie auction?” I had to reply with, “no I already had plans.” In which they reply, “Oh, what are you doing?” and to that I respond, “Going dancing.”

People often tell me I need to exercise, the problem with exercise is that unless there is a specific goal, like, currently I am training to go backpacking so I do some stuff every day, but if there is no tangible goal then there is no motivation to me. In December I will begin my regiment of running again so I can run a 5K in March. So people tell me, “find a sport you like.” Problem is, the sport they are always talking about is Basketball, or Racket Ball, or Mountain Biking (which I don’t have the equipment for). It always shocked me that I currently have friends who go play at an undisclosed location in Memphis every Tuesday night for a few hours just because they like it, I went once hated it. Some guys love it so much they go to the “precinct.” They put up a dozen basketball courts by the police precinct, or at least one of them. They play during the summer and warm enough months all night and all day without stop. There would be games going on at 2:00 in the morning some nights. My buddy Andy (in Searcy) used to go play “pick up” games, and I just never understood. Of course I never understood because I don’t really care of it.

So I danced for three and a half hours on Saturday night. I have written before that I have gotten into swing dancing. I absolutely love it. I am getting good enough to actually enjoy it without having to think too much about it. I spent the entire night doing one kind of dance, it just so happened I could throw in enough natural spins and tuck turns to shake it up. The “New Memphis Hep Cats” played the dance there were probably 100 people there, some were ballroom type folks, I don’t have a problem with them, but I ran into them often enough (. I actually danced until my legs began to hurt and I was completely out of breath. I was drinking enough water to swim in and sweating like… hmm need a good simile… like all the men in my family sweat, of course no reason to be self conscience because everyone else if they don’t currently, will sweat heavily if they dance a lot.

Anyway this is a long post to tell you how much I have really enjoyed this, I found a type of exercise that really jives with me, I guess it must be all those years of Spring Sing. At the end of each song near the end of the last thirty minutes I felt like my legs were going to give in, but something drove me… then I understood why my old roommate would spend hours playing basketball with people he didn’t know…

So I am a seminary student in the Bible belt at a somewhat evangelical school. I turned down a pie auction where there would be no single women that weren’t widowed, and you know what… it was all worth it. I don’t think I have had that much fun in years.  

Sin

I was thinking this morning of the center of sin. CS Lewis thought of this as Pride as the opposing end of humility. This is one of the more orthodox ideas of the center of sin. Recent Systematic Theologians think of it differently (Cottrell, Grenz). I like the idea of Pride or moreso, Vanity. I do prefer the term Vanity instead of Pride, Pride can be a positive thing where Vanity is the dark side of Pride. However, it seems to me this does not describe the center as thoroughly as necessary.

If you ask someone what is stronger Pride or Fear I wonder what they would say. Does one’s Fear come from Pride, or does Pride come from Fear. This of it this way, one individual fears being abandoned and in turn chooses to respond to this by abandoning everyone in their life before they themselves are abandoned, or maybe even latching onto relationships and smothering people. This either way is a response of Fear. Pride then, how does it function in turn? Pride is what tells people that everything that happens to them is their own fault, it must be. Take the child who’s father or mother leave them. Forever believing that they (the child) are the reason, a child thinks first of themselves, that is how children are. So when anything happens in their world it must be their fault because they are at the center of the world, and nothing can happen in it without their specific action. Thus, when divorce happens it is often recommended tell the child over and over again almost to the point you are beating her or him over the head with it because that is how long it will take for them to understand.

Someone tells me they are moving out and finding their own apartment instead of rooming with me, is that my fault or not. Well it depends. This person tells me they need more space for their things or don’t find the privacy adequate. Sure that is fine, but does that have to do with me. My pride tells me yes, obviously they are moving because I did something, if only I were a better roommate it wouldn’t have happened and I wouldn’t be a lone. However in fact it has nothing to do with me, they need more space because they have a lot of stuff and are introverted so require a lot of time alone. In the end it has less to do with me than either (btw this is all hypothetical for anyone who knows me personally).

The last two stories interact with both fear and pride. The trigger in these situations is often fear instead of pride however the pride with what magnifies the situation. Think of two mirrors facing each other. When you walk between them you magnify infinitely. Think of one mirror as fear the other as pride, constantly feeding off each other magnifying each other.

The child feels abandoned which triggers fear, and then being self centered thinks obviously that it is his fault which is pride. Children are however different than adult, they are allotted a certain about of pride and fear, inasmuch as they grow out of it. Adults, however, should realize we are not the center of the world nor do we have control over everything.

If the roommate who stays around is bitter forever with the old friend, or begins to try and manipulate the other into staying they are acting in both a negative fear and pride(which I like to call Vanity).

well, I have been waiting for some big theological point to hit me, and many have but to turn them into good posts would require a lot of research I am not willing to do. So I will tell you about my day.

I forgot about the resetting of the clock today until I looked at my computer this morning and it had reset itself. It was cool though becaues I woke at 8 pre reset time which really meant 7. I don't leave for church until 10:30 so I had plenty of time to get stuff done, and I did.

I filled out a timesheet for my current practicum, my practicum this semester involves the power of prayer. I found last night at three AM an email that asked me to prepare the worship experience for church this morning, last night I did some small things but lets face it, it was late So I was planning on just throwing something together this morning. Well, it turned out I had time to do better, so I put together a nice little litany of songs and readings, Biblical, Creedal, and prayer, all oriented toward missions. I go to a house church so we can do things like that, and that makes it not strange that I am planning the worship experience. I also reedited a letter that I will send to Acedemic affairs at school.

Church went really well this morning, some of our church family from Searcy was in town today so it rocked. We watched a DVD on the housechurch movement in China. Hearing what they had to say reminded me of the first few chapters of the book of Acts.

After church a friend of mine invited me to a Taize worship at a local Episcopal church. It is a neat service, focused completely on prayer.

I have been struggling in prayer, it is almost like I am wrestling to keep my mind clear. Of course when I am through this I will not be called Israel. Prayer, when I think about how easy it is, I am reminded of the difficulties thereof. Prayer is ascendance into the throneroom of God so for me not something to be taken into lightly. I grew up praying simple requests of God. God help me on this test, God help me please my parents, God make that girl like me. To the last he said to me "Justin, I don't make people like me, why would I make them like you?" Currently I think of prayer as relationship, what do I think of people who always want something from me. I don't have God grace but I have to believe that he wants more of a relationship than a child to santa clause. This causes me to have an issue with praying over meals in public or when I am rushed, because I don't know how to make prayer rushed. Currently I am seaking God and I ask that he make me a light in the darkness.
Anyway
God Bless

lines I like with a little edge

Coolest lines
Remember when thinking of lines to add to this list, there has to be an edge to the lines that make them cool. Not like the guy in the PG-13 movie who you really hope makes it, but the guy in the Rated R movie you’re not so sure you know if you like yet.

I’m your huckleberry (Doc, Tombstone)
I have not yet begun to defile myself (Doc, Tombstone)
[…I love you!] I know! (Han, episode V)
Who’s your daddy, yes I am! (Zoot suit riot, Cherry Poppin Daddies)
Lots of people talking but few of them know, the soul of a woman was created below (Dazed and confused, Led Zeppelin)
Yes its true, this man has no d*ck (Peter, Ghostbusters)
How tall are you? [5 foot six sir] I didn’t know they stacked sh*t that high (Full metal jacket)
Ha ha ha Mikey, but if you call to soon you might scare off a beautiful baby who’s ready to party (Trent, Swingers)
And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee (either God in numerous prophets, or Samuel L Jackson from Pulp fiction, it works both ways)
[you do own rubber gloves] No I rent them with the option to buy (Fletch, Fletch)
[why don't you just go by Mike instead of Michael?] No way! Why should I change? He's the one who sucks. (Michael Bolton, Office space)
Its not that I want to kill her, I just don’t want her alive anymore (Stewie, Family guy)
Leave the Gun; take the cannoli (The Godfather)
Some day, and that day may never come, I will call upon you to do a service for me. But uh, until that day, accept this justice as a gift on my daughter's wedding day." (Vito, the Godfather)
Don Corleone, I am honored and grateful that you have invited me to your home on the wedding day of your daughter. May their first child be a masculine child (Luca Brasi, The Godfather)

What other lines do you think?

I am trying to post a picture my friend Mark took of me and Sarah. I can't say Sarah is the most faithful but she can be a comfort, she has a husband you know, Abraham, she pecks the feathers off his head so I often don't put pics of him up he tends to look slightly like a vulchure. It isn't neccissarily bad she overgrooms him, that is something bird mates do. I think I am going to end up making this pic my profile pic my other is absolutely horrid, and this one is a bit better.

Today I had Abraham up on my shoulder and I took him to the bathroom so he could look at himself in the big mirror, and I tried to nudge him from behind my head to my shoulder, and he flew off, which happens, and since his wings are clipped he tends to go at an angle down, he can't get even lift. He ended up in an open toilet. Scared me to death, I don't think he can swim and it was way to deep, instantaniously my hand was below him and lifting him out of the water. I had strong feelings over the incident, and remember that if you want to make some post about a bird in a toilet. You see, these animals depend on me to sustain their life, I feed them, clean them, and make sure they are safe. I don't think of it as a God to man relationship but as a parent to child relationship. I can't imagine these animals though they aren't always nice to me being hurt and especially it being my fault. Abe was a lot more docile, but I am sure it was because he was shaken up pretty badly. I am a single so I don't have children, I spent two years as a children's minister but I am sure that is different. I still had this inherent fear in me when we went on field trips when I was in charge, thinking, "I can barely keep my life together what about these kids." That is part of the reason I got the birds, to learn to take care of another living being. I think I will be a neurotic father, at least in the beginning. Anyway I am generally not this open on the blog but I am in an open mood, I can always remove the post later if I need to.
My first word when the bird hit the water was "shit!" and my first feeling was fear. There was no question as to whether I was going to put my hand in the toilet or even give it a thought, the movements were almost instantanious. I hate to lose people and things that are meaningful to me, especially people and things I love. Sometimes this gets me in trouble because I get over protective.

On another note, have you ever listened to the words of the song "one for my baby, and one more for the road" The singer is alone in the bar... he lost someone he loved. He has no real good way to deal with it, so he listens to music and drinks. The last lines say it perfect

Well, that's how it goes
And joe I know you're gettin' anxious to close
So thanks for the cheerI hope you didn't mind
My bending your ear

But this torch that I found
It's gotta be drowned
Or it soon might explode
So make it one for my baby
And one more for the road

Through the many singers, Frank does it best.

WARNING: I don't like to ruin anyone's movie experiences so if you have not seen Serenity yet
1. it is a really good movie
2. this post may have some spoilers

More than anything else, this is a question. I really liked the movie, it gripped me and the plot had a lot of little twists that I thought were cool.

Here is my question, I am expecting responces from all those around me who watch movies, B this means you too. If the Reavers are such bad whack jobs, killing people and eating them and stuff, how is it that they can fly ships and work together in them without killing each other?

A Frank Sinatra Day

Well, allowing myself time to wind down, if was a good day. It was a pretty easy day light with a bit of frustration in the middle.

Let me give you the happy ending, went to see Serenity, it was great, and equally as great the trailer for The Chronicles of Narnia. So I sit here to tell you a story imagine that I have Frank Sinatra playing in the background, because… well do I really need a reason?

Went shoe shopping, I hate shoe shopping. Mainly because everything is so blasted expensive. So I find all the shoes in the store that are 49.99  a lot of new balance shoes, problem is I just don’t tend to wear that type of shoe. You know what I like? I like the original blue and beige airwalks, basic shoes, dark and powerful. Last pair I got was from payless for 24.00. Wasn’t that easy this time, Payless didn’t have daily wear shoes I cared for. So I started looking at all the other stores which is wear I ran into the New Balances for 49.99. I waffled between two shoes stores at the oak court mall, one more sporty one not. Both places people were falling over themselves asking me if I needed shoes or something. I actually tried two pair of those new Balance shoes not, nothing against them morally, just not my bag. See, I am not trying to make a statement with my shoes, I have small non imposing feet and I like to keep it that way. I don’t cotton to runner style athletic shoes, they are great but just not me. I even own a pair of New Balance shoes, if I should ever run, they are so comfortable, not for daily wear. So then I went to the other store nothing I was willing to pay for, maybe it is just cause I am cheap, or poor one of the two.  

Now here is the rub, I went to footlocker next, very little prompting in buying shoes. I looked found two pair of soccer style shoes that I would be willing to wear, I think they fit my definition of classy, and take into account NB lovers it is my definition and I am not really that popular so it probably speaks better for you that I don’t like them.

Take into account I don’t wear a watch because I have a phone with a clock on it, but I think I had been looking for two hours at least, I can do that, too many blasted choices. I hate making choices, this was one of the few times I wished I was married so I could have some woman who knew me just pick me a pair that goes with the majority of my apparel. So finally I get someone to respond to me at footlocker, ask for my whopping 8 ½’s. I tried them on, a little too tight, “hmm maybe they will stretch, I should compare them to a 9” while I was also thinking, “the service here is terrible and I almost don’t want to buy anything here because of that” it took me another ten minutes to get a hold of someone to get me a nine. While conversing with the lady next to me about how I hate shopping for shoes I was informed there were no 9’s in that shoe but they had it in the white ones. I told him politely that I don’t wear white it gets too dirty too fast, only dark colors. But I figured I was going to buy shoes that day because I had spent so much time anyway. So, I went back to payless.

No one bothers me in payless, and all the shoes are out so I find a pair of cheapo’s that resemble the old scetchers I had just a pair of black casual shoes, I think they are classy enough, they might even look expensive and they were only 20.00. So After all that, I was exhausted. I think the problem for me is that there are too many choices, it is easier when (like in payless) there is one style of each type of shoe. Anyway, this is my story.

So now as I prepare to sleep I will fast forward my CD to “One for my Baby, one for the road,” and go to bed.

And I am supposed to be excited because she is wearing a backpack?

Went dancing tonight

Went dancing tonight, I know that the folk who went to harding with me know of my skillz via spring sing, but there is still a lot for me to learn. So anyway I went to this place where they teach for free on Wednesday nights and learned the Charleston last week, learned the East Coast Six Step, and the Lindy Hop. Now the East Coast Six Step was pretty easy but the other two are difficult. Around the end of the night I noticed I was doing the single Charleston, but making very little headway with the Lindy Hop. I know there are 8 counts and in theory I know where my feet are supposed to go, but I end up pretty much just spinning in a circle, and getting very dizzy. Regardless, I am exhausted, so I am going to go to bed.

Holy Holy Holy

Holy, holy, holy, Lord God Almighty! Early in the morning our song shall rise to Thee; Holy, holy, holy! Merciful and mighty! God in three persons, blessed Trinity!

Today in Chapel the guy who spoke to us told us about a guy named Heiber. An Anglican minister who won a poetry award as a child. He believed that praising God should be done appropriately and fully in the songs we sing. He wrote many songs that he seldom ever heard. His church never wanted to go the direction he did. They later asked him to go to India and he died there, the year that Holy Holy Holy was first published.

We sang that song today in chapel, the original version with the Trinitarian end. While singing in chapel I heard the voices of the angels around the throne singing Holy Holy Holy is the Lord God almighty. I felt the weight of God’s glory, and tears began to appear in my eyes.

I don’t completely know what it is about that song, I don’t know if it is the music that the song is sung to or the angelic words that are always associated to the throne of God. Holy Holy Holy…

What is and what should never be

When I have free time or when I am stressed or just emotionally bound up I find that doing crafts helps me center. It gives me a chance to invoke the creative part of my brain. Tonight I chose to make a new set of prayer beads. So I hopped in my car and went to Michael’s (it is a craft place) and on the way home saw a wreck at the top of Cherry Road keeping me from turning left. I ended up having to go through the light and find a parallel street to run south below cherry and cross over Rhoads. The first street I turned into was shaped like a U, it spit me right out back on Park so I had to pass the wreck again, this time slowing down to get a good look, and take a right on Fair Meadow, which spits me out right below the Grad school.

The story is not the important part of my post, what is important is what went through my mind, “Damn, this is going to slow me down.” Well you might raise a lot of questions, but it was simply the truth. Now I suppose different people will find different problems with that phrase, there is a problem with that phrase though you may not agree with me on it.

That phrase ignores the fact that the people in the wreck are human beings whose lives will be forever changed because of this incident. There were three cars in this wreck, and one of which was very thoroughly crushed against a light post. I wonder if the people in the wreck walked away?

It is easy to state simply that people need to be more careful drivers, but that doesn’t involve everyone in the accident most of the time, and even if it did, will this event effect their lives any less? I listen to the radio during rush hour, especially during the rain, because a lot of delays are from wrecks. I will listen to the radio then adjust my route if I can, if I cannot I sit in traffic complaining that “this must have happened because they knew I was coming, this must only happen when I take this road.”

By centralizing my importance in the world, being the sun around which it revolves, the people around me are constructed only for my service. Think of it this way. There is a world, not unlike the Truman show, where all the people are made in light of me. They function and act in one manner when I am around, and are non-existent when I am not. As a figment of one great mind that fears being alone, he has created a world around himself and a delusion that goes with it. The wreck then being a function of a higher brained individual who, if it is not me, for his fantasy to continue must have my schedule thrown off for some reason, and that is just not acceptable, so if it is you, stop it.

Then, there is the idea that there are a bunch of omnipotent beings watching me for study or laugh, somewhat like the movie Darkcity. This is a negative form of the reality.

Then there is the other option. Where the world doesn’t revolve around me, traffic is just traffic, and the people that got hurt in that accident are currently in a more difficult situation than me so I need to get over it. I have stopped traffic because of a wreck I caused, and the last thing I wanted to feel was embarrassment because people were pissed I wrecked their night. I am not the center of the world, so I seek to find my true size, so that I can associate with other mere mortals like myself.

To fry or not to fry

I went to the Shelby County Mid-south fair tonight. It was fun, I don’t do the ride thing much, not that I don’t like them but I mainly go for the food, and it is nice to be amongst the people when I get a chance to leave my ivory tower.

I love fairs, the food is always so great, and it is so difficult to make a decision, especially in Memphis Tennessee. Memphis has wonderful food, and the stuff I like the most isn’t the stuff that one eats if they are looking into living a long time. There were Brats, Italian Sausage, Corndogs, Ribs, Shoulder, Chicken on sticks, and I had a Gyro. They it was all right, the problem was that the cucumber sauce had too much sour cream in it. But the greatest thing about Memphis (of course there are probably other places too) is the propensity to deep-frying anything that tastes good. A few years ago they started deep frying Twinkies, then they figured, “hmm it worked with the Twinkies, lets do other things.” Tonight I chose (because more than one deep fried treat is like eating death in pancake batter) a deep friend Snicker bar. WOW, it was sort of weird when I started eating it, but by the time I was on my last bite, it had become indescribable.

As for the rest of Memphis and their food, there is always Topp’s Barbeque, Exlines Pizza, Barbeque shop, Corky’s, Huey’s, Memphis style hot wings, Memphis Pizza Café. Then there are all the places on Beale, on any weekend there is a blues concert on the corner. I have grown to really like Memphis the few years I have been here. There is a wonderfully eclectic nature to it. The best places don’t really exist anywhere else, and if they have turned into a chain, the best is always the first place it started. Like the Corky’s in East Memphis and the Huey’s in Midtown. Now to add to the list, Fried desserts at the fair.

Does God forgiive sins?

As a Christian forgiveness is a large part of my theology, from the beginning I understand that I live in a fallen world with a lot of situations that could work better. I accept that often I will sin and sometimes I will really sin. Some people say that there is no one sin that is greater than others, I disagree but that is ok those people are still fine and dandy. Now, often I don’t think the sins we think are the biggies God would call the biggies. For a lot of people, me included forgiveness is difficult. Growing up with a bootstrap mentality, I was raised to take care of myself to be self-sufficient. As a Christian I am not self-sufficient, the BEST I can do still requires the sacrificing of Jesus the Christ. I am fine and dandy with this for everyone else, no one is perfect, everyone will make mistakes, don’t be so hard on yourself, its progress not perfection, and the true glorification will be in heaven but, when it comes to me… there is no excuse. Forgiveness is a chore, now I know that there are some people out there who say, “I don’t have a hard time accepting that I am forgiven I love it, then I don’t have to worry about anything.” Well if a statement like that exists in your theology, this post is not for you. I do not begrudge you and in truth I someday hope to be like you but for right now, just smile and nod while you read.

I know many and have been one who sits in worship on Sunday morning, this Sunday morning in fact overburdened by my sin, waiting for a sign from God that tells me I am forgiven so that I can once again experience the joy of salvation, in that equating forgiveness and warm fuzzies. If I am not experiencing the warm fuzzyness of God then I must still be sitting unforgiven for my iniquities. I really can’t deal with God again until my guilt is lifted. Well, a little guilt is never a bad thing. There are two kinds, Paul tells us in the second correspondence to the Corinthians, of guilt that is. There is a godly guilt and a human guilt. One helps us to build character the other is the tails side of the coin flip of pride. Pride is then twofold, one the cocky son of a “what cha ma call
it” the other is the manure that the world revolves around. My life sucks so bad, you need to hear about it, over and over and over, I have no skillz, girls won’t like me if I’m myself, these things are all the second form of pride. It is that side of pride and the people that suffer from it that have a hard time accepting forgiveness, needing a sign, because in truth everything they have ever done is so someone will give them some attention whether it is positive or negative.

We then have a hard time without hearing that we are loved or forgiven believing it because we need to be told constantly, otherwise it feels like rejection, which in this belief is obviously because of the sin we commit.

But the problem is God doesn’t like to be made to serve the negative system. With the acceptance of Jesus Christ into our lives through our baptism, God’s wrath against us is appeased, and we are washed and made, as the song says it, white as snow. There is no work we can do there is nothing we can say to feel forgiven, to feel saved, there is faith that says we are saved.

Brother Lawrence was often quoted on forgiveness, “ When he sinned he confessed it to God with these words, ‘I can do nothing better without you. Please keep me from falling and correct the mistakes I make.’ After that he did not feel guilty about the sin (practice of the presence 15).”

“Brother Lawrence was aware of his sins and not at all surprised by them. ‘That is my nature,’ he would say, ‘The only thing I know how to do.’ He simply confessed his sins to God without pleading with him or making excuses. After this he was able to resume his regular activity of love and adoration. If brother Lawrence didn’t sin, he simply thanked God for it because only God’s grace could keep him from sinning (practice of the presence 16-17).”

Brother Lawrence must have been a wonderfully faithful individual because I don’t feel good unless I have pled, but then it is based off of my works, if my pleading is good enough God might forgive me.

Knowing forgiveness must be an old problem because it appears in liturgies, I was reading in the Book of Common Prayer:
“The Almighty and merciful Lord grant you Absolution and Remission of all your sins, true repentance, amendment of life, and the grace and consolation of his Holy Spirit. Amen. (Book of Common prayer, 1945, 24)

Absolution is important to a lot of people, I think God gives us the ability to be ministers of absolution, No, I don’t mean we forgive sins, but with faith we can declare sins forgiven. Then there is the other aspect of repentance, turning the other direction, walking a different way, a living amends… But I have already kept you long enough.

what do I have in stock for you?

My friend Jeremy and I like to throw parties. We are currently planning our party for Halloween, the theme will be, “Come join us at the Salem Witch trials. It should be a fun filled night. There will be all sorts of fun events, natural and unnatural. Anyway in prep for this party, a few weeks in advance, Jeremy an I built a set of stocks. It is a working set of stocks, we cut the holes a little bigger than they needed to be so no idiot gets stuck.

I am sure some of you are saying, “Justin you are in graduate school, when do you have time to build stocks?” to you I say I have had a very stressful week, and building stuff relaxes me… so get over it, or you can test my guitine later, I might even have a rack that you can go for a ride on (

I went for a sweat t

I went for a sweat this past weekend. I really get a lot out of them, this was my second. I might get tired of them later but for now I like em. Any way if you have never been to one I recommend finding some Native American friends and go, do it the old way, if all the people are white find another sweat.

The sweat this past weekend was in this small non-town in Mississippi, about twenty minutes south of Carthage, in Neshoba county, right at the end of the Choctaw reservation. There were five of us there for the sweat, it was small but still powerful. The guy who normally runs the sweat wasn’t there, he was ill so it was run by my friend Mac. The thing is it was one Native American and four white guys. I thought that was funny. I got to bless the fire, so I prayed with tobacco in hand sprinkled it on the fire then got down to light it, twenty minutes later after I had let Mac down to light it the fire started. When I found out that Mark and his nephew weren’t coming, the two who usually run the sweat, I volunteered to carry the rocks from the fire to the lodge. At first I was glad to give back, at second I was afraid I wasn’t going to be able to do the job. Imagine a fire with 40 volcanic rocks in it, I could feel the heat burning my stomach as I leaned over it with the pitchfork to get the rocks. After the first two rounds it wasn’t so bad. The fire died down and I got used to the quickest way to get the stones out of the fire. By the third round I still didn’t look professional but I got it done.
The downside of carrying the stones is that I have to leave the lodge between the rounds. If I spend the entire time in the lodge, the heat change even with the door open isn’t as drastic if you stay in the lodge. Going from 120 to 75 over and over again then standing over the hot fire is a little different. I was happy to serve though. Since I got to just soak up the sweat last time, I wanted to help.

The sweat runs in this way:
The fire is started a few hours before the sweat starts
We are covered with smoke from singed sage
We enter the lodge crawling
The door man brings in the first seven stone while everyone is quiet in respect for the grandfather stones.
The first round is prayer for oneself
The second round is for men to pray
The third round is for women to pray- They always joke that those are the hardest rounds because since women have to go through childbirth they can take a lot more heat than men.
The last round is the thank you round and all prayer in thanking God for the sweat and all his gifts, very often in this time I thank him a lot for water.

Anyway it is deeper than that but I would be surprised if anyone is still reading.

Growing up I had a specifc view of the use of the Rosary in Roman Catholocism, being from a restorationist heritage in a protestant country this is pretty normal. What I had always been told is "they just tell their sins to a priest and he tells em how many times to pray to Mary and forgives em of their sins." Anyone who has studied any form of Eastern or Western Orthodox/ Catholic faiths will see vaious mistakes in the statement. One of the things that is most annoying to me is the statement that the Catholics pray to Mary, this statement has a hint of truth in it, that being, Pray and Mary, but Mary is the intercessor not the means of salvation, nor is the Rosary the means of salvation.

I have been looking into the Catholic Rosary and the Orthodox prayer rope to see why. Because it seems to me that mantra style praying has benefits to it. One obvious benefit is the ability to still the heart, the second is to clear the mind. There is this book called the practice of the presense of God by a guy named brother Lawrence. Brother Lawrence talks about his life as a practice of the presense of God. He spent most of the minutes of his monk life in constant prayer, so this gave him a special perspective when he sat down for what we call "devotional times." Since he spent most of his day in intercessory prayer anyway when he sat down to commune with God he cleared his mind and simply dwelt in the presense of God. If someone wants to do this it is recomended they find a Mantra, something like the name of God or a calming word to focus on and clear the mind so that one can truley focus only on God. This takes a lot of work. What I have seen is that the Rosary helps with this.

When I would sit down to pray with no structure around me my mind would wander and I would find that I was hurrying out of prayer to get back to my day, so I wrote a simple prayer liturgy. It involved the statement of faith, the serenity prayer, the "our Father" and some prayers i have written all serving as introductory prayers to right my mind. Oh I also had the prayer of St Francis.

As of late I have discovered the Orthodox Jesus prayer, "Lord Jesus Christ son of God have mercy on me a sinner." One can pray this on a prayer rope or just over and over allowing the words to settle the spirit. Repetition is to lead the devout to three levels. The first level is simple recitation, and stays at this level for some time. The second level is where we begin to pray without distraction. The third level is a level of the heart, not only do we speak the prayer but it is proclaimed in our hearts. I have been told that this can lead to transfiguration, a change of the whole person. I remember hearing stories about the old monks who could feed dangerous animals without fear because the animals saw something within them, St Francis of Asisi for one.

The prayer bead pictures I have posted are called Anglican prayer beads, I chose them for my journey because they allow the prayer to assign the beads the way I choose, I do this because though I don't have theological issue with the hail Mary I am not comfortable with it because I think too much about my religious heritage. Regardless when I finish my prayers, which are always outloud though it might be a whisper, my eyes are closed and there is a peace that surrounds me. On one level if feels like I am in a different world, on another I have gone nowhere.

I want to make it clear that this doesn't mean that I don't freestyle prayer anymore, but I have found I am better focused on it after I have gone through my prayer beads.

I just got back from

I just got back from seeing “The Exorcism of Emily Rose.” I really enjoyed the movie. Sure there were little annoying things in it that frame it more like a horror film then I think it needed, like the loud noises all the time, obviously added to shock the tar out of the watchers.

The argument bears the phrase, “based on a true story,” remember that means based, and very loosely at that. The original name of the girl is Anneleise Michel. She died in 1976 at the age of 23 during an exorcism that took place in Germany. Her parents and priest were then tried and convicted for short terms in prison for negligence. Anneleise’ story is interesting, you can find it here
The article is called “What really happened to Emily Rose,” and I think it is a worthwhile read for people who want the original story.

I will not go into the movie, about what I liked and didn’t except to say I think it is worth seeing, I will however discuss the metaphysical realm. I listened to and am currently downloading the video of an Exorcism in a Russian Orthodox Church, I have dialup so this might take a while, but I think it might be worth it.

I ask myself why the movie scared me as much as it did, well one is that I have a thing about body contorting; this got me in the ring movies and the grudge. Though I think it is deeper than that. I don’t get scared that Freddy or Jason are coming after me, not even Michael Myers Andy, mainly because I know they are fiction and if they did come after me, my faith tells me that God is bigger than the boogy man. I am not above shaking a crucifix or saying things like “in the name of Jesus get movin,” I say that because whether one believes in an active metaphysical realm or not none will argue it is best to go to God when you are scared. The thing about this realm is, my bible study has lead me to believe in the metaphysical realm. Ephesians is full of interesting phrases like, ruler of the air, battle in the heavenlies, prince and principalities, and on and on and on. Ephesus was the center of worship for Artemis, and other interestingly magical things. Then I take a look at books like, The Scewtape Letters and listening to stories from African missionaries that I trust who swear to demonic exorcisms. This movie gets me because it is not completely out of my opinion on the matter, to me there is rational thought to this. The Bible gives some great names, Devil, Satan, Belial, Beelzebub, Rahiv, Tehom, and some would say there aren’t references far from Tiamat, there is also Behemut and Leviathan. There are princes of the air, there are demons, named Legion. These demons knew Jesus, and had the power to disrupt lives.

But still our modern mind says, “this is just their understanding of epilepsy,” that makes it easy on us to dismiss. Then, who is Jesus fighting in the heavenlies? I am not saying that I think all cases of epilepsy or other psychological issues are demonic possessions, but I must have an opened mind. There is sickness of the body and sickness of the mind so why not the soul? I go back and forth on traditional understandings of the devil, but what do I think of the demonic. We are so quick to take Biblical things, and find a scientific working for them, why? I think it makes it easier on our post enlightenment mind. What would happen if we found out that we were susceptible to not just demonic temptation but to possession. What happens if the war we are in is more than just learning to not be ashamed of Christ in the workplace, or evangelizing the broken soul. What if Hell isn’t the only bad thing that can happen to us? These things make people uncomfortable. I don’t have answers, I have opinions, and there is a good chance I will never post any of them here or even tell you why I have them, my struggle is not to be made an internet story.

When preachers preach about demon possession they ask us about our demons, greed, malice, resentment, pride? They might even go down the list of the seven deadlies and have at it, but is that the limit of the text? What if, the Bible isn’t talking about epilepsy or turrets? What if it is talking about actual demons that want to possess us? That makes me very uncomfortable.

Now lets take it one more step. What if we do consider the seven deadlies as the fruits of demons in some way possessing us, what does that say for spiritual warfare, and what does that say about Grace? I am tired now Goodnght.

One of the first places that I was introduced to in Memphis was Gibson's donuts. After 11:00 the donuts go six for a dollar, and generally they are the donuts that had been cooked a few hours earlier, so they are still in good shape. Well, I have been to Gibson's enough that the woman who works the weekend late shift knows me because of all the time I have spent there. Tonight I was being rung up and was 25 cents short because I bought a large chocolate milk, I asked my friend Jeremy for a quarter and the woman just looked at me and said "like I wouldn't cut you slack for 25 cents." That warmed my heart, see, they have let me get the discount thirty minutes early if no one was around. Sometimes they have given me the discount up to an hour early, and not just the workers, but one of the higher ups has done that for me.
Well tonight I was sitting in there with some friends and one of the cooks came out, pointed at me, and called me to the back. I had never been to the kitchen so I was nervous, then, he gave me a tray of old fashion donuts right out of the oven/greese. STILL HOT!!! I have always considered Gibsons one of my favorite places in Memphis, now they are moving up past Tops Barbeque, and Memphis style hot wings on James and Rangeline. To the people at Gibson's Donuts, YOU ROCK.

One of those days...

I so commonly label days. This was a good day, this was a bad day. I have a history of days that are either good or bad, when in truth they should be neither good or bad. Why do I choose to call one whole day good because of certain events that make my head go into the clouds, or a day that is completely bad because there were some parts of it that I would rather never think of again.

I fight the urge to live in the poles. To make one thing all good or all bad, to make one side all right and one side all wrong. If I end my day with a bad taste in my mouth does that mean my day was bad, if I begin my day with the same bad taste that dissipates middway through does that mean my day was good?

Today was a day, that began badly and ended fine. A day that began isolated and ended connected. But it wasn't a good day nor was it a bad day. It was a day with good things in it and bad things in it, but far from black and white. It isn't even that there is a lot of gray, it is more like there is a lot of red and blue.

I art weary... I will enjoy sleeping, I am looking forward to it.

I wish to you joy and happiness
but above all things, I wish to you
love...

I was at CiCi's Pizza tonight with some friends. I was in a pretty good mood. I was having fun. Having fun is very important in life. Fun comes around in many different ways. The thing is it doesn't have to be complicated. For the longest time I chose to live in the darkest of places, knew the world was pretty messed up, so I figured who cares anymore, and found that I enjoyed the dark place of self loathing. In the last three years I have begun to enjoy life. Life on its terms, God's terms however that is. There is a lot of sweet and sour to that.

People who know me know my sense of humor is a little, what one might call, off. It hasn't changed and I am not sure it will. For some reason I like to find the humor of life, with the full belief God had a sense of humor, and I can prove it, look at the girraffe, and the zebra. I mean come on, stripes?

Anyway I as at CiCi's and I wanted the cheesy breadsticks. So I walked to the front, and there was one crusty ol cheesy bread stick. Then I looked and saw the man behind the counter bringing a full tray from right out the cooker. I said to the man "you read my mind, How did you know I wanted cheesy breadsticks?" then I shook my plate at him and in a voice above my inside voice but not yelling I said "GET OUT OF MY MIND" got my cheesy breadsticks and sat down. It was all worth the look he gave me.

To us and our good fortune
be happy be healthy long life
and if our good fortune never comes
here's to whatever comes
drink LaChaim
To life!!!!

Music to Dance to

“He had always been a dancer, my old professor. The music didn’t matter. Rock and roll, big band, the blues. He loved them all. He would close his eyes and with a blissful smile begin to move to his own sense of rhythm. It wasn’t always pretty. But then, he didn’t worry about a partner. Morrie danced by himself.

-Tuesday’s with Morrie

When no one is around, when it is just me, and everyone else is off doing important things I turn on music and I dance. For anyone who knows me this seem odd, but it has been consistent my whole life. As a child I played air guitar to Metalica and Led Zepplin, singing in the mirror with the door closed so no one can see.

I was listening to Beck earlier, actually Beck remixes. Beck is great himself but when you add a techno beat behind him… wow. I was listening while writing a paper. I finished my paper, and put in the soundtrack to Fiddler on Roof. Once Tradition came on, I began to dance… it makes me happy, what can I say?

To Life!!!

I went to meet Katrina victims today. There is a church in town in my fellowship that has been, and will continue to feed refugees until either they all leave or they cannot at all. I talked to one guy, 80 years old. He was a great guy at one point he started to tear up, I held his hand. I know that sounds very tuesday's with Morrie, but he wasn't affraid of physical contact. While sitting at the table he would brush my hand. He talked about his anniversery in a few days, 60 years, he and I talked about plumming, he was a plummer for 30 some odd years after getting out of the Navy.

With other guys when I didn't know what to talk about I asked them how to make Gumbo. I have never tried to make gumbo and am thinking of trying. I can't start learning to Barbeque yet because I don't want to buy a smoker until I find somewhere more permanant. The basics of making things like these generally aren't difficult, but it is the minutia that makes them award winning.

it was very difficult for me though, do you bring it up or not bring it up, do you ask if their house is up or down. What do you do if they don't respond well at all. In a counseling setting it is different because there is a reason they are there, however in this setting I am approaching them, someone they never met, to support them.

On another note, a friend and I were talking about why they name hurricanes. I think it is because it is easier to hate something we anthropomorphize. We can't hate nature, but we can be angry at mother nature. We can't hate a hurricane because it doesn't care, unless we think of it as a person. If we think of it as a person, it isn't just about the wind and the rain, it is what Katrina did to us. It is Katrina's fault people are out of work, it is Katrina's fault gas prices are up. And also if we blaim Katrina we don't have to blaim God.

What do you think? anyone who may read? why do we Anthropomorphize (give unhuman things human traits, like names, or like saying it sees us comming) things like this? We could I dentify them with letters or numbers. But we give them names. Do you think it goes all the way back to the ancient near east where if you name something you have power over it?

God Bless all the people working in relief, and if your not and you can be, I hope God inflicts you with trials that force you to need your fellow human.

Hot hot! I am Curry Flavoured. I have a spicy personality. If you can take the heat, you'll love me, if not, I'll probably make you cry. I am not for the faint-hearted. What Flavour Are You?

There are a lot of people out there that think you shouldn't get tied up into TV shows, especially ones about vampyres and such. I know some people who will just read non-fiction because they feel like they would be wasting time otherwise. To those people I say, this post is not for you you might as well ignore it.

However if anyone else in my readership ever enjoyed watching Buffy or Angel I would really like to hear your response to this.

At the end of Buffy, and throughout the middle and beginning there was some joy. There was a high school girl who made it to dances and fought evil. There was that time when people where dying that she left and became a waitress to get over her pain. During the last season when she had the affair with Spike, which I thought was cool, she struggled with people, but at least it had a happy ending. The hellmouth is closed and the world has a gaggle of fully loaded slayers.

So I have seen Angel all the way to the end, then I started watching it from the beginning. Angel is very dark. Angel the once evilist vampyre in the world, is a good guy BUT he will never find forgivness. I can deal with that to a point, however, the whole thing with Jasmine was just strange. Conner hating the world, hating his father, Cordelia the mother of an evil thing that doesn't necissarily seem so evil. Angel does what he needs to do then there is a mass case of depression for the world until the dark knight makes a deal with the evil empire.
Lets look at Wesley, hardcore killer, sex machine, in love with a woman who will never love him. Ever set to watch her, then then then... of all things... she gets taken over buy some goddess thing that eradicates who she was. And Wesley the ultimate martyr hangs out with her anyway. In some strange way they end up loving each other, which we only know because of her anger at his death.

Now lets talk about the end... no closure. at all. And come to think of it, did Wesley kill Gunn?
Where Buffy had joy Angel had only suffering. Who knows... I might be misunderstanding, but, I feel bad after episodes of Angel, and it doesn't seem to ever get any better.

What do you guys think?

There is a hurricane going on right now. What I think about that is easy, what I don't know if I agree with is the media coverage. I watch a lot of the Daily show and they talk about fear mongering for ratings.

I honestly don't know. Is the media doing something beyond simple reporting. Is it important for news casters to be in the middle of the storm. Are reporters showing off that they are standing in the path of the storm? or is the bias different?

Well, I spent the weekend at home

I talked to my granparets a lot about their grandparents. My mother showed me a picture of a woman called little Grandma. Her maiden name was Martin her married name O'dell, she was born in 1840. This really lit my fire. My great uncle was the family historian, he died two years ago and I feel like I want to pick up the torch. I spent the last night I was home looking at the information stored in his computer and was amazed. He followed a line back to Little Grandma's parents. John Martin is the grand patriarch so far. Popular name heh, even appears a few times in Virginia's history. I am from West Virginia and had forgotten we were part of Virginia before the civil war so my father had to point out that of course he would be from Virginia, West Virginia wasn't a state yet. I am assuming his birth somewhere around 1805-1810.

The fun part however was tracing the Morris side instead of the O'dell/Martin side. I went on the internet to google and found the exact people I was looking for, I had found someone who did the work for me. The furthest back I found was in Weztel Country Virginia (Now WV) 1716. My uncle has over 600 names in the family tree.

I gather the old Bibles of my family members that pass on. I read my grandmother Wear's bible while I was home. My imediate grandmother had put an inscription in the front for me. I can't remember it exactly but it followed something like this.

"Vernice Wear was the mother of Mildred Martha Wear Isiminger Cater, the mother of John Edward Isaminger, the father of Brenda L McCreary, the Mother of Justin McCreary."

Grandma Wear recieved the Bible in 1940.

My great grandmother Cater, her daughter was born on January 18, 1907. If you check my profile you will see that is my birthday in 1979. All this was information I new, the part I hadn't seen before Was my grandmother Cater's Baptismal certificate that dated to November of 1979. She was born the same day as me 72 years earlier, but was born into Christ the same year I was born into life.

I added my niece Annalynn's name to the registry... the youngest of our kin, she has a wonderful ancestry that goes back a long way. I am glad to be a part of it.

A friend of mine was driving to West Virginia today so I thought I would tag along. Mainly because my roots are in West Virginia. It is weird because my parents moved to Ohio, which i think is a step down but what can you do. I was itting in my mother's parlor chatting with her, and the dog I grew up with was sitting at my feet. It was such a natural feeling when I came home, my dog beau came to me, and I spent some time with him, mom used to call him her boy now she refers t him as Old Man. I grew up with animals in the house. I remember having two dogs and three birds growing up.

I have two birds, as I have said before, and I had to find a bird sitter for the weekend. I was feeling anxious last night because someone else was in charge of them. I suppose some separation anxiety. I enjoy having the animals around. It is neet to sit in a meeting at my apartment with Abraham (the male) on my shoulder. Sarah (The female) doesn't like to sit as well. I love having animals around... it makes places feel like... home...

Biblical Theology: Quote of the Day

I often wonder what to post about on this blog, sometimes because nothing is going on, sometimes because I don't want to be like every other blogger who wants his own personal forum on the web even though I want one. I mean who doesn't want their own forum, their own place where, like yertle the turtle king of salama-sod, the ruler of all they survey. I have been reading a lot of blogs, and I enjoy doing it, I like to see differerent perspectives, though more importantly I want to get in my say. When it comes down to it, I really want people to know what i think about whatever. And sometimes, sometimes I just want certain people to know what is going on in my life.

I suppose in the end it is important to accept that in some way I desire community, it is important to me that people know me. It is important that whoever I choose to be, people know me... not a stereotype from my chosen religion, not a stereotype of race or whatever... And maybe this is just one more way for me to ask for community.

Stella

I remember as a teenager there was this show called “The State.” It is by far my favorite sketch comedy show EVER!!!! It is a shame that it never got picked up, I will never forget Barry and Levon, Doug, Larry the guy with the catchphrase, or those crazy Sea Monkeys. As of current a new show came on comedy central called “Stella,” staring Michael Ian Black, Michael Showalter, and David Waine. All three members of the state (there are also the state people on Reno 911 but I just don’t think that show is as good).

I personally think “Stella,” is one of the dumbest things I have ever seen, but I look forward to every episode of it. Tonight they are growing crops in their floorboards, and it has been so stupid I can’t help but watch, over and over again. Have you ever seen a show like that? It is so weird because I don’t think the show is a train wreck, it is just ridiculous. Wonderfully ridiculous.

I am trying something new

I am trying something new, there is an add on for MS Word where I can type in word and publish directly to my blog, so here I go.

Yesterday we threw a little party at HUGSR. I am a member of the student government of the school. So I get to help plan these official happenings. I was in charge of food. It has been fun learning to cook the last few years, and cooking for over a hundred is always fun. I started cooking a little after 2:00 and worked in prep until about 9. That was exciting because I came directly from church. After that I met a wonderful friend for some coffee. I was exhausted at the end of the night. It was very tiring but very rewarding. I love to work in the background.

It is time for a new school year to start. I am excited about that. I have known school all my life and I am comfortable with it. Being out for the summer I realized that I crave structure. I had way too much time where I didn't have to do anything over the summer. At first I thought, I won't have a big summer it will be great chillin with people and just kickin it. In reality most of my friends left town or found internships for the summer. Most of my friends weren't here. I look forward to the school year starting for the acedemics of it as well. I have three classes this semester, at the seminary level of grad school that is what is considered normal.

I have also watched many friends leave for good this summer. My roomate of three years moved to Texas by way of Rwanda, one who is very dear to my heart moved to Kansas, another got married, and for the single buddies of the guy that is like him moving away. Four incredibly close people left this summer for good, but I know with each leaving God will fill that void, sometimes with people, and the more I am ready, with his essence/presense. Sometimes I would wonder, what is the point of taking the time to build relationships if everyone is just going ot leave. Then I realize how self centered that is. Pour me pour me pour me a drink right? I have chosen the life of a vagabond therefore while I am in that life I should be reminded that many will come and go, but what I learn and cherish of those relationships makes it worth it. Some people will walk with me longer than others... some run by and say hello, some stop and stay for a while... shoot, I might even find one day someone who is in for the long hall. But until then... I will live, I was reading in a Kempis today that Humans need two things: food, and light. The food is that of the Eucharist, or the body of Christ. The second a Kempis refered to as the light is the Bible... Food and Light... every sunday, every day... always communion

I am currently listening to a Grateful Dead song called ripple, it carries a feel of a slow movement, and renewal.

Ripple in still water
When there is no pebble tossed
Nor wind to blow
Reach out your hand if your cup be empty
If your cup is full may it be again
Let it be known there is a fountain
That was not made by the hands of men

I was sitting in Wendy's today. I have eaten out a lot, mostly because i haven't gone to the store. Today I was hungry and in need of getting out of the house so I grabbed my journal and a good book and went. Wendy's isn't normally a place one goes to write in a journal, starbucks is more like the place for that. I was writing about what it means to be where I am in life. I am not elder, I am not child, I am adult... yes I am... It took me a while to want to be an adult.

I realize how important it is for the younger to learn from the older. I am blessed to have two mentors, one in ministry one in spirituality. There is so much wisdom that if just passed down would aid so well. Sure, we youthful folk need to make mistakes and mess things up for ourselves, but it is good to have a helpful hand reach into the big pile of crap that I just fell into and help me out. Sometimes I would get frustrated preaching at my old church in West Virginia because I was always told how good I did and that I would be a good preacher some day, and having graduated college and being at least halfway through seminary I was thinking, am I not a preacher now? Can you not hear my words as helpful instead of me being the little kid who gets up and has to be told he did great just because he didn't run out of the pulpit crying (my own words)? Well of course they look at me that way, they have listened to me preach from 12. They watched me grow up, what does a college, or even post college young Adult know about life?

I understand now how lucky I am to have men some twice my age some more some less that can help guide me. The Bible always talks about how the youth should relate to the elders. I don't think Elder is just a position in the church for servant leadership, i think it refers to the people who have gone before me, and can guide me. Of course I think I can learn from them and teach them in dialogue, I believe I do have something as a man in my mid 20's to offer.

Of course that means there is a whole generation below me who can learn from my experience. And people below me I can learn from. It is a neat little circle. For the longest time I didn't like "the man" telling me what to do, what does he know about me. Having been in the position where I am "the man," it makes more sense now.

eharmony boasts its 29 dimentions of matchability. I wonder if they have really tried to understand the consequences of their actions. For instance, since they have gone up to the 29th dimension they must have dealt with the fourth dimension which we know of as time. So what if I am to go to eharmony, and find out that Joan of Ark, who has also joined eharmony is the best match. Sure that is great for Joan and me but what about all the history that takes place between us. What happens to Europe if they lose Joan of Ark, or worse what happens to midevil Europe if they need to learn to deal with me, in all my post libral greatness. The hitchikers guide to the galaxy warns us of the dagers of time travel, and we have all seen back to the future, what happens when evil biff steals the time machine and changes the past. I think we must all ban together to make sure eharmony knows that their consequences will not just harm them but, will also destroy us.

Also, I posted a neat pic of my parrotlet Sarah

Today was a very warm day. It is quarter after ten I have missed "Stella," and I have a headache. The apartment carpet was cleaned today. Wow, that was exciting. I was thinking earlier today, "I have something really good to blog about," and now I am so tired I can't remember.

Later

If you have never been in a Native American Sweat Lodge I recomend it. I have some Choctaw friends in middle Mississippi that let me sweat with them. It is an interesting process. There is this lodge built so that no heat can escape, and they keep bringing in pumice rock that has been in the fire for a couple hours.

It is a wonderful experience. I am writing about this because I have been invited to sweat again. Of course I am going to go, my last sweat was a couple months ago. There are points during the sweat I feel like I am going to drop dead and I put my face directly against the ground searching for cool air. If you have never done it I recomend you make some Native American friends and try, even for a Christian there are deep spiritual benefits.

I went with my roomate today to the Circuit Playhouse in memphis. "tuesday's with Morrie" was playing, I had read the book. I have read it and Mitch's other one "The Five People You Meet in Heaven." I really like a lot of what Mitch Albom has to say. If you have never read either of the books I recomend both.

The first is about living life, the second is about understanding the life you have lived. It reminds me how easy it would be for me to waste away in front of the television or the internet or even with a good book. I have a hard time experiencing life, living in the day, making the best of the relationships I have and have had. I often get into a rut of looking back on my life with displeasure. Through some parts of my life I was like a tornado leaving a wake of disaster behind me, ask a few of my exgirlfriends. Some parts of my life were so lifeless that it was like I didn't even live.

I was sitting in the theater today thinking, "I wish I could have already seen this play instead of sitting through it now." Not because I didn't like the play but because it is so hard for me to focus attention. Having said that I also want to say I love the theater. I prefer it to the movies, because the people, I believe, are doing harder work, they can forget a line, have a bad day and so on.

I cried in parts of this play, and wept in others. Morrie was a college teacher, and though he moved data from his mind to that of his students, that wasn't his whole philosophy of teaching. Morrie inspired. When I preach or teach I move data, but more than that I want to inspire and give hope.

In the end, I look back on my past, in friends basements doing things that the good kid everyone saw wouldn't do, the pain I caused other and has been caused in me because of others. My favorite movie is called "Shadowlands." It is about really understanding what it means to love. to love will cause one to feel pain. The statement in that movie concerning the death of his wife joy, spoken by his wife, in the movie, is : the pain then [after her death] is part of the joy now.

Some wonderful friends left me this summer and I debated as to whether or not it is even worth loving just to lose the closest people to me. However I know, of course it is worth it. The pain in loss attests most of all the sweetness of the relationship.

As Morrie said, " Invest in the human family. Invest in people. Build a little community of those you love and who love you."
-tuesday's with Morrie., 157

I was translating from Codex Beza today. In class we were translating a section from Mark but not from the normal UBS or NA text. It was so cool to be reading from a text, even though it was a western text, that wasn't cut and pasted together from differernt readings.

I had the last meeting of my last summer course. A greek class worth one hour. We met weekly and translated. Parts of it were very fun but I got very tired of it in the end. My translations actually got sloppier as the summer went along. I think part of it was that I was in summer mode and didn't care to do much work.

Here is a quote to think of:

Generally bu the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand.

Margery Williams, The Velveteen Rabbit

Some time ago I helped a dear friend load up her moving truck and go. My help was paid for with what is called a Sorbet Fizz. The Sorbet Fizz is TCBY's mix of sorbet and sprite. It is an amazing drink. There is a fizzy creamyness to it that tingles the tummy and brings joy to the palat. This certain Fizz I drank was Orange Sorbet. I love that orangy taste especially when it is mixed with the tingle of soda.

Yesterday I was going to treat myself to a sorbet fizz, just as I had it before. The Orange, the fizz... wow what a combo then after standing in a long line at TCBY I found they had no orange sorbet. So without thinking I just figured they were out and went to another TCBY, this is memphis we have like fifteen of everything in driving distance and like fifty starbucks shops.

So I walked into the other TCBY and made my request, "One large Sorbet Fizz please," and the individual behind the counter began to make my fizz, I had figured it would be just like that first one I had that brought so much joy to my palat. Then he finished, and set it before me, it was green, not the wonderful orange that I had before. I said to this man, "last time I had this it was Orange," and his reply almost broke me.

"The flavor changes with the sorbet of the day." I didn't take the green monster before, hung my head and walked out the door.

Today I went to the supermarket, picked up some Orange Sherbet, and Sprite. I mixed them together using my hand mixer. After two tries, I never matched the taste of that Sorbet Fizz. Maybe it is because of the sentiment of the situation... something I will never taste again because the taste was not simply the mix of two wonderful ingrediants but also the situation of seeing a dear friend leave... The bitterness of an event showing me the depth of the sweetness for so long I had been a part of.

Maybe I will never have another good sorbet fizz, but I will always have the wonderful memory of that sweet mix of orange sorbet and sprite.

I feel like the Lord lead me to Ezekiel 34 today. It is a wonderful passage of scripture. The thing is to me that I don't know a lot about the book of Ezekiel, only that a lot of weird stuff goes on in it. Before writing this I had to consult a commentary and at that I have found that the book is very complicated. Ezekiel is among the exiles in Babylon, and I can't talk much about the message he is carrying and to whom he is carrying it. Regardless, this leads me to study the book of Ezekiel better in the future. I believe the temple has been destroyed by this time Jews are in exile, it is looking pretty bad and they aren't expected to get out of exile any time soon.

Chapter 35 is intersting, it is about a shepherd, and sheep. You see the shepherds had grown fat, so they were judged in their obesity. Then there were the sheep, they had gone astray for lack of leadership. Ezekiel points out (as I take the cannonical purpose of Ezekiel) that God makes the decision to gather his sheep back together. Chapter 37 is one of those well known chapters about the dry bones comming to life. The dry bones represent Israel and they, as Israel will come back to life.

These allagories strike me from the perspective of one who wants to be clergy. I am reminded about how easy it is to make my Bible study a matter of acedemics instead of God. See, the greats, St Basil, Athenasius, even Augustine, the entire purpose of their writing was to bring people closer to God. If you read my booklist below you might even note that I add CS Lewis to this. All of these men had their flaws, but their point it to help people understand God and the things that keep us from him.

Things like that were all thrown out the window in the 19th century with the rise of modernism and of German Libralism (Libral meaning the critical study of scripture apart from faith). There is currently a rise in the desire to go back to faith based study. To making it be about knowing God.

Of course let me get back to why this chapter strikes me. Will I be a fat shepherd or a good shepherd. This has nothing to do with my weight but how I vew my ministry. Simply put will I make it God centered or me centered. One way that manifests istself is in my desire to work and play well with others. I don't think during the day, how can this bring me closer to God, I think , "what can I get out of this?" As a leader people will depend on me. That is why I have been so thankful that I have the chance to be in seminary. My time around spiritual giants changes me, humbles me, and helps me understand there is a mystery to all of this. But still, I fear, I fear of falling into the pit of being a fat shepherd.

Now I take into account that we read this section as a messianic prophesy and that I am not the "Good Shepherd," but it also makes me ask, "What kind of leader am I amongst the sheep?"

My computer is sick, I think it has had some unprotected contact with other computers. What is funny is that I have an antivirus program, a spyware thing, and a firewall. What the heck.

Anyway... I want to give a "must read," or a "books I like" list.

Non Fiction
Mere Christianity- CS Lewis
1 Corinthians - Richard Oster
Practicing the Presence of God- Brother Lawrence
The Imitation of Christ- Thomas a Kempis
1 Maccabeas
Tobit
The Book of Commin Prayer
St. Chrysostems Liturgy

Theologcial Fiction
Chronicles of Narnia- CS Lewis
Out of the Silent Planet- CS Lewis
Till they Have Faces- CS Lewis
In the Beginning- Chaim Potock
Davida's Harp- Chaim Potock
Night- Eli Wiesel
Dawn- Eli Wiesel
Jacob's Ladder- Noah Ben Shea

Fiction
The Unabridged Hitchikers Guide- Douglass Adams
The Long Dark Tea Time of the Soul- Douglass Adams
The Lord of the Rings- Tolkein
Blankets- Craig Thompson
Arabian Nights - Any Good Translation
For one volume Jack Zipes/ Malphers and Mathers in 4 Volumes

This is a working list, what do you think?

I was sitting on my couch this evening with Abraham, one of my birds, sitting on my shoulder. I made pirate sounds a few times because, well I mean, do I really need to explain it? I really wish I had a picture of it to post but what can you do?

New Bulla Found!!!

I know what you are asking, "what is a bulla?" Long long ago in a land called the Near East kings would impress parchment with a seal showing that it was from the king. These seals would often have the full name of the king, or scribe that was making the proclamtion. We really don't find these seals, however, they were imprinted in clay. When the seal was broken the clay would fall to the ground and be forgotten, it was basically garbage, we call that garbage, "Bulla."

This Bulla (not to be confused with a wooly bulla) has the name "Yehukal son of Shelemyahu son of Shobai (or: Shobi)." A name very similar to this appears in Jeremiah 37:3 Jehucal son of Shelemiah and Zephaniah. Take into account yahu is a form of the sacred name Yahweh. Elijah's name in Hebrew actually sounds like Eliyahu, so shelemyahu to shelamiah is not a far switch. Iah, or Jah, is a common alteration for western language. Like Jeremiah which is in hebrew more like Yirahyahu.

Well, we can't be 100 percent right now that this is the same person, another blogger has pointed out a possible problem with the letter that they have made into the sh sound. check out here for a discussion of the bulla with the hebrew text apearing on it and here for a photo and the sin/shin question, for all those linguaphiles.

An old roomate friend of mine has been in town so we threw a party. I enjoy paries, even more when I throw them. Mainly because I can stand at the grill and hide then clean up in the kitchen when I am tired of being around people. It is also really fun to see how many people I can get into my apartment. Of course it is mainly old Harding people, not everyone but a lot, so when we get together there is no alcohol or loud music, just a lot of burgers, soda, and we play a good bit of mofia. Mofia is an intersting game, especially if you like watching people try to be deceptive, A game that is based off of lying somewhat like a game I used to play initialed BS.

I have found out I like to grill out, I think I am going to get a grill, since the one here belongs to someone else, I am going to grill out in the middle of winter. Especially if it is the day in the memphis winter that it snows. Because unlike growing up in the northern panhandle of West Virginia which would get well over a foot over night. Now I know that the people from the Dakota's and Wisconson and such think "ooh a foot, we get like 10 feet" but it is enough for me to not like snow anymore.

anyway God Bless

Last night I went to Bible study, and we dealt with 1 Peter 3. I was unhappy the leader chose not to deal to heavily with the reference to the spirits in prison, I always like those fun refrents to odd books not in our cannon.

All in all the major point we chose to discuss was submission. At the end of chapter two slaves submit to masters and at three wives submit to husbands. I also understand a mutual submission when i look at places like Ephesians 5, in submitting to one another. There is a good bit in the New Testament about submission, to rulers, to God also Jesus in the garden during the Night with Ebon Pinion.

Submission is very countercultural. I used to work with children who were fed a steady diet of rap music and bling bling. I have seen more gold in the teeth of people who can't afford it than you imagine. Never scared!!! the words of a rap song. Outside of the club and you call me a punk, so I go to the loaded tech nine and open the trunk. Never scared!!!!

The story is simple, if you cross me you die. A long cry from the New Testament Submission.
Maybe I over simplify when I go to the words of Gandolf in the fellowship. "Many live who deserve to die. Some die who deserve life. Can you give it to them, Frodo?

I work myself through Graduate school by working in the maintenance department at HUGSR. I do enjoy the work. For the first two hours I drove the riding mower around and cut some grass, which in itself is a nice job. The second half of the morning involved work with the weedeater, which in Australia is referred to as a whipper snipper. I don't care much for the work during the summer heat but as it begins to cool off I will enjoy it more. Last summer was very nice. When I have papers due and am running late on things and am having ministry issues, I believe that the day after day work with a weed eater is relaxing. Or the day to day work with a paintbrush, you should look at my chapel renovation blog. I personally think I have one of the best jobs on campus. Anyway these are my daily musings.

God Bless

Have you ever noticed Macgyver never uses a gun. It goes back to when he was a kid and somehow accidently he killed a friend of his. He does all kinds of cool stuff and doesn't even carry a piece. I don't have a problem with people owning guns, I am from West Virginia, it is odd I don't hunt but i have kin who do. They like guns and NASCAR. Not incredibly strong in my family but my brother picked up the hunting thing in his adulthood. I am not opposed to hunting to killing in season, the father of one of my closest friends is a conservation officer in West Virginia. I understand the desire of venison or wild turkey (the meat not the drink) jerkey. I met some Choctaw who told me that the original hunting they did was in respect for the animals. They would say that the animals, understanding their place in teh circle of life, would come to the Choctaw people.

Well the world is differnet people have guns it is perscribed in the constitution, the right to bear arms. I have a friend who carries, I have another who has pulled the trigger finding out the gun wasn't loaded, and once years ago I stood a foot away from a Crypt who at one year younger than me had taken life on the streats.

Is there nothing that can be done? How is it that so many handguns appear on the streats? I know a lot of people who think of the abilty to take life as the ultimate power. Anything to save face. When I am wrong the hardest thing to do is admit it. My pride doesn't want me to admit it. How much harder then when I'm not wrong and my name is being slandered. My personal desire is to make people sorry they messed with me. I am wired the same way as everyone else. I forget that Vengence belongs to the Lord, and want to choose myself to make things even. What if more people accepted that Vengence belongs to the Lord.

Lately I have been trying to get a little healthier. I was doing better about a month ago when I was running three times a week and in better control of my diet. However I am not doing horrible. I am also finding that I am a fan of natural stuff. During the winter I eat a lot of whole grain oatmeal, while it is cold I tend to eat honey bunches of oats. I tend to have acid reflux issues and my grandmother who is also into the holistic stuff recomended, for years, lime water. Basically is it a liquified calcium that is heavily alkaline. Since my blood tends to be very acidic I think this is a good thing. My grandmother is a wonderful woman, not only does she send me the lime water but ph paper to test my saliva :) thanks grandma

I am also a believer in Kefir. You may be asking, what is kefir. Kefir is a form of fermented milk high in acidofolous. What is acidofolous, well I am probably spelling it wrong but hey you can check that if you want. Basically it is a form of bacteria that lives in the colon to aid in digestion. Yogert has it too. Anyway kefir is intersting, it is an acquired taste. I mix it with various juices. However, the juices are not to kind to my indigestion, however, when I am running, paying attention to my eating, and drinking my kefir the indigestion never seems to be a problem.

For info on Kefir: check out http://users.chariot.net.au/~dna/kefirpage.html
peace out!!!

I pulled my birds out trying to train my wonderful little parrotlets, and lately they have been somewhat frustrating. Parrotlets are small birds, like I have said before sometimes smaller than finches. The male chomped down on my thumb today and it was sore for a while. The male I have noticed doesn't care much to be handled, of course, however, I am not one of the more loving of owners of pets.

I am currently watching the truman show. There is an intersting statement the creature of the "show" in the movie makes, "We accept the reality we are presented with."
How often is that true. Now when it comes down to it I am simply an armchair philospher take a look below at my poetry and you might figure that out. Though it reminds me of the allagory of the cave. People living chained up staring at the wall of a cave, a fire behind them and things interacting between causing shadows to be cast on the wall. One guy breaks free and finds the biggest frustration is getting the rest of the people to want to leave their chains.

Chains of bondage, the way I see it theologically we are bonded to one thing or another. We are either bonded to God or to sin. I pull this idea from Paul. the mid 20th century brought this idea into addiction with the beginning of the use of the 12 steps of AA. In some way the addict is in bondage, either to Alcohol or his higher power. The whole thing is based off of surrender.

regardless I can always wax an elephant often enough to even get him through the door. Freedom in Christ is an intersting concept. Freedom from sin is bondage itself. There is an evengelical Christian song called "pierce my ear," in the end of the song the singer chooses to have his ear pierced in line with the Hebrew law that lets a slave choose to stay with his master after the year of his release.
Psalm 84 talks about the writers desire to be a doorman in the house of God than a good life in the homes of the wicked.

The desire for God must be greater than the desire for anything else.

Anyway this post is not pointless but very disjointed.

God Bless

Well,
I want to add a picture to my profile but to do that I have to put one in my post. That is crazy to me, if I can load a pic to the post and take their space why can't I just load one onto my profile. No one ever said it had to make sense.

So here it is, my mug, I am letting you choose what you think of it, I'm not to keen on my hair and my mustache has looked better, but I learned from Napolean Dynamite that it is important to be able to grow a mustache. It might even propel me into office. I always as a note of pride view my facial hair. Now the big question is, what do you think of that smile. taking the picture was probably weird looking because I was standing by the mirror and I just cropped out the camera in photoshop. I didn't crop it out because I thought it would be good just to have the mug, but because my digital camera model's first buyer was Enoch (the biblical character). And if I leave the camera people will add comments, assuming they read this page, that say things like, "get a new camera old camera guy" and I just can't handle that dressing down. So here it is my picture, then everyone can see who I am.

Peace and Hairgrease

It's late, I just got back from Searcy to watch the HSBS Graduation. My church supports a fellow in that program so in representation I went with our minister, I suppose minister works for a title. It was great to see Harding again. I noticed they were renovating my old dorm, so I decided to walk through it, look at one of the rooms I used to stay in. I was telling my friend about some of the weird traditions we had at Harding. It was really good, it ended with a trip to midnight oil where we ran into some guys we knew. It is funny to hang with the minister/mentor I work with. He is a total hippy with the long hair and everything, we even drove over in a van. Who would have guessed, I found a hippy for a mentor.

It is important to have mentoring in ministry. It scares me that some 22 year olds try to leave college and get jobs with no guidance. Since I have been in graduate school the best learning I have had has been from one mentor or another, whether at the urban church I worked at or the House church I currently reside with. Somewhere along the line Christians in our movement quit getting mentors. It seems like no matter what is going on in life someone has been through something like it before, wouldn't it be nice to find someone who understood and can work through it. Shoot, AA is based on a similar principle. I suppose mentoring got a bad name some years ago when a movement in our family of Christianity broke free in Florida through a campus ministry and moved to Boston. At that point, discipling became a bad word for us main liners, as called by the international C of C'ers.

My final words, find a mentor, some Christian older than you, who is in a place you might someday want to be in.

God Bless