It is time for a new school year to start. I am excited about that. I have known school all my life and I am comfortable with it. Being out for the summer I realized that I crave structure. I had way too much time where I didn't have to do anything over the summer. At first I thought, I won't have a big summer it will be great chillin with people and just kickin it. In reality most of my friends left town or found internships for the summer. Most of my friends weren't here. I look forward to the school year starting for the acedemics of it as well. I have three classes this semester, at the seminary level of grad school that is what is considered normal.

I have also watched many friends leave for good this summer. My roomate of three years moved to Texas by way of Rwanda, one who is very dear to my heart moved to Kansas, another got married, and for the single buddies of the guy that is like him moving away. Four incredibly close people left this summer for good, but I know with each leaving God will fill that void, sometimes with people, and the more I am ready, with his essence/presense. Sometimes I would wonder, what is the point of taking the time to build relationships if everyone is just going ot leave. Then I realize how self centered that is. Pour me pour me pour me a drink right? I have chosen the life of a vagabond therefore while I am in that life I should be reminded that many will come and go, but what I learn and cherish of those relationships makes it worth it. Some people will walk with me longer than others... some run by and say hello, some stop and stay for a while... shoot, I might even find one day someone who is in for the long hall. But until then... I will live, I was reading in a Kempis today that Humans need two things: food, and light. The food is that of the Eucharist, or the body of Christ. The second a Kempis refered to as the light is the Bible... Food and Light... every sunday, every day... always communion

I am currently listening to a Grateful Dead song called ripple, it carries a feel of a slow movement, and renewal.

Ripple in still water
When there is no pebble tossed
Nor wind to blow
Reach out your hand if your cup be empty
If your cup is full may it be again
Let it be known there is a fountain
That was not made by the hands of men

I was sitting in Wendy's today. I have eaten out a lot, mostly because i haven't gone to the store. Today I was hungry and in need of getting out of the house so I grabbed my journal and a good book and went. Wendy's isn't normally a place one goes to write in a journal, starbucks is more like the place for that. I was writing about what it means to be where I am in life. I am not elder, I am not child, I am adult... yes I am... It took me a while to want to be an adult.

I realize how important it is for the younger to learn from the older. I am blessed to have two mentors, one in ministry one in spirituality. There is so much wisdom that if just passed down would aid so well. Sure, we youthful folk need to make mistakes and mess things up for ourselves, but it is good to have a helpful hand reach into the big pile of crap that I just fell into and help me out. Sometimes I would get frustrated preaching at my old church in West Virginia because I was always told how good I did and that I would be a good preacher some day, and having graduated college and being at least halfway through seminary I was thinking, am I not a preacher now? Can you not hear my words as helpful instead of me being the little kid who gets up and has to be told he did great just because he didn't run out of the pulpit crying (my own words)? Well of course they look at me that way, they have listened to me preach from 12. They watched me grow up, what does a college, or even post college young Adult know about life?

I understand now how lucky I am to have men some twice my age some more some less that can help guide me. The Bible always talks about how the youth should relate to the elders. I don't think Elder is just a position in the church for servant leadership, i think it refers to the people who have gone before me, and can guide me. Of course I think I can learn from them and teach them in dialogue, I believe I do have something as a man in my mid 20's to offer.

Of course that means there is a whole generation below me who can learn from my experience. And people below me I can learn from. It is a neat little circle. For the longest time I didn't like "the man" telling me what to do, what does he know about me. Having been in the position where I am "the man," it makes more sense now.

eharmony boasts its 29 dimentions of matchability. I wonder if they have really tried to understand the consequences of their actions. For instance, since they have gone up to the 29th dimension they must have dealt with the fourth dimension which we know of as time. So what if I am to go to eharmony, and find out that Joan of Ark, who has also joined eharmony is the best match. Sure that is great for Joan and me but what about all the history that takes place between us. What happens to Europe if they lose Joan of Ark, or worse what happens to midevil Europe if they need to learn to deal with me, in all my post libral greatness. The hitchikers guide to the galaxy warns us of the dagers of time travel, and we have all seen back to the future, what happens when evil biff steals the time machine and changes the past. I think we must all ban together to make sure eharmony knows that their consequences will not just harm them but, will also destroy us.

Also, I posted a neat pic of my parrotlet Sarah

Today was a very warm day. It is quarter after ten I have missed "Stella," and I have a headache. The apartment carpet was cleaned today. Wow, that was exciting. I was thinking earlier today, "I have something really good to blog about," and now I am so tired I can't remember.

Later

If you have never been in a Native American Sweat Lodge I recomend it. I have some Choctaw friends in middle Mississippi that let me sweat with them. It is an interesting process. There is this lodge built so that no heat can escape, and they keep bringing in pumice rock that has been in the fire for a couple hours.

It is a wonderful experience. I am writing about this because I have been invited to sweat again. Of course I am going to go, my last sweat was a couple months ago. There are points during the sweat I feel like I am going to drop dead and I put my face directly against the ground searching for cool air. If you have never done it I recomend you make some Native American friends and try, even for a Christian there are deep spiritual benefits.

I went with my roomate today to the Circuit Playhouse in memphis. "tuesday's with Morrie" was playing, I had read the book. I have read it and Mitch's other one "The Five People You Meet in Heaven." I really like a lot of what Mitch Albom has to say. If you have never read either of the books I recomend both.

The first is about living life, the second is about understanding the life you have lived. It reminds me how easy it would be for me to waste away in front of the television or the internet or even with a good book. I have a hard time experiencing life, living in the day, making the best of the relationships I have and have had. I often get into a rut of looking back on my life with displeasure. Through some parts of my life I was like a tornado leaving a wake of disaster behind me, ask a few of my exgirlfriends. Some parts of my life were so lifeless that it was like I didn't even live.

I was sitting in the theater today thinking, "I wish I could have already seen this play instead of sitting through it now." Not because I didn't like the play but because it is so hard for me to focus attention. Having said that I also want to say I love the theater. I prefer it to the movies, because the people, I believe, are doing harder work, they can forget a line, have a bad day and so on.

I cried in parts of this play, and wept in others. Morrie was a college teacher, and though he moved data from his mind to that of his students, that wasn't his whole philosophy of teaching. Morrie inspired. When I preach or teach I move data, but more than that I want to inspire and give hope.

In the end, I look back on my past, in friends basements doing things that the good kid everyone saw wouldn't do, the pain I caused other and has been caused in me because of others. My favorite movie is called "Shadowlands." It is about really understanding what it means to love. to love will cause one to feel pain. The statement in that movie concerning the death of his wife joy, spoken by his wife, in the movie, is : the pain then [after her death] is part of the joy now.

Some wonderful friends left me this summer and I debated as to whether or not it is even worth loving just to lose the closest people to me. However I know, of course it is worth it. The pain in loss attests most of all the sweetness of the relationship.

As Morrie said, " Invest in the human family. Invest in people. Build a little community of those you love and who love you."
-tuesday's with Morrie., 157