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Sunday, September 28, 2008

Ditty Bout a Girl

I wanted to write a poem

Cause I care so damn much

Describing your eyes and lips

Longing for your touch

 

Talking about why I care

And how great you are

Thinking bout all your attributes

And how you must’ve fallen like a star

 

I try and relate you to the cosmos

The sky and sunsets and shit

But the words I have don’t describe

The feelings and all of it

 

I can only stare blankly

And listen to your words

And in the silence smile at you

And pray for what to say…

When it is my turn

 

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Pictures of Mississippi




Now that my camera has a phone I am able to take some random pics as I drive through Northwest Mississippi. I have two that I would like to show you. Remember all I have to go off is the camera on my phone so the artistic level may be low, but you might see some interesting things.




I titled this "The Meat People." If you don't understand why this stuck out to me think back to your childhood days (guys) when farts were still funny. This is at a grocery store in Grenada Mississippi. Grenada is a decent place to stop in if you are traveling from Memphis to Jackson or Vice Versa, it is 200 miles from Memphis to Jackson and Grenada is almost the middle, the actual middle is a place called Duck Hill, actually duck hill is a few miles off the road but right off interstate there is a gas station called Midway, it has a small deli, and you will catch a lot of local folk sitting and eating at the right time of the day.



But back to Grenada, there are plenty of fast food restaurants, and there is a decent Barbeque place called Jake and Rips.

I call this pic "This Old House." We are now Northwest of Grenada, a good deal Northwest, in Tunica County. This is real Tunica, not the part you see at the casino's. Harrah has never been here. This is old Tunica, off White Oak Rd, off Highway 4. If you are on 61 going south take a left on highway 4, for less than a quarter mile and take the next left (I believe and you will be on White Oak. Keep moving North and this house will be in the middle of nowhere on the right. I don't recomend going unless you have some reason to be in that area, remember this is Old Tunica, there is no security here, you will be surrounded by cotton fields, trailers, and a lot of nothing. In the Delta you can still dissappear and never be found.





Though if you choose to travel along highway 4 from 61 to interstate you will pass a BP gas station on the left, it will be your last chance to stop for 20-30 miles until you get to Senatobia. If you happen to be going through this part of Tunica at night and are traveling toward Memphis, it is best to stay on HWY 61 North, if you really want interstate look for 69/304.



I am not going to say a lot about this pic, lets just say it is for purification.

Saturday, July 19, 2008

Something to say

I was lying on the floor considering my life… and I laughed. Thinking back to the winding road walked, I couldn’t help it. I spend a lot of time walking the line between life and death, searching for something… not sure what, just something. On more than one occasion I have felt the heavy black robe on my shoulders, the cold face of death masking my reflection, sometimes hoping to God that it was just a mask and worried that the true mask I wore was the face I show my friends when I walk out of my house.

I have presided over a half dozen weddings, but only one funeral, but in that time over 100 deaths. It is easy when my life surrounds so much death to feel like my Bible is a scythe and my smile is hidden behind the bones of the Ghost of Christmas Future. Commonly I feel like I sit outside of life watching the living, and I sit outside of death watching the dying. Can’t help but think the words, “Love is not a victory march but a cold and a broken hallelujah.”

I don’t know if I would say I had ever lost hope of the good things, but I know I have never lost sight of the bad. Weeks have begun to roll by, so have many lives, and I can’t help but mourn for the bit of life that I let slip by in my own fears. For the longest time the only way to hold back the onslaught of grief was to dance. There is something naturally healing when two human being hold one another and converse without words. It makes it easier to remember that the blood in my veins is warm knowing that I have not faded into the background of existence.

But there came a time when dancing didn’t work anymore. Well, maybe it wasn’t that dancing didn’t work, it was just that my heart had become to heavy to lift for the time it takes to ask. Though I guess my imagery of the road isn’t complete unless I mention the mountains. I can’t walk straight up a mountain, I walk from side to side in that direction, and I suppose descent is the same. It is manageable if I go back in forth and avoid falling off the mountain.

And the ideas of the prophets fill the corners of my waking mind. Looking back the prophets spoke of the better times, begging that if those who hear would return to those times better times would return. Reminding me ever to have faith in God because God has always been faithful. I do remember a time, my happiest time. There was a time when life was ascent only, with small descents but mostly ascent.

Those were great times but I also can’t help remember the conversations I have had with others in the valley. To put it more succinctly the love I felt from those in the valley. When I am forced to play the serpent, or the psychopomp I am met by those other tribes wondering in the valleys, and we all become one because we have to.

This is purely a rant, I don’t know where it was going, all I know is that as I laid on the floor, I laughed, and it was good.

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Something I saw


I am adding a picture of something I saw in a gas station outside of Thyatyra Mississippi

enjoy.

Thursday, March 13, 2008

Cars and Feelings

My car was broken into tonight, outside of a Methodist Church in Memphis, I was outside a Methodist church because we dance there on Thursday nights, so I was up for a fun evening when someone, totally unrelated to us came in asking if we saw anyone in the parking lot because someone busted out his window. I thought then I would check mine, and wow did they do an A-1 job. there was no window left, you could tell they put a hole through then cleared it out with a bar or something. My plastic bags held almost all the way to Southaven on the interstate, I was proud of them.

So I process my feelings when it comes to this. I feel annoyed. I feel annoyed because I will have to deal with this tomarrow. I will have to miss work to deal with it, and I have only been there two weeks so I really haven’t even got any vacation time to use, I will just not get payed. The other thing that gets me is, I really like my job, I look forward to going, but my car in intrical to my job, I drove five hundred miles last week.

I am surprised I don’t feel violated. I mean they entered my space without permision it seems like some violation should go witht that, well maybe that is why I looked for any reason to stick around longer with my friends, knowing that I was comming home alone and had a long ass trip with a loud window, alone. Maybe there is some violation in that.

The funny thing is they didn’t even steal anything. I think that actually pisses me off, dammit if you are going to put me through this at least steal my Al Green CD, or my Bill Withers. Sure I love those CD’s but then I would have felt like, well at least they got something.
The other feeling is relieved, I work out of my car and have information in there that would be a pain to put back together, it was all there.

Then there is Irony. A year ago in Memphis I lived in a bad part of town, in Jackson it wasn’t a great part of town, now I moved to a decent place and get broken into when I travel into the place I love, Memphis.

I think then, that is the main frustration, now I will always be worried that my car is going to get broken into, regardless of the fact I have been dealing with cars for 13 years and this is the first time, even when I lived in bad parts of Memphis. I am frustrated that anytime my car is outside when I am at a juke or at the old church dancing I will be worried, it will take the joy from dancing... so how do I keep the bastards from robbing me of that joy? Maybe that is why I am still in shock.

Tuesday, March 04, 2008

My Memphis

I was listening to Mark Cohn's song, "Walking in Memphis," and I became sad. At first the saddness made no sense, then I heard another song, Rufus Wainwright's "Hallelujah." I would sit in Jackson Mississippi and think of the Cohn song over and over again and become sad. But why now? why am I sad that I am in Memphis. Well first, I have to tell myself that I am not sad, per se, the problem is that the people I love live in different places. After a weekend of dancing I felt great, excited it was wonderful, it was like the old days, but the problem with the old days is that... the days between then and now meant something too.


So the words, "Love is not a victory dance it's a cold and broken Hallelujah," sting. I remember the words best from the lips of a friend, I heard her sing it on a recording but every now and again I would pull a little bit out of her while we were together. I am glad to be in Memphis, I am glad to be home, but home has always been where I hung my hat. I never had friends like those that sat with me on the stoop, and stood with me at the crossroads. It was odd, over the weekend I think I would even feel a little guilty having a good time without my friends from the Bellhaven Stoop, the plaque which currently hangs by my Minister Bond and Diploma. I suppose that I have to have it both ways, happy and sad together, dancing...