I have come to a very important decsion in my life and I think the blogging community needs to know about. It is theological, philisophical, and an all around good decsion. I have chosen a theme song.
I know, you have been waiting for years for me to make a final decision. I thought long and hard about this for years. I have gone over many different songs many different bands, but it took forever for that one to arise and beat out all the other songs. You ready for it?
You sure?
This gonna blow your mind. To me this song is not just a good description of me but also a ministry statement.
Well no sense in making you wait longer.
Justin Timberlake: Sexy Back
Saturday, December 30, 2006
Monday, December 18, 2006
Wine, Women, and wisdom?
I had a weekend, they come at the end of every week. It was neither good nor bad it was somewhere in the middle. Actually, I made it bad. All the baddness came from my choices and my fears. And I left me rather sour for Monday morning. Chaplain, what do you do when you don't feel like it. When there is frustration with God, how do I bring his presence.
The position of minister is bigger than me. It is beyond what I can understand or know or even be. It is an ordained job where the divine presents itself in flesh to those in pain.
There was a three year old getting brain surgery this morning, so at least for that time, my weekend didn't matter. It was as if God was standing before me saying, "When your done with self pitty I have something for you to do." I felt I did fine, but I wonder what I could have done if I lessened my self...
The position of minister is bigger than me. It is beyond what I can understand or know or even be. It is an ordained job where the divine presents itself in flesh to those in pain.
There was a three year old getting brain surgery this morning, so at least for that time, my weekend didn't matter. It was as if God was standing before me saying, "When your done with self pitty I have something for you to do." I felt I did fine, but I wonder what I could have done if I lessened my self...
Friday, November 24, 2006
Holidays?
I remember an episode of MASH where the whole camp is looking forward to a Christmas celebration. The kids from the local orphanage are on their way and everyone is happy. Then tragety hits. One of their patients begins to drop blood pressure. All through the 25th they fight to keep him alive even though they know he won't make it in the long run, they know he is going to die. Over and over again they shock him, put him through CPR, why when they know it is pointless? Because he is a father and they don't want the kids to lose Christmas.
They finally lose him at 11:45 PM. The death certificate will still read TOD 11:45 12/25. What do they do? they push the minute hand on the clock 15 minutes ahead and fill out the death certificate.
I know this is fiction but it was what went through my mind this morning as I sat at a an emergency code. The man had been coding since 5:30 it was now 7:45. Thy stabalize him he is good for some time then he codes again, over and over. Why? Why not just let him die? The family is on the way. Six children comming from more than an hour away.
It is also the day after thanksgiving. What does this do to the holiday, what does this bode well for in giving thanks. At least it wasn't yesterday, no that would be horrible, because yesterday the wife was sitting in the Critical Care Wating Room, she slept there all night in her clothes. Hospitals don't close on Thanksgiving. I am on call the day after thanksgiving, why? because I want to go home for Christmas. Of course that is what I said about Labor Day.
What happens to family dynamics with death around the holidays? I was thinking about that as I stood in the room with the family this morning, and I thought of that episode of MASH, and I thought about the family racing to get here and the doctors and nurses working like mad to keep him alive. All I could do was stand there, a harbinger of death, and once it happened a reminder.
Happy Thanksgiving
They finally lose him at 11:45 PM. The death certificate will still read TOD 11:45 12/25. What do they do? they push the minute hand on the clock 15 minutes ahead and fill out the death certificate.
I know this is fiction but it was what went through my mind this morning as I sat at a an emergency code. The man had been coding since 5:30 it was now 7:45. Thy stabalize him he is good for some time then he codes again, over and over. Why? Why not just let him die? The family is on the way. Six children comming from more than an hour away.
It is also the day after thanksgiving. What does this do to the holiday, what does this bode well for in giving thanks. At least it wasn't yesterday, no that would be horrible, because yesterday the wife was sitting in the Critical Care Wating Room, she slept there all night in her clothes. Hospitals don't close on Thanksgiving. I am on call the day after thanksgiving, why? because I want to go home for Christmas. Of course that is what I said about Labor Day.
What happens to family dynamics with death around the holidays? I was thinking about that as I stood in the room with the family this morning, and I thought of that episode of MASH, and I thought about the family racing to get here and the doctors and nurses working like mad to keep him alive. All I could do was stand there, a harbinger of death, and once it happened a reminder.
Happy Thanksgiving
Thursday, November 16, 2006
Story:
I know I haven't posted forever and today I posted like three times, get over it there is a story I want to tell.
As a sophomore in college I hated children. Ok maybe hate is a strong word, I just didn't understand them, I had never really worked on being a child myself, I spent my childhood trying to be an adult. I saw two options if I was going to be a minister, Preacher or Youth Minister. I chose Preacher because I hated teenagers, ok yes I know it is a strong word I am fallen get over it, even more than children. I also didn't want to go home for a week from Arkansas to West Virginia, it didn't seem to make sense, so I signed up very late to this campeign to Fortworth Texas.
I didn't know what this Campaign was about I just knew that my buddy Charlie was going so I signed up for that Christain Jubilee. I found out after I paid in full, we were teaching inner city children about God all week. I was not happy about this but hid my distain to the team members, but not to my friends. I complained all over the place. I complained also to God, "Lord you got to do something with this because I can't." Sometimes I wish God had not listened.
Well there was this girl named Hillary. I liked her I don't think she really ever returned that, but it was ok I was in her wedding a few years later, wonderful event still one of my best memories of college. She had taken me to WalMart to get the things I needed the day before, see I didn't have a car. At Walmart we came accross the balls, they were probably a foot in diameter and she seemed taken with them so I put it in my cart and bought the ball. I informed her that we needed to try the ball out so we went to a local park and kicked it around for a while. As the sun set we sat below a jungle jim, looked sort of like thunderdome, Hillary, the Ball and me. As the sun is setting I am considering making a move, and the playground floods with children. I don't know where the hell they came from but they were all over the place. It had been empty and quiet all that time before.
Yet, the children avoided us like the plague, Hillary had made a comment about that. Well, okay there was one little girl who sheepishly came over and said through a staggard tone, "Can I play with your ball." Sure I said. thirty seconds later thunderdome is covered with children and we are in the center. At the end of the night I found that girl and asked her if she wanted the ball, she did. God was listening. At that point I didn't worry about the comming week.
Since that time I have taught children in different countries, and all over this one. I spent two years as an innercity Children's minister and now I am a Pediatric Chaplain. God was truly listening, sometimes I wish he would forget and make me a maitenence man. I should have added something to that prayer, "God do something with THIS COMMING WEEK," but then would he have blessed me this far? I don't know if I will work with children the rest of my life, but I know right now I am, and it is because God put me here.
Some morning at my hospital I look at the diagnosis of the patient I am walking in to talk to and I don't know what to say. Broken bones, broken families, broken promises, broken people. What can I say, most of the time I don't know. But if I am really on those mornings before I walk in I say, "God I got nothin, you need to do something." I remember thunderdome and I knock on the door.
As a sophomore in college I hated children. Ok maybe hate is a strong word, I just didn't understand them, I had never really worked on being a child myself, I spent my childhood trying to be an adult. I saw two options if I was going to be a minister, Preacher or Youth Minister. I chose Preacher because I hated teenagers, ok yes I know it is a strong word I am fallen get over it, even more than children. I also didn't want to go home for a week from Arkansas to West Virginia, it didn't seem to make sense, so I signed up very late to this campeign to Fortworth Texas.
I didn't know what this Campaign was about I just knew that my buddy Charlie was going so I signed up for that Christain Jubilee. I found out after I paid in full, we were teaching inner city children about God all week. I was not happy about this but hid my distain to the team members, but not to my friends. I complained all over the place. I complained also to God, "Lord you got to do something with this because I can't." Sometimes I wish God had not listened.
Well there was this girl named Hillary. I liked her I don't think she really ever returned that, but it was ok I was in her wedding a few years later, wonderful event still one of my best memories of college. She had taken me to WalMart to get the things I needed the day before, see I didn't have a car. At Walmart we came accross the balls, they were probably a foot in diameter and she seemed taken with them so I put it in my cart and bought the ball. I informed her that we needed to try the ball out so we went to a local park and kicked it around for a while. As the sun set we sat below a jungle jim, looked sort of like thunderdome, Hillary, the Ball and me. As the sun is setting I am considering making a move, and the playground floods with children. I don't know where the hell they came from but they were all over the place. It had been empty and quiet all that time before.
Yet, the children avoided us like the plague, Hillary had made a comment about that. Well, okay there was one little girl who sheepishly came over and said through a staggard tone, "Can I play with your ball." Sure I said. thirty seconds later thunderdome is covered with children and we are in the center. At the end of the night I found that girl and asked her if she wanted the ball, she did. God was listening. At that point I didn't worry about the comming week.
Since that time I have taught children in different countries, and all over this one. I spent two years as an innercity Children's minister and now I am a Pediatric Chaplain. God was truly listening, sometimes I wish he would forget and make me a maitenence man. I should have added something to that prayer, "God do something with THIS COMMING WEEK," but then would he have blessed me this far? I don't know if I will work with children the rest of my life, but I know right now I am, and it is because God put me here.
Some morning at my hospital I look at the diagnosis of the patient I am walking in to talk to and I don't know what to say. Broken bones, broken families, broken promises, broken people. What can I say, most of the time I don't know. But if I am really on those mornings before I walk in I say, "God I got nothin, you need to do something." I remember thunderdome and I knock on the door.
check out this guy
What do you think? This is from the halloween party I went to, I was an Episcopal priest
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
Just an update
So what is going on with me lately.
Had to buy a car, I slapped the DNR tag to mine and bought something reliable I found a 2002 Nissan Sentra GXE. Been happy with it so far.
Happy about the election for the most part. I was a little sad about how Tennessee turned out on certain issues. I like the guy elected for the House from Shelby County and I like Bredisen but I was sad no. 1 passed and I was sad Ford Jr. Lost. He lost support in Memphis because he wouldn't support Cohen. It happens, I hope he runs again.
Still working at LeBonheur Children's Medical Center in Memphis Tennessee, I was tired this morning but I generally like my job.
I will probably get to go home for Christmas, the country roads will take me there, looking forward to seeing my family especially my niece Anna. I hear she has been causing oh such a fuss.
Note on dancing:
I will be in West Virginia for a week during Christmas so if anyone knows of any swing dancing that goes on around wheeling or up into pittsburg let me know.
Had to buy a car, I slapped the DNR tag to mine and bought something reliable I found a 2002 Nissan Sentra GXE. Been happy with it so far.
Happy about the election for the most part. I was a little sad about how Tennessee turned out on certain issues. I like the guy elected for the House from Shelby County and I like Bredisen but I was sad no. 1 passed and I was sad Ford Jr. Lost. He lost support in Memphis because he wouldn't support Cohen. It happens, I hope he runs again.
Still working at LeBonheur Children's Medical Center in Memphis Tennessee, I was tired this morning but I generally like my job.
I will probably get to go home for Christmas, the country roads will take me there, looking forward to seeing my family especially my niece Anna. I hear she has been causing oh such a fuss.
Note on dancing:
I will be in West Virginia for a week during Christmas so if anyone knows of any swing dancing that goes on around wheeling or up into pittsburg let me know.
Friday, November 03, 2006
Find lyrics
One of my favorite hymn's is an old Ukrainian tune called "while on the sea." I used to have a hymnal with this song in it, I have since lent the hymnal to a church member who never came back. I can never find mention of this hymn by anything other than the title on google. I can never find the words. Can someone give me the words?
God Bless
God Bless
Monday, October 16, 2006
It don't mean a thing
Being a part of the neo swing (dancing) movement it is almost pre-requisite to see the movie "Swing Kids." Other than wondabar dancing there is a message to the movie, it is stated midway through when an SS man says, "sometimes it is better to know what we are getting into before we get into it." In the movie the SS man is talking about the bookseller that Peter(the protagonist) works for, but in the overall scheme of the move isn’t that what we ask of anyone in Germany of the time? Couldn’t you see the atrocity didn’t you think it odd that an entire people group was made scapegoat (Jews). So how did it happen?
In this movie the Hitler Youth (HJ) were taught that Jews were evil, they were strangling the world economically and morally corrupt. There was a warning on a building to beware of nigger/kike music. I don’t suppose I have to define those words. Thomas, Peter’s best friend at first opposed the Nazi’s but then found that he was wonderfully accepted by the Nazi party, what could be so wrong with a place that made him feel so good. At home he was a troublemaker, with his other friends he was stupid (or so he thought), it was only in the Hitler Jungen that he could feel accepted. Why do we think it odd that a teenager runs to a group of people that encourage him and accept him? How did the Nazi’s win him? They said, "Good job," when he did well, and let him know that even he had something to offer to the Nazi party. There was a place he could fit in… not until the end when his hands were wrapped around his best friends neck did he realize what he was "getting into."
The Nazi’s did something genius, they tied politics and morality together. To be a good Nazi you didn’t drink or smoke, you didn’t take foreign foods into the system you were pure. Being a part of that party meant being pure, being German only, almost like being holy. There was rebellion against them; in the move it is the "Swing Kids" that rebel. Their lifestyle is understood as immoral and unhealthy. All they did was waist their time on music and dancing that clouded their judgment.
Morality was a tool used by the Nazi’s to get their way, my question, do we use morality to get our way politically?
In the last four years the United States has taken over two countries, one most people wouldn’t argue against, the other was taken over for weapons we never found. We are now stuck in a part of the world that is volatile. Why? Well, what is going on back home? What are the issues people vote on? I know people who will vote for a candidate purely for his stance on abortion. Why, because maybe abortion is murder (understand this is not necessarily my opinion) however, when that president allows physiological torcher against POW’s and orders the death of thousands of Muslims because they have a different set of politics no one bats an eyelash. I wonder why? I wonder if our current regime wins because it aligns itself with the moral right. Abortion, gay marriage… these are the things we care about, but what about our international ethics? I wonder.
I might be far fetched here… but a world leader has to start slow… I wonder if Hitler had worked slower, would he have gotten further? Hitler married politics and morality. Real German’s don’t drink, real German’s don’t dance, real German’s don’t like Jews. What do real Americans do? If you live in the Bible belt there is a good chance we don’t drink or dance, and who are we taught to hate? Who doesn’t fit into our social scheme, who is our scapegoat? Let me ask it a different way, what social issue keeps us from voting on a President in relation to the war? In Tennessee I think it is the 1st issue on the ballot, the marriage amendment. We will vote for any individual, even a megalomaniac (not to say Bush is) as long as they don’t let gay people marry. Because no matter how many Muslims we kill, at least Gay people can’t be married.
Shock and awe, that is what he called our tactics in Iraq. It means we come in fast and win, sort of like lightning. We scare them into letting us win, lightning is scary, why not just call it a lightning war instead, well… that name was already taken… Blitzkreig
A homeless schizophrenic came up to me in Wendi’s today and asked me if I felt safe… when people ask me that regardless of whether they are on their meds or not I am not sure what to say.
In this movie the Hitler Youth (HJ) were taught that Jews were evil, they were strangling the world economically and morally corrupt. There was a warning on a building to beware of nigger/kike music. I don’t suppose I have to define those words. Thomas, Peter’s best friend at first opposed the Nazi’s but then found that he was wonderfully accepted by the Nazi party, what could be so wrong with a place that made him feel so good. At home he was a troublemaker, with his other friends he was stupid (or so he thought), it was only in the Hitler Jungen that he could feel accepted. Why do we think it odd that a teenager runs to a group of people that encourage him and accept him? How did the Nazi’s win him? They said, "Good job," when he did well, and let him know that even he had something to offer to the Nazi party. There was a place he could fit in… not until the end when his hands were wrapped around his best friends neck did he realize what he was "getting into."
The Nazi’s did something genius, they tied politics and morality together. To be a good Nazi you didn’t drink or smoke, you didn’t take foreign foods into the system you were pure. Being a part of that party meant being pure, being German only, almost like being holy. There was rebellion against them; in the move it is the "Swing Kids" that rebel. Their lifestyle is understood as immoral and unhealthy. All they did was waist their time on music and dancing that clouded their judgment.
Morality was a tool used by the Nazi’s to get their way, my question, do we use morality to get our way politically?
In the last four years the United States has taken over two countries, one most people wouldn’t argue against, the other was taken over for weapons we never found. We are now stuck in a part of the world that is volatile. Why? Well, what is going on back home? What are the issues people vote on? I know people who will vote for a candidate purely for his stance on abortion. Why, because maybe abortion is murder (understand this is not necessarily my opinion) however, when that president allows physiological torcher against POW’s and orders the death of thousands of Muslims because they have a different set of politics no one bats an eyelash. I wonder why? I wonder if our current regime wins because it aligns itself with the moral right. Abortion, gay marriage… these are the things we care about, but what about our international ethics? I wonder.
I might be far fetched here… but a world leader has to start slow… I wonder if Hitler had worked slower, would he have gotten further? Hitler married politics and morality. Real German’s don’t drink, real German’s don’t dance, real German’s don’t like Jews. What do real Americans do? If you live in the Bible belt there is a good chance we don’t drink or dance, and who are we taught to hate? Who doesn’t fit into our social scheme, who is our scapegoat? Let me ask it a different way, what social issue keeps us from voting on a President in relation to the war? In Tennessee I think it is the 1st issue on the ballot, the marriage amendment. We will vote for any individual, even a megalomaniac (not to say Bush is) as long as they don’t let gay people marry. Because no matter how many Muslims we kill, at least Gay people can’t be married.
Shock and awe, that is what he called our tactics in Iraq. It means we come in fast and win, sort of like lightning. We scare them into letting us win, lightning is scary, why not just call it a lightning war instead, well… that name was already taken… Blitzkreig
A homeless schizophrenic came up to me in Wendi’s today and asked me if I felt safe… when people ask me that regardless of whether they are on their meds or not I am not sure what to say.
Monday, October 09, 2006
That tottling town
Went to Chicago over the weekend. Went to the "Windy City Lindy Exchange," had a great time. What is a Lindy Exchange you ask? Well, a Lindy Exchange is when a buch of swing dancer's often Lindy based or similar dances, get together and dance all weekend. I arrived in Chicago Saturday morning at 3 AM and danced until 5 AM Next dance started satruday night at 9:00 went till 12:00 the next started a 1:00 AM and we began driving home at 5 in the morning when it was over.
I had a blast, what did I learn you ask. I am not very good at dancing, but since I love it, I can get better.
I had a blast, what did I learn you ask. I am not very good at dancing, but since I love it, I can get better.
Thursday, September 28, 2006
The Dempsey's
A buddy a mine told me some time ago that I needed to hear this band called "The Dempsey's" he said I would "dig" them. So last night (Wednesday) I went to Blues City Cafe on Beale in Memphis to hear "The Dempsey's." Their show was amazing. It is this Rock-a-billie band. They started with "Cry Cry Cry," by Johnney Cash, they hit an Elvis song or two, and a lot of their own stuff. At one point the bassist seemed to almost make love to his bass at some points, sometimes it would look like he was riding the bass. Often he would stand on the bass and a couple times he stood on the base playing the guitar while the guitar player played the bass he was standing on. WOW. They played so much, so long, and so fast it was exhausting for me. If you ever get the chance check out "The Dempsey's" on a scale of 1-10 on amount of ass kicked I would say 10. All the ass in that place at some point got kicked. On the level of how much Hell was played on the base from demonic-sanctified. I would say they were sanctified because they played all the Hell out of that place. Anyway, check em out. I would post a pic but since I don't have internet "that is how the hipsters say it these days" it is a pain in the neck to post pics.
Peace and Hairgrease
Peace and Hairgrease
The Dempsey's
A buddy a mine told me some time ago that I needed to hear this band called "The Dempsey's" he said I would "dig" them. So last night (Wednesday) I went to Blues City Cafe on Beale in Memphis to hear "The Dempsey's." Their show was amazing. It is this Rock-a-billie band. They started with "Cry Cry Cry," by Johnney Cash, they hit an Elvis song or two, and a lot of their own stuff. At one point the bassist seemed to almost make love to his bass at some points, sometimes it would look like he was riding the bass. Often he would stand on the bass and a couple times he stood on the base playing the guitar while the guitar player played the bass he was standing on. WOW. They played so much, so long, and so fast it was exhausting for me. If you ever get the chance check out "The Dempsey's" on a scale of 1-10 on amount of ass kicked I would say 10. All the ass in that place at some point got kicked. On the level of how much Hell was played on the base from demonic-sanctified. I would say they were sanctified because they played all the Hell out of that place. Anyway, check em out. I would post a pic but since I don't have internet "that is how the hipsters say it these days" it is a pain in the neck to post pics.
Peace and Hairgrease
Peace and Hairgrease
Monday, September 18, 2006
rebelion and what not
I went to a conservative Christian college. By conservative I mean that we had a curfew and weren't allowed to dance. I believe things like that shape people in different ways, I don't begrudge their rule system and for the most part I adhered to it, sure I went out drinking a couple nights and took part in the usual, "sneaking out after curfew." but I think I did okay. This post is not to ask whether or not that is appropriate but I wonder, do I rebel against that mindset now, shortly after I graduated from their seminary and followed similar rules, sure there was no curfew and chapel wasn't required but the regulations on drinking were the same.
I look at my life and wonder if my actions are like that of a college kid who is just "getting it out of the system." This is what I mean, a friend of mine asked me the other day in reference to my strong and often offensive language, " your proud of it aren't you?" my responce was simply, "oh yeah, I would be lying if I said I wasn't, I blaim it on the fall," (that is an easy way to get out of things).
But if I make my list:
I "cuss" (what's the point of a word we can't say)
I smoke (a pipe because CS Lewis did so I figure what is good for him)
I drink, (but only good beer because it is about the taste: minimum New Castle)
I dance (everyone needs to exercise and this is the only kind I like
I am a demacrat (I wonder if this is a religious thing or because my father is a republican)
All these offenses could get one thrown out of school in my undergraduate. Cussing is cussing, smoking is a sin, drinking is a sin, dancing is a sin, and being a demacrat is a sin, and all of these things lead to sex which is the biggest of all sins. I question their validity in polarities like good and bad but that doesn't matter right now. But I wonder, do I do them because they are "me" or because I am rebelious and I haven't been allowed for the last eight years (college and seminary).
Do you have anything that might fall into the same catagory? I have political views that I believe fall into these catagories as well, I am curious to hear what you think, so please respond:
I look at my life and wonder if my actions are like that of a college kid who is just "getting it out of the system." This is what I mean, a friend of mine asked me the other day in reference to my strong and often offensive language, " your proud of it aren't you?" my responce was simply, "oh yeah, I would be lying if I said I wasn't, I blaim it on the fall," (that is an easy way to get out of things).
But if I make my list:
I "cuss" (what's the point of a word we can't say)
I smoke (a pipe because CS Lewis did so I figure what is good for him)
I drink, (but only good beer because it is about the taste: minimum New Castle)
I dance (everyone needs to exercise and this is the only kind I like
I am a demacrat (I wonder if this is a religious thing or because my father is a republican)
All these offenses could get one thrown out of school in my undergraduate. Cussing is cussing, smoking is a sin, drinking is a sin, dancing is a sin, and being a demacrat is a sin, and all of these things lead to sex which is the biggest of all sins. I question their validity in polarities like good and bad but that doesn't matter right now. But I wonder, do I do them because they are "me" or because I am rebelious and I haven't been allowed for the last eight years (college and seminary).
Do you have anything that might fall into the same catagory? I have political views that I believe fall into these catagories as well, I am curious to hear what you think, so please respond:
Thursday, September 14, 2006
Time to relax
When I get home from work I load my pipe with my favorite tobacco and I put my minidisc player on. I have a compilation that fits that mood. I do that with music, I like to complile playlists in relation to my mood. This list is called "women sing," it consists of Janis Joplin, Kathrine Whalen, Nora Jones, and none other than Billy Holiday. I sit on my fifteenth floor balcony and remember I am glad to be alive.
How do you relax, and what do you listen to?
How do you relax, and what do you listen to?
Sunday, September 10, 2006
Dancing and Dying
Last night I was dancing. I like dancing, I have blogged about this before, I swing dance. For all of you who can't imagine me dancing, remember spring sing? I think I just look better. I got home around 11:30 last night, of course it was saturday so that is cool. I opted not to go out with the crew after our dance because I had to work today, Sunday. I had a hard time really getting into the freedom and the mood of it though because I knew I would be returning to my job today.
When I am on call I work with five hospitals. I have visited two other than the one I stay at default tonight. I hope I am done tonight. I have had nice nights before where I got to sleep all night, the last two weeks have been different I got no more than two hours. It happens, I can live with that I just wish it would happen to someone else for a while.
At one hospital I was talking with a woman who might lose her son, and was sad their last discussion was an arguement. Then I got the question in another hospital, "when you wear blue does that mean someone died?" I told her no, but when we are working on call we wear blue labcoats so the staff can recognise us quickly as the chaplain. then she said, "anytime I see you in blue it means someone has died." Of course the kid I went to see wasn't out of the water yet.
When I came back to the default hospital I answered a death call where there was a lot of family. A LOT of family and they were all sad. You know something I appriciate about African American families, they support each other in mass numbers and they get their feelings out, even the men. Oh there is a manly cry and they have mastered it. I know I am stereotyping, but you will get over it. I think it is something white people can learn about family, it doesn't matter if they like each other they always come when they are needed, and when someone dies they are needed. At a death today there was wailing, there was praying and at one point I heard someone say "Jesus," and if I didn't know the situation I think he would have been cursing, but in this situation I think he was calling on the name of our savior because that is all there was to say.
This is what I say to anyone reading this post...Dance... dance in your own way, swing, latin, ballroom, alone in your room, with your wife, girlfriend, boyfriend, husband, father, mother, friend, relative. Dance when it is fun and dance when it is hard because life is a dance. If you can walk you can dance, but we don't always have a lot of time so just dance. It doesn't matter if you are good it doesn't matter if you suck. Just dance. Because when death knocks... I am tempted to stop dancing. But that is when I need to dance the hardest, because it is in the dance I know that I am alive. Walking away from a song that was faster than I thought, when I am tireder than I thought and I and my partner both pant trying to catch breath, then I know I am alive. And when I can no longer dance(which is when I am dead, read Tuesday's with Morrie)... I want someone to place silver dollars on my eyes so I can pay the boatman at the river Styx, then hopefully, when I cross that river, I can dance some more.
Tuesday, September 05, 2006
Labor on Labor day
It is Labor day I am working I labor, I am fine with working on Labor day it means I will raise true hell if I have to work on thanksgiving or Christmas. Some parts of the day have been very boring other parts have been very exciting and many many sad. The sad doesn't hit me like it used to, I think it is because I have been on call the last three or four mondays in a row. It is about 3:30 in the morning and I am beginning to get tired. "Why not go to bed?" you may ask, well everytime I just start getting comfortable my pager goes off and I have to rerobe and head somewhere in the hospital. Three people coded at the same time tonight. Well, all within 15 minutes. I have been getting to know the crisis team well. The resident who has been pronoucing is becomming a buddy. When I started this job doctors made me nervous, one one level they still do but by much less. Now I see them so much, the same ones over and over again. I can't help but think that my blue coat must symbolize death to some of them. I think patients families tend to take bad news better when a chaplain is around. I think I could be a fairly bad chaplain and still provide comfort just because I am there.
The thing though,
this job feeds my arrogance like crazy, I have never been to keen on being a minister, or at least not for years but I like this job, "chaplain." But I always picture myself standing up for the patient or the family or lowing the anxiety of a crisis because of my selfless work. I bring the peace of God and the stability of ten men, I work for God, I pray to God, I intercede for the people, I am god to them I am God. Most of the time I think I am just full of shit (now that I am not going to be a preacher anymore I don't have to hide that I say that word a lot). I am a pretty arrogant asshole when it comes to it. Nothing reminds me of that more than when I think of myself having this huge conversation with a family who is affraid to pronouce their father DNR (do not recessitate) and they finally stop putting their father through the constant pain of CPR and the harshness of recessitation. The doctors say, "Wow that chaplain really gets it," The female nurses swoon. Then at the time of the passing, that is where I am on my "A" game I pray and lead everyone in a rendition of "Pass me not O Gentle Savior" there is weaping and gnashing of teeth but at the middle providing the comfort of God is me. Like I said I am full of shit most of the time.
I will tell you when I am good though. When there is so much going on I don't think of myself. When I see the weary looks of the nurses busting their butts to keep someone alive, when I stop thinking of how good I am and think of how good the team functions. Not just me but the doctors, the nurses, the enviromental staff. But see the picture in my head is of me.
I am glad God forgives me of my damned vanity, I hope someday he cuts it from me so I can watch it die.
Well thats what I get for Blogging at 3:30 in the morning.
The thing though,
this job feeds my arrogance like crazy, I have never been to keen on being a minister, or at least not for years but I like this job, "chaplain." But I always picture myself standing up for the patient or the family or lowing the anxiety of a crisis because of my selfless work. I bring the peace of God and the stability of ten men, I work for God, I pray to God, I intercede for the people, I am god to them I am God. Most of the time I think I am just full of shit (now that I am not going to be a preacher anymore I don't have to hide that I say that word a lot). I am a pretty arrogant asshole when it comes to it. Nothing reminds me of that more than when I think of myself having this huge conversation with a family who is affraid to pronouce their father DNR (do not recessitate) and they finally stop putting their father through the constant pain of CPR and the harshness of recessitation. The doctors say, "Wow that chaplain really gets it," The female nurses swoon. Then at the time of the passing, that is where I am on my "A" game I pray and lead everyone in a rendition of "Pass me not O Gentle Savior" there is weaping and gnashing of teeth but at the middle providing the comfort of God is me. Like I said I am full of shit most of the time.
I will tell you when I am good though. When there is so much going on I don't think of myself. When I see the weary looks of the nurses busting their butts to keep someone alive, when I stop thinking of how good I am and think of how good the team functions. Not just me but the doctors, the nurses, the enviromental staff. But see the picture in my head is of me.
I am glad God forgives me of my damned vanity, I hope someday he cuts it from me so I can watch it die.
Well thats what I get for Blogging at 3:30 in the morning.
Friday, September 01, 2006
Blue like Jazz
You know when people talk about books on their blog they tend to put the picture up, well I am not putting the picture up and you can get over it :)
I just finished the book "Blue Like Jazz," by Donald Miller. I didn't like this book when I began to read it but I kept reading it because it made sense to me. As I went through the book it continued to make sense and I started to like it. By the end of the book he is talking about falling in love with Jesus and I am sitting in my office in the hospital almost crying.
This is what I think about the book.
But in the end... if you don't like narrative preaching... you won't like this book, but if life ever gets difficult and it and God don't make sense... You just might.
But morely what I really like about it.
There was something real about it. I know that he is a writer and they can make things sound real, but the way he describes people makes sense to me. In this book he never truly arrives at the end of the book he closes a thesis and he is further along in the jouney but he has not arrived. I love Brother Lawrence and Thomas a Kempis but the problem with them is that they seem to have arrived, well maybe Lawrence more than a Kempis. I read about saints and monks and they are holy and in their prayers transcend this mortal plain and in a sense transubstantiate into their glorified self. I don't get that from Miller. This guy actually has problems in his life. Not only did he come from difficult time but he is still in a difficult time. He opens the world to his struggle with the world but even more with the idea of religion. He tells a story very similar to me.
I wish I would run into Don Miller in Memphis Tennesse one day while I was sitting in my favorite coffee shop/bar Queztel. If I saw him there I think I would call him Don, buy him a beer and ask if he wanted to talk about life while we smoked our pipes together. After reading his book I feel like I know him. He brought his difficulties out and his weakness to the forefront. I have been reading a lot from Paul lately and he talks a lot about that.
The place in the Bible that really hits me right now is that part about Jacob in Genesis, his whole story but more specifically his wrestling with God. See I can identify with him more than characters like David or Job because Jacob was a hustler. He tricked his brother out of his birthright and helped his mother trick Essau out of a blessing. As we follow the story Laban husles Jacob. Tricks him into taking the ugly daughter first (think I'm being harsh huh.. well it is just sort of who I am) then he tricks him into 7 more years of work. The husler is hussled. After that Laban tries to trick him out of sheep. Later Jacob also finds out the woman he wanted the most is petty. She steals household God's and gets a little cocky with her ugly sister (I know you think I am harsh but these are the same words I used to use for myself so just go with me for a second).
Jacob has now wrestled with men... then some dude comes out of nowhere and starts trying to make him say uncle. We find out this guy is actually God and he can't beat Jacob until he cheats. Jacob still doesn't let up through the pain of his leg, the separation from his family of origin, domestic issues in his current family and the fear that the older brother is going to kick his ass. In the face of all this Jacob has the odassity to say "bless me."
I have been a hustler, I have been hustled, and I have lived in fear that my older brother is going to kick my ass. I have also wrestled with God and sometimes it feels like God is cheating. But in the end, he blesses me...
I think that is what I would talk to Don about. But my problem is if I did see him one of two things would probably happen. I would say nothing and lose my opportunity like I have in so many other situations, especially when it involves women, or... I would say something like, "hey man, I really appriciated your book," and while trying to sound cool exchanged a few words and walk off never saying, "can we chat? I'll buy you a beer."
So, Don Miller, if you ever read this post and you are in Memphis TN I would like to buy you a beer, invitation's open.
Justin McCreary
9/1/06
I just finished the book "Blue Like Jazz," by Donald Miller. I didn't like this book when I began to read it but I kept reading it because it made sense to me. As I went through the book it continued to make sense and I started to like it. By the end of the book he is talking about falling in love with Jesus and I am sitting in my office in the hospital almost crying.
This is what I think about the book.
But in the end... if you don't like narrative preaching... you won't like this book, but if life ever gets difficult and it and God don't make sense... You just might.
But morely what I really like about it.
There was something real about it. I know that he is a writer and they can make things sound real, but the way he describes people makes sense to me. In this book he never truly arrives at the end of the book he closes a thesis and he is further along in the jouney but he has not arrived. I love Brother Lawrence and Thomas a Kempis but the problem with them is that they seem to have arrived, well maybe Lawrence more than a Kempis. I read about saints and monks and they are holy and in their prayers transcend this mortal plain and in a sense transubstantiate into their glorified self. I don't get that from Miller. This guy actually has problems in his life. Not only did he come from difficult time but he is still in a difficult time. He opens the world to his struggle with the world but even more with the idea of religion. He tells a story very similar to me.
I wish I would run into Don Miller in Memphis Tennesse one day while I was sitting in my favorite coffee shop/bar Queztel. If I saw him there I think I would call him Don, buy him a beer and ask if he wanted to talk about life while we smoked our pipes together. After reading his book I feel like I know him. He brought his difficulties out and his weakness to the forefront. I have been reading a lot from Paul lately and he talks a lot about that.
The place in the Bible that really hits me right now is that part about Jacob in Genesis, his whole story but more specifically his wrestling with God. See I can identify with him more than characters like David or Job because Jacob was a hustler. He tricked his brother out of his birthright and helped his mother trick Essau out of a blessing. As we follow the story Laban husles Jacob. Tricks him into taking the ugly daughter first (think I'm being harsh huh.. well it is just sort of who I am) then he tricks him into 7 more years of work. The husler is hussled. After that Laban tries to trick him out of sheep. Later Jacob also finds out the woman he wanted the most is petty. She steals household God's and gets a little cocky with her ugly sister (I know you think I am harsh but these are the same words I used to use for myself so just go with me for a second).
Jacob has now wrestled with men... then some dude comes out of nowhere and starts trying to make him say uncle. We find out this guy is actually God and he can't beat Jacob until he cheats. Jacob still doesn't let up through the pain of his leg, the separation from his family of origin, domestic issues in his current family and the fear that the older brother is going to kick his ass. In the face of all this Jacob has the odassity to say "bless me."
I have been a hustler, I have been hustled, and I have lived in fear that my older brother is going to kick my ass. I have also wrestled with God and sometimes it feels like God is cheating. But in the end, he blesses me...
I think that is what I would talk to Don about. But my problem is if I did see him one of two things would probably happen. I would say nothing and lose my opportunity like I have in so many other situations, especially when it involves women, or... I would say something like, "hey man, I really appriciated your book," and while trying to sound cool exchanged a few words and walk off never saying, "can we chat? I'll buy you a beer."
So, Don Miller, if you ever read this post and you are in Memphis TN I would like to buy you a beer, invitation's open.
Justin McCreary
9/1/06
Tuesday, August 29, 2006
...and he descended into Hell
Just wanted to blog to say hi. I am on call at Methodist hospital tonight it is 12:38 in the morning and I am just trying to come down off a rather interesting night hoping to be able to sleep in about thrity minutes for the rest of the night. I think God was watching over me tonight. I have had to deal with hard situations and every time I have been told how helpful I was.
The apostles creed says:
I believe in God, the Father Almighty,
the Creator of heaven and earth,
and in Jesus Christ, His only Son, our Lord:
Who was conceived of the Holy Spirit,
born of the Virgin Mary,
suffered under Pontius Pilate,
was crucified, died, and was buried.
He descended into hell.
The third day He arose again from the dead.
He ascended into heaven
and sits at the right hand of God the Father Almighty,
whence He shall come to judge the living and the dead.
I believe in the Holy Spirit, the holy catholic church,
the communion of saints,
the forgiveness of sins,
the resurrection of the body,
and life everlasting.
Amen
A lot of people have issue with the ...and he decended into Hell phrase, I don't because I completely change its meaning to fit what I do and throw the tradition of it out the window. It is what a chaplain does. I was in the ER tonight and there were plenty of people in Hell. They were in hell some of their own making and some as consequence of others but what I would describe what they were going through is hell.
Any person who chooses to descend into hell with them must be crazy. But that is their job. It is the job of therepists, ministers, chaplains, social workers, doctors, nurses, law enforcement, firemen. Who chooses to run into a burning building? Jesus. It is nice though after I run into a busy ER to know that I have been helpful, because that brings about ressurection.
Maybe these are just the ramblings of a tired man... But I wonder, have you ever descended into hell? I would bet that at some time in life you have. If you are willing to talk about it I would like to read about it.
The apostles creed says:
I believe in God, the Father Almighty,
the Creator of heaven and earth,
and in Jesus Christ, His only Son, our Lord:
Who was conceived of the Holy Spirit,
born of the Virgin Mary,
suffered under Pontius Pilate,
was crucified, died, and was buried.
He descended into hell.
The third day He arose again from the dead.
He ascended into heaven
and sits at the right hand of God the Father Almighty,
whence He shall come to judge the living and the dead.
I believe in the Holy Spirit, the holy catholic church,
the communion of saints,
the forgiveness of sins,
the resurrection of the body,
and life everlasting.
Amen
A lot of people have issue with the ...and he decended into Hell phrase, I don't because I completely change its meaning to fit what I do and throw the tradition of it out the window. It is what a chaplain does. I was in the ER tonight and there were plenty of people in Hell. They were in hell some of their own making and some as consequence of others but what I would describe what they were going through is hell.
Any person who chooses to descend into hell with them must be crazy. But that is their job. It is the job of therepists, ministers, chaplains, social workers, doctors, nurses, law enforcement, firemen. Who chooses to run into a burning building? Jesus. It is nice though after I run into a busy ER to know that I have been helpful, because that brings about ressurection.
Maybe these are just the ramblings of a tired man... But I wonder, have you ever descended into hell? I would bet that at some time in life you have. If you are willing to talk about it I would like to read about it.
Thursday, August 17, 2006
Memories
Well, my first unit of CPE is over, so I am posting a pic of all the new residents, some of you might recognize Kevin and I, but I am sure you wonder about the guy with the collar. That is Dennis, he is a candidate to be a Roman Catholic Priest. That day was the first day he could wear a collar, I was proud to serve with him in the hospital, many of us are sad that he was only doing one unit of CPE, Dennis was a good chaplain and will probably turn out to be a good priest, he was also a good friend. Godspeed Dennis.
This is a picture of me, it was Hawaiian shirt day, even though I was the only one who wore a Hawaiian shirt, even though I got that shirt in Fiji. Mainly I am just posting it to change my identity pic from "that 70's Justin"
Wednesday, August 16, 2006
We didn't start the fire
Thalidomide came out in the late 1950's, it was created by a West German comany to aid as a seditive and decrease the symptoms of morning sickness. Later they found out that it is dangerous for women who are babies and there were over 15,000 children affected by thalidomide only 8000 lived beyond one year. For its original use, the drug was banned but later was found to help in cases of Leprosy and Multiple Melinoma (skin cancer).
Thalidamide is still used today, and I am cool with that because when it is used appropriately it is very helpful. It is currently produced by the company Celgene. Now I know what you are wondering, what is the point of this post, since I am not going to blast the use of Thalidomide?
It costs 7 cents to make one Thalidomide pill, ten years ago it sold for a few dollars a pill but now since it is making a comeback the price is $69.00 a pill. I know what your asking, has it gotten harder to make? Nope, what the company does is estimate a price it wants to make that year. The final per pill price comes from dividing what they expect to sell by what they estimate they want to make.
If I am clear I wonder if you are going to respond the same way I am, "Holy sh*t, where do they get off." However if you go to brazil to get the drug you pay much less, why? part of it is that our government is not allowed to negotiate with drug companies. Now, this is the simple of the arguement it is very think and I just heard a doctor talking about it, but I wonder, if they are doing this thing with one drug how many more.
When medical treatment of HIV came out it was also incredibly expensive but has since been lowered, and you may ask how did this happen? Well, HIV patients chained themselves to Wallstreat. The problem is with people who have leprosy and Multiple Melinoma is that they can't chain themselves anywhere.
What I see everyday is that dying is expensive. The cost to keep someone alive with no brain function for four months is astronomical. The cost to cremate a body can excede 1000 dollars, I know a place in town that will do if for 800. A casket, a vault, well once you get there we are also talking rediculous amounts of money.
We are one of the richest countries in the world yet we cannot afford to provide health care? We can't negotiatie to keep drug prices reasonable? In the end do you know who pays for all of it? We do, American tax payers. I try not to rant about politics very often but I often look at our healthcare system and just get angry. The people with the money get fixed first and best, its the American way. It is fun to blaim doctors, hospitals, and HMO's, but do we ever talk about the drug companies, who say, we will charge you what we want and you will pay it or you will die. Who knows maybe I am just mininformed.
Thalidamide is still used today, and I am cool with that because when it is used appropriately it is very helpful. It is currently produced by the company Celgene. Now I know what you are wondering, what is the point of this post, since I am not going to blast the use of Thalidomide?
It costs 7 cents to make one Thalidomide pill, ten years ago it sold for a few dollars a pill but now since it is making a comeback the price is $69.00 a pill. I know what your asking, has it gotten harder to make? Nope, what the company does is estimate a price it wants to make that year. The final per pill price comes from dividing what they expect to sell by what they estimate they want to make.
If I am clear I wonder if you are going to respond the same way I am, "Holy sh*t, where do they get off." However if you go to brazil to get the drug you pay much less, why? part of it is that our government is not allowed to negotiate with drug companies. Now, this is the simple of the arguement it is very think and I just heard a doctor talking about it, but I wonder, if they are doing this thing with one drug how many more.
When medical treatment of HIV came out it was also incredibly expensive but has since been lowered, and you may ask how did this happen? Well, HIV patients chained themselves to Wallstreat. The problem is with people who have leprosy and Multiple Melinoma is that they can't chain themselves anywhere.
What I see everyday is that dying is expensive. The cost to keep someone alive with no brain function for four months is astronomical. The cost to cremate a body can excede 1000 dollars, I know a place in town that will do if for 800. A casket, a vault, well once you get there we are also talking rediculous amounts of money.
We are one of the richest countries in the world yet we cannot afford to provide health care? We can't negotiatie to keep drug prices reasonable? In the end do you know who pays for all of it? We do, American tax payers. I try not to rant about politics very often but I often look at our healthcare system and just get angry. The people with the money get fixed first and best, its the American way. It is fun to blaim doctors, hospitals, and HMO's, but do we ever talk about the drug companies, who say, we will charge you what we want and you will pay it or you will die. Who knows maybe I am just mininformed.
Tuesday, August 08, 2006
Just a little rant to Jesus...
I have a lot going on, but not a lot to say. I am pushing through one of those difficult times, a lot of questioning and soul searching.
I was sitting on the balcony outside my apartment the other day, I live a block away from the hospital in which I work, and I heard an ambulance rushing, lights on, to the hospital. I used to get frustrated when I passed them on the streets or if I had to wait for them in traffic. I would get angry if I missed a light because of an ambulance or a fire truck. But that day sitting on the balcony I wondered... I wondered, "God what are you going to do about this one." When I see an ambulance head toward the local children's hospital connected to the Methodist hospitals in Memphis, I think back to the first call I answered to it. Now when I see an ambulance I think of people, I think of mothers and fathers, I think of doctors and nurses, I think of social workers and case workers, I think of Emergency Medical Teams, I think of Chaplains. I think of all the lives that will be affected by what is happening. I think of all the lives effected when someone tries to beat a train and misses, when a young boy misjudges the space he has while riding his four wheeler. Sometimes I think of adult deaths where no one shows up to pay respects. I think of standing inside the room of a forgotten elderly person who was just happy to have someone to vent to one week earlier and now lies dead. I think of the mother that just heard there are five tumors instead of one but wants to be strong for her family, or the father who has just lost his oldest child. Once a patient told me they saw my face transfigured in a dream, that would be nice. See I think I am starting to understand original sin. Maybe it isn't like a gene passed down from person to person but it is a problem passed down because we are fallen. Because of that one sin maybe man is totally depraved. Sometimes the only way that I can get through a day is to think... Calvin wasn't completely wrong. We live in a fallen world, and that world will continue to get worse and worse, what is the powers and principalities that we wage war against. I see our falleness, our original sin every day... that is why I am such a fan of grace... I don't believe the world is going to get any better, but... I think people can. I don't know, maybe this doesn't make any sense, just the rant of a tired man looking for answers. When John wrote his Apocolypse he seemed to think the only thing that could change his world was God, forgive me if I say, this world is apocolyptic, the only thing that could possibly change it is the presense of God. But people that is a different story, maybe we can relate to people... maybe every day we can touch lives, something beyond just knocking on doors of people we don't know or just telling people they need to change, but interacting with their life and letting them see that we care. That is, if we really do care? So God, what are you going to do now?
I was sitting on the balcony outside my apartment the other day, I live a block away from the hospital in which I work, and I heard an ambulance rushing, lights on, to the hospital. I used to get frustrated when I passed them on the streets or if I had to wait for them in traffic. I would get angry if I missed a light because of an ambulance or a fire truck. But that day sitting on the balcony I wondered... I wondered, "God what are you going to do about this one." When I see an ambulance head toward the local children's hospital connected to the Methodist hospitals in Memphis, I think back to the first call I answered to it. Now when I see an ambulance I think of people, I think of mothers and fathers, I think of doctors and nurses, I think of social workers and case workers, I think of Emergency Medical Teams, I think of Chaplains. I think of all the lives that will be affected by what is happening. I think of all the lives effected when someone tries to beat a train and misses, when a young boy misjudges the space he has while riding his four wheeler. Sometimes I think of adult deaths where no one shows up to pay respects. I think of standing inside the room of a forgotten elderly person who was just happy to have someone to vent to one week earlier and now lies dead. I think of the mother that just heard there are five tumors instead of one but wants to be strong for her family, or the father who has just lost his oldest child. Once a patient told me they saw my face transfigured in a dream, that would be nice. See I think I am starting to understand original sin. Maybe it isn't like a gene passed down from person to person but it is a problem passed down because we are fallen. Because of that one sin maybe man is totally depraved. Sometimes the only way that I can get through a day is to think... Calvin wasn't completely wrong. We live in a fallen world, and that world will continue to get worse and worse, what is the powers and principalities that we wage war against. I see our falleness, our original sin every day... that is why I am such a fan of grace... I don't believe the world is going to get any better, but... I think people can. I don't know, maybe this doesn't make any sense, just the rant of a tired man looking for answers. When John wrote his Apocolypse he seemed to think the only thing that could change his world was God, forgive me if I say, this world is apocolyptic, the only thing that could possibly change it is the presense of God. But people that is a different story, maybe we can relate to people... maybe every day we can touch lives, something beyond just knocking on doors of people we don't know or just telling people they need to change, but interacting with their life and letting them see that we care. That is, if we really do care? So God, what are you going to do now?
Friday, July 28, 2006
Just a thought on folk
There are many kinds of people and we can be described in many ways with many many interconnected descriptions, there are two specific descriptions I am currently thinking of.
Contemplative and Pragmatic.
These two are not opposites, nor are thy thorough descriptions but this is the thought I had.
There are monks who spend years learning to pray. Prayer is important and personally something I struggle with, the idea of stilling the mind and allowing the Spirit to come upon me. I do however appriciate contemplative prayer. I also appriciate a church service that helps me settle my mind to be able to pray contemplativly. A prayer that is not necissarily focused on things or people but more on a relationship with God in heaven. I spent my last year in seminary working on this aspect of prayer, it wasn't intercessory nor was it problem based, it was reliationship based. Part of it was simply about time and about focus, was I willing to give God the tired part of my day. I would attened different services in town that provided a high church atmosphere. It is important for a Christian whether he is a leader or not to be able to settle the mind and set in relationship with God.
There is also the pragmatic. Equally important. The pragmatic is out in the neighborhood and visible. The pragmatic is always taking requests and always praying for people and things. The pragmatic service is exciting and "spirit filled." It is a place where people can stand up and raise their hands and not worry about eyes on them or how people respond. It is very lively and when we leave the service we might say things like "We had church today."
Both functions can be communial, a group of monks can sit somberly and pray together, and by way of testimony both can be used to contemplate the goodness of God. But I think there is a fullness is being able to interchange between the two.
Have you silently let your heart be still and embraced God like Elijah? Have you praised the Lord in full spirit like Saul?
Contemplative and Pragmatic.
These two are not opposites, nor are thy thorough descriptions but this is the thought I had.
There are monks who spend years learning to pray. Prayer is important and personally something I struggle with, the idea of stilling the mind and allowing the Spirit to come upon me. I do however appriciate contemplative prayer. I also appriciate a church service that helps me settle my mind to be able to pray contemplativly. A prayer that is not necissarily focused on things or people but more on a relationship with God in heaven. I spent my last year in seminary working on this aspect of prayer, it wasn't intercessory nor was it problem based, it was reliationship based. Part of it was simply about time and about focus, was I willing to give God the tired part of my day. I would attened different services in town that provided a high church atmosphere. It is important for a Christian whether he is a leader or not to be able to settle the mind and set in relationship with God.
There is also the pragmatic. Equally important. The pragmatic is out in the neighborhood and visible. The pragmatic is always taking requests and always praying for people and things. The pragmatic service is exciting and "spirit filled." It is a place where people can stand up and raise their hands and not worry about eyes on them or how people respond. It is very lively and when we leave the service we might say things like "We had church today."
Both functions can be communial, a group of monks can sit somberly and pray together, and by way of testimony both can be used to contemplate the goodness of God. But I think there is a fullness is being able to interchange between the two.
Have you silently let your heart be still and embraced God like Elijah? Have you praised the Lord in full spirit like Saul?
Thursday, July 20, 2006
Changing the world, one feeling at a time
I have been reading a theory by a guy named Murrey Bowen, his idea is called "Family Systems." The basic premise is that each family system has anxiety, and the way we manage that anxiety relates to the level of differentiation of each member of the family. As a whole it is not individualistic, however is a system made up by people who are individuals. One basic contention is that we cannot change the way our family interracts. but only the way we interact within the family system. We then best effect the system by paying attention to our own emotional reactivity, not ignoring our emotions but acknowledging them then choosing to respond from a principled stand as opposed to our own emotional reactivity. I react to people more often than interact with them. I can respond either abusivly or passive aggressivly because I am reacting to my own emotions. Someone might call me and tell me they are angry because of something I said, my first inclination is to defend what I said instead of listening to why they are angry. If I truly listen to what they say I might realize something I had done might have been insensative or impropper. I might also realize they may have misunderstood what I am saying either because they didn't want to hear or I was unclear, or both. Of course in that situation there were probably many instances where I didn't want to hear and misunderstood someone else. Often in that case I don't respond until later, I will let my anxiety settle and then choose how I am going to respond, if I am not emotionally reacive.
But in no way is this individualistic. People, especially children act out many different roles in a family, saint, mascott, problem child, good kid, etc... However to change the system parents can get more in touch with themselves ie. their realtionship with their own parents, either living or dead. Another way sympoms manifest in a sytem is physically, through sickness, lets say I grew up sick and when I quit being sick someone else became sick, then when they got over it someone else was sick. That turns into a way for the family to focus the anxiety of a system. When the anxiety is focussed on the sick one then it isn't bothering others.
Anyway this is a bad rendition of Bowen but I was thinking about this in a larger situation, lets say the country. The United States is one big system, and a very anxious one at that. How do we repair the anxiety of America? I wonder if Bowen would say work on myself? Do what I can to personally act out of a principle stand, and in doing that others around me might begin to do that, and over a few generations the system has righted itself. All I can do is work on me, I can't fix other people and often when I try to tell other people how to fix things they cuss me out, so why not just focus on me being the best me I can be, meaning, I act not react, I work hard myself, I treat other people with respect... Maybe...
But in no way is this individualistic. People, especially children act out many different roles in a family, saint, mascott, problem child, good kid, etc... However to change the system parents can get more in touch with themselves ie. their realtionship with their own parents, either living or dead. Another way sympoms manifest in a sytem is physically, through sickness, lets say I grew up sick and when I quit being sick someone else became sick, then when they got over it someone else was sick. That turns into a way for the family to focus the anxiety of a system. When the anxiety is focussed on the sick one then it isn't bothering others.
Anyway this is a bad rendition of Bowen but I was thinking about this in a larger situation, lets say the country. The United States is one big system, and a very anxious one at that. How do we repair the anxiety of America? I wonder if Bowen would say work on myself? Do what I can to personally act out of a principle stand, and in doing that others around me might begin to do that, and over a few generations the system has righted itself. All I can do is work on me, I can't fix other people and often when I try to tell other people how to fix things they cuss me out, so why not just focus on me being the best me I can be, meaning, I act not react, I work hard myself, I treat other people with respect... Maybe...
Friday, July 07, 2006
Death wears blue
I deal with death a good deal. Today I was walking through a floor with two other chaplain and one chaplain said to me, "I wonder what people think happened that three chaplains are together on one floor." I had never been to a hospital with a chaplain before I started working at one as a chaplain, but people know us here, they know our color and they know our faces. We walk hand in hand with death and stand at the chasm between now and evermore for many people. You have never lived until you walk a hallway with a family that has been waiting to identify a loved one for an hour while the body is cleaned, or seen the look of hope in the eyes of old men when you know the truth but aren't allowed to tell them. Well maybe you have lived, and maybe its ok to never experience these things. These are the things I hate about my job. I had to answer a call at Methodist North one night and when I got out of my car in my blue coat a man on the side of the road asked, "Who died." To those who do not know and are still filled with hope we can be banshees, to those who know and don't have the strength angels... And if we aren't careful... we become calloused and cold. We deal with death so much we were asked to write letters to death and then we gathered together in one place and read them to one another. My letter is personal but nothing I am ashamed of so I post it for any who are interested, blanking out no names and making no apologies.
God Bless
Justin
Dear Death,
It is because of you I keep from wasting away. I could sit in my chair and rot, I could do nothing, never reaching out, and never living in my community. I think without you I would never love and without you I would never know love. I stood in the room with you one night waiting. Waiting for the moment of expiration. As his breath became thin, as his blood pressure dropped you stood their waiting, ever so patiently, thinking if not now, later.
Death, I know that you will have your way with us, I know that you will come for my family one by one and then one day you will come for me. But in that instant while you stood their and waited I watched a wife and mother hold her lovers hand and it made me see where I stand, and that I stand alone. You drive me death to desire to act yet I stand ever watching ever waiting, you hang over my shoulder warning me of some inevitable time when we shall walk hand in hand to the boatman at the River Styx.
When you come Death I hope to be able to sing my history, when I was seventeen, when I was 21 and so on, and I hope like the singer sung to have no regret but to know that I truly lived. More than you I fear regret, to stand before God and regret the chances I didn’t take and the love I never found.
But that doesn’t mean you don’t take. I remember when I was young you took my Uncle Jim then later you took my Uncle Bud. I cried for both men, I cried because there was no longer a place in my life to talk with them, never again would I ride through the hills of West Virginia in Jim’s Jeep, or talk theology with my Uncle Bud. I wish I knew your response when I cried, and your facial expressions during my sobs.
After a night of visiting your sites over and over again, I am weary. I am physically weary but more of the soul. I am tired and restless. My heart sleeps but my body lies awake with the faces of the dead, the slack jaw and the half open eyes. Sometimes it is like any moment their chest will spasm and their lungs cry out for Oxygen. I still have burned in my mind the girl who died by the train. Her face still and silent her body cocooned in a bag. The walk for identification was an eerie sound, the sound of heels hitting the floor in a silent building. The long walk lead by the man in blue…
I tried to approach a woman on my hall and she fled from me like we all flee from you, as if I were death myself. Sometimes it feels as if I carry your scythe and wear your mask. I am associated to you, yet I don’t take life. I am full of holes, holes of the men in my life who have gone before, holes of the ones I have seen. I don’t hate you, but I feel a little emptier every time I see your work. When I am gone you will still walk the Earth, long after even. Eternity is in the hearts of men, but death is eternal.
Sincerely
Justin
God Bless
Justin
Dear Death,
It is because of you I keep from wasting away. I could sit in my chair and rot, I could do nothing, never reaching out, and never living in my community. I think without you I would never love and without you I would never know love. I stood in the room with you one night waiting. Waiting for the moment of expiration. As his breath became thin, as his blood pressure dropped you stood their waiting, ever so patiently, thinking if not now, later.
Death, I know that you will have your way with us, I know that you will come for my family one by one and then one day you will come for me. But in that instant while you stood their and waited I watched a wife and mother hold her lovers hand and it made me see where I stand, and that I stand alone. You drive me death to desire to act yet I stand ever watching ever waiting, you hang over my shoulder warning me of some inevitable time when we shall walk hand in hand to the boatman at the River Styx.
When you come Death I hope to be able to sing my history, when I was seventeen, when I was 21 and so on, and I hope like the singer sung to have no regret but to know that I truly lived. More than you I fear regret, to stand before God and regret the chances I didn’t take and the love I never found.
But that doesn’t mean you don’t take. I remember when I was young you took my Uncle Jim then later you took my Uncle Bud. I cried for both men, I cried because there was no longer a place in my life to talk with them, never again would I ride through the hills of West Virginia in Jim’s Jeep, or talk theology with my Uncle Bud. I wish I knew your response when I cried, and your facial expressions during my sobs.
After a night of visiting your sites over and over again, I am weary. I am physically weary but more of the soul. I am tired and restless. My heart sleeps but my body lies awake with the faces of the dead, the slack jaw and the half open eyes. Sometimes it is like any moment their chest will spasm and their lungs cry out for Oxygen. I still have burned in my mind the girl who died by the train. Her face still and silent her body cocooned in a bag. The walk for identification was an eerie sound, the sound of heels hitting the floor in a silent building. The long walk lead by the man in blue…
I tried to approach a woman on my hall and she fled from me like we all flee from you, as if I were death myself. Sometimes it feels as if I carry your scythe and wear your mask. I am associated to you, yet I don’t take life. I am full of holes, holes of the men in my life who have gone before, holes of the ones I have seen. I don’t hate you, but I feel a little emptier every time I see your work. When I am gone you will still walk the Earth, long after even. Eternity is in the hearts of men, but death is eternal.
Sincerely
Justin
Tuesday, June 27, 2006
Hail to the beeper
I never thought I would be important enough to wear a beeper, it is funny two days ago I had three on. Tonight, I have two. I have one pager that is specific to me, and the other is a general pager that the on-call chaplain carries. So when people need a chaplain at any hour of the night, they can page one, we have a chaplain on duty 24 hours a day at Methodist Hospital in Memphis. The exiciting part about being on call is that I never know what is comming, they tell us, "Eat when your hungry , sleep when you can, because you might get called at any time."
Last time I was on-call there were three death notifications, and various other things that weren't incredibly fun to help with. We see a lot of death working in the hospital, go figure, right... To help deal with this, we have been directed to write a letter to Death. The chaplains will all get together on Friday and read each other the letters. Thing is, I don't know what to say.
Dear Death,
How are you, how's your mom, remember years ago when we used to hang out, you know before they called you Death and you were just Communicable Disease?
I am curious, how do you hold your head when you deal with crossing the river styx?
Last time I was on-call there were three death notifications, and various other things that weren't incredibly fun to help with. We see a lot of death working in the hospital, go figure, right... To help deal with this, we have been directed to write a letter to Death. The chaplains will all get together on Friday and read each other the letters. Thing is, I don't know what to say.
Dear Death,
How are you, how's your mom, remember years ago when we used to hang out, you know before they called you Death and you were just Communicable Disease?
I am curious, how do you hold your head when you deal with crossing the river styx?
Friday, June 16, 2006
Theology and Fire
I have a few minutes so I figured I would post again.
I am a chaplain on call until 5:00 it is 20 after 4. I am hoping that nothing happens between now and then, the thing is we never know. A chaplain gets called at every death in the methodist hospitals, we arrive and say, "hello I am the chaplain and I am here to help you in anyway I can." I have only been on one actual death call but have been called to three. The other two were during the day when another chaplain took the call (I know it is confusing but just trust me). The one I did go to I wasn't actually on call, just riding along for the experience, it was the hardest thing I have ever done.
I think alot on what it means to be a hospital chaplain but more who I am as a hospital chaplain. I have been here three weeks and talked to over 150 people. Some of them are in great moods, some of them pretend to be in great moods, and some are in horrible moods. I remember standing in a tragety once thinking, "there is nothing to say right now, there is no word I can give to give meaning to this occurance." I wonder at those times if the seminary training was all bullshit. Currently I don't think so. The seminary training gave me an underlying theology to consider life through, now my theology, ever changing is being tested in fire. Now that I think about it, it doesn't shock me that people who just lost a daughter, sister, grandaughter, niece, cousin, or friend care nothing about the exegesis of Romans 8:28. More than that they may be weeping and wailing to God, "Why, God oh why," but they really aren't looking for an answer, at least not in this case. Fire... hmm...
I am a chaplain on call until 5:00 it is 20 after 4. I am hoping that nothing happens between now and then, the thing is we never know. A chaplain gets called at every death in the methodist hospitals, we arrive and say, "hello I am the chaplain and I am here to help you in anyway I can." I have only been on one actual death call but have been called to three. The other two were during the day when another chaplain took the call (I know it is confusing but just trust me). The one I did go to I wasn't actually on call, just riding along for the experience, it was the hardest thing I have ever done.
I think alot on what it means to be a hospital chaplain but more who I am as a hospital chaplain. I have been here three weeks and talked to over 150 people. Some of them are in great moods, some of them pretend to be in great moods, and some are in horrible moods. I remember standing in a tragety once thinking, "there is nothing to say right now, there is no word I can give to give meaning to this occurance." I wonder at those times if the seminary training was all bullshit. Currently I don't think so. The seminary training gave me an underlying theology to consider life through, now my theology, ever changing is being tested in fire. Now that I think about it, it doesn't shock me that people who just lost a daughter, sister, grandaughter, niece, cousin, or friend care nothing about the exegesis of Romans 8:28. More than that they may be weeping and wailing to God, "Why, God oh why," but they really aren't looking for an answer, at least not in this case. Fire... hmm...
quick note
Just a real quick note:
I am sorry to have let my blogging slip so much, I have a lot to tell everyone but I have been so busy I just don't have time. I love my job, it is so great to enjoy getting up in the morning because I know I will be going to work. I am currently a hospital chaplain if anyone is curious or haven't read it somewhere else. It is a neat job sometimes and a horrible job others, depending on what is going on.
I am sorry to have let my blogging slip so much, I have a lot to tell everyone but I have been so busy I just don't have time. I love my job, it is so great to enjoy getting up in the morning because I know I will be going to work. I am currently a hospital chaplain if anyone is curious or haven't read it somewhere else. It is a neat job sometimes and a horrible job others, depending on what is going on.
Friday, June 02, 2006
Chapel to Chaplain
So I no longer go to chapel five days a week (which is sad, because I liked chapel) however five days a week and sometimes Sunday I will work as a Hospital Chaplain at Methodist Lebonner in Memphis. The neat thing is I get a cool blue labcoat, I will post a picture when I get my coat, I have seen though that it will be very difficult work. Everyone tells me the first month is the worst, I asked the chaplain on call last night if it ever gets easier, she said, "easier no, but better."
The newest leg of my journey should be exciting. Keep me in your prayers.
God Bless
Justin
The newest leg of my journey should be exciting. Keep me in your prayers.
God Bless
Justin
Friday, May 26, 2006
Movin on up...
So I moved most of my worldly belongings to an apartment in Midtown on Wednesday. Now it is Friday and I am moving the little things (which really add up) you know the things I need to actually live there because I have still been living at my apartment at the graduate school. For days I have been telling myself Friday night I will begin to sleep at the new apartment. Well it is Friday and I am experiencing some sadness over this. My apartment on campus has provided me a community of people whom I can always find someone to talk to or go to eat with. It is a Christian place, for the most part, and comfortable. I am used to it and it has been a stable part of my life for four years. What is funny is that I have been a stable part of this campus for four years, I tend to stick out anyway. It is major transition for me.
On Tuesday I will enter into orientation at Methodist Hospitial in Memphis. I will be a hospital chaplin, for at least a year. So from Graduation to this point I have been taking a bit of a break.
Anyway God speed.
On Tuesday I will enter into orientation at Methodist Hospitial in Memphis. I will be a hospital chaplin, for at least a year. So from Graduation to this point I have been taking a bit of a break.
Anyway God speed.
Monday, May 22, 2006
 | You scored as Christianity. Your views are most similar to those of Christianity. Do more research on Christianity and possibly consider being baptized and accepting Jesus, if you aren't already Christian. Christianity is the second of the Abrahamic faiths; it follows Judaism and is followed by Islam. It differs in its belief of Jesus, as not a prophet nor historical figure, but as God in human form. The Holy Trinity is the concept that God takes three forms: the Father, the Son (Jesus), and the Holy Ghost (sometimes called Holy Spirit). Jesus taught the idea of instead of seeking revenge, one should love his or her neighbors and enemies. Christians believe that Jesus died on the cross to save humankind and forgive people's sins.
Which religion is the right one for you? (new version) created with QuizFarm.com |
Check this out, things like these are intersting, what is most intersting is the set of questions they use to pick out certain things. What is also interesting is where I fall right under Christianity, Buddhism. Ha, that is so cool.
Wednesday, May 17, 2006
Last to leave
For the last 9 years I have been living in a school setting, four and half for college and four and a half for my MDiv (I know that sounds long but it is 84 hours). One neat thing about this setting is meeting Christians from all over the country and often the world. The bad thing about it is that at some point everyone leaves. And while I revel in the folks that are going to stay in Memphis like me and the friends I have made who are not associated to my school there is still the problem of saying goodbye.
I am not very good at it, of course who is? I have a special goodbye I have to do today and I have been putting it off as long as I can. Mostly because I don't know what to say to the friend who has been here almost as long as I have and has helped carry me through many hard times. The thing that really sucks is that as much as I like to think that I will probably see them again it will never be what it is now again. That was the hard thing about graduating from Harding Undergrad and that is the hard thing here.
From this point where people leave I would like to believe they will always be the same people they were when they left. Yet, the world does not revolve around me, and they will change they will grow, as will I. The next time I see them they will probably resemble the people I knew, and after that they will be different people who for moments I will recognize and talk about the old days. But that is the problem with whole people who change... they will be good ole days that we discuss, but they will have many more with many different friends. Whole people never stop racking up good ole days because not only are the old days good but often so is the present and such will be the future. Oh yes, times will be difficult but how long then will it be to be reminded that time makes those days not just old but also good. I look back on the days and months I stuggled and refer to them as good ole days, not beacuse I enjoyed them, but because of the benefits I reaped in relation to them.
My feeling are epitomized not only by these words (for words can only point to emotions) but also by the tune that carries them. In this song by Arlo Guthree there are many words that don't yet match my story in that time I rely on the music. The music then carries the emotion, but still just points to it, the emotion is within us. If you have ever been an avid reader of my blog and have never heard this song I recomend you use whatever MP3, I-tunes, buyable music site to download, because you will never understand unless you hear the song behind the words.
Last to Leave
By Arlo Guthrie
Lonely sunshine, days come easy,
Spend my time alone at rest,
And if I were the last to leave here,
Now would these roads be any less?
Oh, I'm the last to leave.
Now would these ribbon highway roads
Be less wonderful to me?
Why must I always be so slow?
Many friends come and go,
You know there's a lot of feelings that I've left behind,
And it's a lonely world, I know,
When your friends are hard to find.
But take the time, my memory fails,
And soak my eyes in the morning rain,
Like a sailor, sailing over Jordan,
On the road back home again.
Oh, I'm the last to leave.
Would these ribbon highway roads
Be less wonderful to me?
Why must I always be so slow?
God Bless, and God speed.
I am not very good at it, of course who is? I have a special goodbye I have to do today and I have been putting it off as long as I can. Mostly because I don't know what to say to the friend who has been here almost as long as I have and has helped carry me through many hard times. The thing that really sucks is that as much as I like to think that I will probably see them again it will never be what it is now again. That was the hard thing about graduating from Harding Undergrad and that is the hard thing here.
From this point where people leave I would like to believe they will always be the same people they were when they left. Yet, the world does not revolve around me, and they will change they will grow, as will I. The next time I see them they will probably resemble the people I knew, and after that they will be different people who for moments I will recognize and talk about the old days. But that is the problem with whole people who change... they will be good ole days that we discuss, but they will have many more with many different friends. Whole people never stop racking up good ole days because not only are the old days good but often so is the present and such will be the future. Oh yes, times will be difficult but how long then will it be to be reminded that time makes those days not just old but also good. I look back on the days and months I stuggled and refer to them as good ole days, not beacuse I enjoyed them, but because of the benefits I reaped in relation to them.
My feeling are epitomized not only by these words (for words can only point to emotions) but also by the tune that carries them. In this song by Arlo Guthree there are many words that don't yet match my story in that time I rely on the music. The music then carries the emotion, but still just points to it, the emotion is within us. If you have ever been an avid reader of my blog and have never heard this song I recomend you use whatever MP3, I-tunes, buyable music site to download, because you will never understand unless you hear the song behind the words.
Last to Leave
By Arlo Guthrie
Lonely sunshine, days come easy,
Spend my time alone at rest,
And if I were the last to leave here,
Now would these roads be any less?
Oh, I'm the last to leave.
Now would these ribbon highway roads
Be less wonderful to me?
Why must I always be so slow?
Many friends come and go,
You know there's a lot of feelings that I've left behind,
And it's a lonely world, I know,
When your friends are hard to find.
But take the time, my memory fails,
And soak my eyes in the morning rain,
Like a sailor, sailing over Jordan,
On the road back home again.
Oh, I'm the last to leave.
Would these ribbon highway roads
Be less wonderful to me?
Why must I always be so slow?
God Bless, and God speed.
Wednesday, May 10, 2006
What a long strange trip its been
I suppose it would be nice to put up some pics from Graduation but I just haven't gotten around to it yet. I have been very busy, oh btw I have a Masters of Divinity. I think I also had the loudest cheering section at graduation.
My Dad, Mom, bother, sister in law, and niece "Anna" came for the graduation. Anna didn't work well with Memphis weather first off so actually on the day of graduation she and her mother stayed at the hotel.
My parents left for home less than two hours ago, I was so glad they were here, I actually had tears in my eyes when they left. Maybe it is because I am more emotionally stable or because I have just grown up a bit, but I don't know if I would mind living in the same town as my parents any more. I used to try and stay as far away from my family as possible, but now... it took me forever to see how much they cared and continue to care about me.
I came here, to memphis four and a half years ago because I didn't feel that a Bible degree from Harding University undergraduate prepared me for anything. Now I am waiting to hear back from a place in town for a job. I felt that seminary prepared me better for ministry and introduced me to many more options. I don't regret the time I spent here and the money I had to borrow to do it. God moved me here. I had to be here, now I can go unto all the world
God Bless everyone who reads my stuff
Justin McCreary M.Div.
My Dad, Mom, bother, sister in law, and niece "Anna" came for the graduation. Anna didn't work well with Memphis weather first off so actually on the day of graduation she and her mother stayed at the hotel.
My parents left for home less than two hours ago, I was so glad they were here, I actually had tears in my eyes when they left. Maybe it is because I am more emotionally stable or because I have just grown up a bit, but I don't know if I would mind living in the same town as my parents any more. I used to try and stay as far away from my family as possible, but now... it took me forever to see how much they cared and continue to care about me.
I came here, to memphis four and a half years ago because I didn't feel that a Bible degree from Harding University undergraduate prepared me for anything. Now I am waiting to hear back from a place in town for a job. I felt that seminary prepared me better for ministry and introduced me to many more options. I don't regret the time I spent here and the money I had to borrow to do it. God moved me here. I had to be here, now I can go unto all the world
God Bless everyone who reads my stuff
Justin McCreary M.Div.
Monday, May 01, 2006
... and ...done!
You'll all be happy to know, I passed my Bible knowledge exam, it is this test we have to take to graduate seminary. It is basically this test that covers all the stuff seminary professors this we should know about the Bible.
And I turned in my last final yesterday, finished it the day before.
And Sunday morning at 1:00 AM to the song "so long farewell goodbye," by the Big Bad Voodoo Daddy, I finished editing my last research paper, "Alexander Campbell's View on Slavery during the Period of the Millennial Harbinger." Emailed it with a final Sunday afternoon.
I will graduate with my Masters of Divinity on Saturday!!!
Now if I just hear one more bit of news I will consider my life on track.
And I turned in my last final yesterday, finished it the day before.
And Sunday morning at 1:00 AM to the song "so long farewell goodbye," by the Big Bad Voodoo Daddy, I finished editing my last research paper, "Alexander Campbell's View on Slavery during the Period of the Millennial Harbinger." Emailed it with a final Sunday afternoon.
I will graduate with my Masters of Divinity on Saturday!!!
Now if I just hear one more bit of news I will consider my life on track.
Saturday, April 15, 2006
Knockdown Society
Last night, a buddy called me and said "hey Justin, you remember when you told me to tell you when Jimbo is playing in town?"
I said "Yes."
My buddy said, "He's playing tonight at Newby's."
I was like, "dude, I'm there."
What sucked about it was that I had gotten my wires crossed on another social engagement I thought was supposed to be the next day but it was that same night. I felt bad but I ended up going to see Jimbo, the venue was closer and it was music I really wanted to hear.
If you wonder who Jimbo Mathus is, he started a band many some years ago called "The Squirrel Nut Zippers," they are no longer together but they were amazing, so I have been wondering what his stuff was like now.
Jimbo has switched from the 20's and 30's style throwback swing to blues, which makes sense, because he moved to Clarksdale Mississippi (think Delta Blues). I couldn't stay the whole night, I had forgotten my earplugs so my ears were ringing and he didn't start twill 12:30 or 1:00 in the morning. The part of the show I saw kicked... well you know that part of the body that gets kicked when things are awesome.
So I walked away from the night in awe that I had met Jimbo Mathus.
I said "Yes."
My buddy said, "He's playing tonight at Newby's."
I was like, "dude, I'm there."
What sucked about it was that I had gotten my wires crossed on another social engagement I thought was supposed to be the next day but it was that same night. I felt bad but I ended up going to see Jimbo, the venue was closer and it was music I really wanted to hear.
If you wonder who Jimbo Mathus is, he started a band many some years ago called "The Squirrel Nut Zippers," they are no longer together but they were amazing, so I have been wondering what his stuff was like now.
Jimbo has switched from the 20's and 30's style throwback swing to blues, which makes sense, because he moved to Clarksdale Mississippi (think Delta Blues). I couldn't stay the whole night, I had forgotten my earplugs so my ears were ringing and he didn't start twill 12:30 or 1:00 in the morning. The part of the show I saw kicked... well you know that part of the body that gets kicked when things are awesome.
So I walked away from the night in awe that I had met Jimbo Mathus.
Wednesday, April 12, 2006
GI Jesus
I try not to often judge the military. For you to really understand my point on this take into account that I am a democrat and oppose voted the non-military direction in the last presidential election (does everyone understand my aloofness?) The reason I try to keep from making moral and ethical decisions on how and to what length a governement can defend iteself is because I don't think Jesus made that distinction with the military. I pull that from his interaction with the Roman centurian, I once heard a military chaplin say that Jesus redily helped a man who was an officer of a millitary that was occupying another country. Jesus' goal was not to comment on the for or against of the military in that instance.
THE PRIOR STATEMENT WAS NOT MY POINT JUST A PATH I HAD TO TAKE TO GET TO MY POINT. So for eveyrone who is on either side of why I am wrong just relax for a minute, I really want to talk about millitary chaplency.
I don't understand the millitary I don't have the stomach or the will to do the things enlisted and officers have to do, but that doesn't mean there isn't work that needs to be done there. On a very small level I might have an iota of understanding what a soldier goes through here or abroad, and those aren't situations I feel like I can minister to.
My friend Josh got swore in today as an officer in the Air Force, planning on going into service as a chaplin. I got to watch him take his oath. I was proud to be there, because I know Josh and understand that he is walking into a different world and am proud of him and all the men who choose to try and be instruments of calm in chaos. Something that always gets me about military chaplins is that they don't carry guns, yet they aren't affraid to step onto the battle field. God Bless and God speed.
Take into account all ye nay sayers before you respond about my either too conservative or libral view on the millitary, I am talking about chaplins, and I would take issue with anyone who has a problem with military chaplency.
Monday, April 10, 2006
The dead shall rise
Easter is a wonderful time. The flowers are blossoming the grass is turning green, even Jesus is rising from the dead. My faith tradition has never been that big into Easter, and with their anabaptist roots I understand why, but I am a big fan of Easter. To me it resembles hope, and it is set in the season of rebirth.
The most wonderful thing about this season, other than Jesus I mean come he is just a given, the reeses peanut butter egg. The funny thing is that the reeses peanut butter egg is better than normal reeses cups. I don't know how that works but it is fact, just like the three main facts about ninja's. So good tidings of comfort and joy comfort and joy, and have an egg, and if you want to send me an Easter gift that isn't money, reeses peanut butter eggs.
Saturday, April 01, 2006
Contra?
Anyone who reads my blog avidly knows that about six months ago I started swing dancing. I really enjoy swing, I dance every Wednesday night with a group in Memphis called the Redhotlindyhop, the webpage link is on my links section.
Last night I went to try Contra Dancing. I know what you are thinking:up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, b, a, b, a, select, start; but no not the video game the dance. I was cool, there was this band playing Celtic Music, and everyone got into two lines, and we danced. The style of the dance involves a caller, so there are do-si-do's, Promenade's, and swing's, I heard it once describes as barn dancing on crack. I think I agree, though I don't really know barn dancing nor have I ever done crack. After swing dancing my body is physically tired and sore, but after and during contra I am out of breath, so I figure that the contra dancing is more of an aerobic workout where the swing dancing works the muscles more, regardless it is one of those things where you have to accept that you are going to be covered in sweat and dancing with other people covered in sweat.
As I do more research I will post more on the history of contra, but if you are interested check out the memphis contra dancer's page.
Saturday, March 25, 2006
This is just a test, a vanity test
I am just curious about how many people check or read my blog. If you are reading this I would appriciate it if you left a responce, and said something really really rediculous.
Friday, March 17, 2006
St Patrick
In honor of the day, a word from the man himself:
"The Breast-plate of St. Patrick"
I arise today through a mighty strength, the invocation of the Trinity,
through belief in the Threeness,
through confession of the Oneness of the Creator of creation.
I arise today through the strength of Christ with His Baptism,
through the strength of His Crucifixion with His Burial
through the strength of His Resurrection with His Ascension,
through the strength of His descent for the Judgment of Doom.
I arise today through the strength of the love of Cherubim in obedience of Angels,
in the service of the Archangels,
in hope of resurrection to meet with reward,
in prayers of Patriarchs, in predictions of Prophets,
in preachings of Apostles,
in faiths of Confessors,
in innocence of Holy Virgins,
in deeds of righteous men.
I arise today, through the strength of Heaven:
light of Sun, brilliance of Moon, splendour of Fire, speed of Lightning, swiftness of Wind, depth of Sea, stability of Earth, firmness of Rock.
I arise today, through God's strength to pilot me:
God's might to uphold me,
God's wisdom to guide me,
God's eye to look before me,
God's ear to hear me,
God's word to speak for me,
God's hand to guard me,
God's way to lie before me,
God's shield to protect me,
God's host to secure me:against snares of devils, against temptations of vices,against inclinations of nature, against everyone who shall wish me ill, afar and anear, alone and in a crowd.
I summon today all these powers between me (and these evils):
against every cruel and merciless power that may oppose my body and my soul,
against incantations of false prophets,
against black laws of heathenry,
against false laws of heretics,
against craft of idolatry,against spells of women [any witch] and smiths and wizards,
against every knowledge that endangers man's body and soul.
Christ to protect me today against poison, against burning, against drowning, against wounding, so that there may come abundance of reward.
Christ with me, Christ before me, Christ behind me, Christ in me,
Christ beneath me, Christ above me, Christ on my right, Christ on my left,
Christ in breadth, Christ in length, Christ in height, Christ in the heart of every man who thinks of me,
Christ in the mouth of every man who speaks of me,
Christ in every eye that sees me,
Christ in every ear that hears me.
I arise today through a mighty strength, the invocation of the Trinity, through belief in the Threeness, through confession of the Oneness of the Creator of creation.
Salvation is of the Lord.
Salvation is of the Lord. Salvation is of Christ.
May Thy Salvation, O Lord, be ever with us
"The Breast-plate of St. Patrick"
I arise today through a mighty strength, the invocation of the Trinity,
through belief in the Threeness,
through confession of the Oneness of the Creator of creation.
I arise today through the strength of Christ with His Baptism,
through the strength of His Crucifixion with His Burial
through the strength of His Resurrection with His Ascension,
through the strength of His descent for the Judgment of Doom.
I arise today through the strength of the love of Cherubim in obedience of Angels,
in the service of the Archangels,
in hope of resurrection to meet with reward,
in prayers of Patriarchs, in predictions of Prophets,
in preachings of Apostles,
in faiths of Confessors,
in innocence of Holy Virgins,
in deeds of righteous men.
I arise today, through the strength of Heaven:
light of Sun, brilliance of Moon, splendour of Fire, speed of Lightning, swiftness of Wind, depth of Sea, stability of Earth, firmness of Rock.
I arise today, through God's strength to pilot me:
God's might to uphold me,
God's wisdom to guide me,
God's eye to look before me,
God's ear to hear me,
God's word to speak for me,
God's hand to guard me,
God's way to lie before me,
God's shield to protect me,
God's host to secure me:against snares of devils, against temptations of vices,against inclinations of nature, against everyone who shall wish me ill, afar and anear, alone and in a crowd.
I summon today all these powers between me (and these evils):
against every cruel and merciless power that may oppose my body and my soul,
against incantations of false prophets,
against black laws of heathenry,
against false laws of heretics,
against craft of idolatry,against spells of women [any witch] and smiths and wizards,
against every knowledge that endangers man's body and soul.
Christ to protect me today against poison, against burning, against drowning, against wounding, so that there may come abundance of reward.
Christ with me, Christ before me, Christ behind me, Christ in me,
Christ beneath me, Christ above me, Christ on my right, Christ on my left,
Christ in breadth, Christ in length, Christ in height, Christ in the heart of every man who thinks of me,
Christ in the mouth of every man who speaks of me,
Christ in every eye that sees me,
Christ in every ear that hears me.
I arise today through a mighty strength, the invocation of the Trinity, through belief in the Threeness, through confession of the Oneness of the Creator of creation.
Salvation is of the Lord.
Salvation is of the Lord. Salvation is of Christ.
May Thy Salvation, O Lord, be ever with us
Tuesday, March 14, 2006
Time for a breakdown
Hey hey hey, back again in full force (as long as full is half full, or half empty depending on how you look at it.
Last week man.. whew it was crazy, I hopped along for a ride from the reformation to the modern church. We studied Luther, Zwingli, Calvin, Schleiermacher, Barth, and many many more. It was like a greatest hits album of refomation history. It was exausting but on the bright side I got free coffee out of it all week, a fella brought some starbucks brew and we tosted every class with a "cup a joe" (though through parts of it I wish I had a "shot a jack" [oh no, did he just say that, I think he did, what is wrong with him]) Anyway it was a good class. The picture is from my favorite seat in class, the closest one to the door. In the picture you can see the back of Bobby Valentines head, the profile of John Pittman, and "bringin it" up front DR. Mark Powell.
Saturday evening after a week of class I went to my buddy Nick's wedding, it was cool man, he had cheesecake and all the punch came in moonshine bottles. So I have to say to Nick and Jessie, Heath and Rebecca, Mary and Mike... Congrats...
Sunday all my church brotha's and sista's rolled up inta my crib to for a sunday morning praise party (or church whatever you call it), it was a good time, John Pittman just came back from South Africa so he was talking about his trip and showing us slides, it was a good time.
Well not much humor today just keepin it real yo.
Monday, February 27, 2006
You know there is a lot about me ya'll probably don't know.
1. Did you know how funky I really am?
2. Can you believe I only wear a size 8 shoe
3. A stands for awesome and that is me
4. I made Rainbow Bright, I knew her back in her vigialante days when she was Crossbow Bright.
5. If you'll check your awesome radar I show up, where ever you are
6. I don't have six toes
7. Close only counts in horse shoes and handgredades.
8. If you look up awesome in the dictionary you find this picture.
Tuesday, February 21, 2006
Starbucks,
i like Starbucks, it is a good enviroment for me to study in teh afternoons, mostly because I don't stay well awake in the afternoons trying to study. I usually am so exhausted that if I try to study in the library after lunch I fall asleep. The morning is different, I do well in the library in the morning, but as the day goes on my mind wonders and is harder to keep on tract.
I was reading a book for my world evangelism class, the book is written by a guy called Heibert, who is an anthropologist. It is neat because he uses a lot of anthropological catagories. It was also really neat to be reading about these catagories while sitting in starbucks.
At this point I don't know if Starbucks is a coffee shop in the same sense as to what coffee shops were before Starbucks. I think Starbucks is Starbucks and coffee shops are coffee shops. I am also working from a very personal definition of what a coffee shop is. two years ago I loved this place in Midtown called the Republic. I love it no more because it is no more, the shop had pool tables art on teh walls which gave it this really cool atmosphere. Currently there is a place I go to like that in downtown Memphis called Qetzal. The thing is neither are Starbucks and Starbucks is like neither.
There are a few things Starbucks does well:
its not linear, there isn't as much consistancy within itself, the pictures are simple but very inconsistant
It has a small amout of area, people will cram themselves into tiny areas around tiny tables and feel completely at home to discuss very personal subjects, the noise of the people around actually drown out the conversations around them.
Drive throughs, I think these are very important drive throughs are where the rubber meets the road they can move a high volume of product without people having to take up space. People can then stop for coffee without stopping for coffee so they are not relegated to the coffee that has been on the warmer all day at Wendy's they can get their Grande half caff low fat vanilla latte.
Because of the lack of space people who want to hang out get very territorial when they come in, to get a table at Starbucks, one needs a marker. A marker can be a bag, a book, or a coat. Once this is put on the table, the table itself becomes taken. And most decent people will respect that.
I have never seen someone disregard a marker in Starbucks but I think it would be awesome to watch.
Starbucks is also a place where mulit generation white middle class and higher people all feel comfortable. There is no generational gap at Starbucks, from 15-70 people are comfortable sitting at a table no more than two feet away from another table. And most people at Starbucks tend to be respectful with regard to space, they take their allotted space if that is all they have and when more space is avalable will move their things if the space is needed for someone else.
Non-Starbucks coffee shops work with a different philosphy, Acedemics, Hippies, Musicians. Most of them are College age to early 30's. Starbucks generally has about four comfortable chairs, these places will be mostly old couches with sheets over them and other chairs of the coushined type. There are often bands playing and the walls are covered with complicated art work. There is generally more space created with a different feel. The Republic often had art on the walls by local costomers and Qetzel (as you might could tell from the name) sells South American clothing. They also roast all their own coffee on site. There used to be a place in Memphis called the Ugly Mug. That was a neet place because it was owned and operated by a church and all the workers were volunteer, it was considered a haven type ministry so cost was very low. But I also must note, that the Ugly Mug and the Republic are no longer around, they didn't make it.
I think High Point on Poplar and Perkins makes it because it has a drive through and funtions as a cheap Starbucks (not to be confused with the Christian High Point Coffee people).
I don't mind Starbucks though I am by no means a coffee shop purist, whatever serve the local coffee community best, but I would encourage people to look into coffee shops of the non-Starbucks variety, it is a different experience, and it is a different coffee.
I also wonder about this, why is there no Starbucks in North Memphis, Raleigh, Frayser. I have my opinions, what do you think?
i like Starbucks, it is a good enviroment for me to study in teh afternoons, mostly because I don't stay well awake in the afternoons trying to study. I usually am so exhausted that if I try to study in the library after lunch I fall asleep. The morning is different, I do well in the library in the morning, but as the day goes on my mind wonders and is harder to keep on tract.
I was reading a book for my world evangelism class, the book is written by a guy called Heibert, who is an anthropologist. It is neat because he uses a lot of anthropological catagories. It was also really neat to be reading about these catagories while sitting in starbucks.
At this point I don't know if Starbucks is a coffee shop in the same sense as to what coffee shops were before Starbucks. I think Starbucks is Starbucks and coffee shops are coffee shops. I am also working from a very personal definition of what a coffee shop is. two years ago I loved this place in Midtown called the Republic. I love it no more because it is no more, the shop had pool tables art on teh walls which gave it this really cool atmosphere. Currently there is a place I go to like that in downtown Memphis called Qetzal. The thing is neither are Starbucks and Starbucks is like neither.
There are a few things Starbucks does well:
its not linear, there isn't as much consistancy within itself, the pictures are simple but very inconsistant
It has a small amout of area, people will cram themselves into tiny areas around tiny tables and feel completely at home to discuss very personal subjects, the noise of the people around actually drown out the conversations around them.
Drive throughs, I think these are very important drive throughs are where the rubber meets the road they can move a high volume of product without people having to take up space. People can then stop for coffee without stopping for coffee so they are not relegated to the coffee that has been on the warmer all day at Wendy's they can get their Grande half caff low fat vanilla latte.
Because of the lack of space people who want to hang out get very territorial when they come in, to get a table at Starbucks, one needs a marker. A marker can be a bag, a book, or a coat. Once this is put on the table, the table itself becomes taken. And most decent people will respect that.
I have never seen someone disregard a marker in Starbucks but I think it would be awesome to watch.
Starbucks is also a place where mulit generation white middle class and higher people all feel comfortable. There is no generational gap at Starbucks, from 15-70 people are comfortable sitting at a table no more than two feet away from another table. And most people at Starbucks tend to be respectful with regard to space, they take their allotted space if that is all they have and when more space is avalable will move their things if the space is needed for someone else.
Non-Starbucks coffee shops work with a different philosphy, Acedemics, Hippies, Musicians. Most of them are College age to early 30's. Starbucks generally has about four comfortable chairs, these places will be mostly old couches with sheets over them and other chairs of the coushined type. There are often bands playing and the walls are covered with complicated art work. There is generally more space created with a different feel. The Republic often had art on the walls by local costomers and Qetzel (as you might could tell from the name) sells South American clothing. They also roast all their own coffee on site. There used to be a place in Memphis called the Ugly Mug. That was a neet place because it was owned and operated by a church and all the workers were volunteer, it was considered a haven type ministry so cost was very low. But I also must note, that the Ugly Mug and the Republic are no longer around, they didn't make it.
I think High Point on Poplar and Perkins makes it because it has a drive through and funtions as a cheap Starbucks (not to be confused with the Christian High Point Coffee people).
I don't mind Starbucks though I am by no means a coffee shop purist, whatever serve the local coffee community best, but I would encourage people to look into coffee shops of the non-Starbucks variety, it is a different experience, and it is a different coffee.
I also wonder about this, why is there no Starbucks in North Memphis, Raleigh, Frayser. I have my opinions, what do you think?
Monday, February 13, 2006
Did you know there was a "swing dancing" culture in Memphis, if you read my blog you should because I say it enough. Anyway one of my friends is in this Jazz Combo. Last night they were playing at this coffee shop called Qetzel. The band was awesome and it was only the second time that I had been to that coffee shop, the place rocks, it is pretty close to Sun Studio's on Union, the parking is in the back.
The dude I knew in the band and I (Paul) went to IHOP after the show, where he told me that he knew Jimbo Mathus. So I figure, that most of you don't know who Jimbo Mathus is. He is the dude who started the band "squirrel nut zippers." When I got into swing dancing I got ahold of two of their albums, Inevitable, and Perrenial Favorites. The albums were amazing. They don't take the modern route of swing bands like the Cherry Poppin Daddies and the Big Bad Voodoo Daddies, actually one guy I know described them well by saying, "their stuff is good to Charleston too." Though the band is no longer together I think they are worth checking out.
It is funny Paul and I got into this conversation because we were discussing the Robert Johnson and the crossroads. The story is actually a bastardization of two different people. There is a hoodoo story about a guy named Tommy Johnson who went to the crossroads a little before midnight. They told Tommy to take a guitar and a start playing whatever he was working on at the time. At midnight a man in black walks up to him, takes his guitar, tunes it, and shows him how to play it better.
The Robert Johnson version of this story is much more Faustian. Basically, based on many of his songs like the song crossroad:
I went down to the crossroad
fell down on my knees
I went down to the crossroad
fell down on my knees
Asked the lord above "Have mercy now
save poor Bob if you please"
Yeeooo, standin at the crossroad
tried to flag a ride
Though realistically the song is about needing a ride is has caused many to wonder.
There is this one though:
I gotta keep movin
I gotta keep movin...
Blues fallin down like hail
Blues fallin down like hail
And the days keeps on worryin me
theres a hellhound on my trail
then he sings...
You sprinkled hot foot powder mmmm
mmm around my door
all around my door
hot foot powder is a hoodoo (not voodoo) thing, it is more than just foot powder, the powder sprikled in a place where someone was going to walk often would cause bad luck.
There are a little more obsious points though
Early this mornin'
when you knocked upon my door
Early this mornin', ooh
when you knocked upon my door
And I said, "Hello, Satan,"
I believe it's time to go."
One webpage says this:
In southern black communities it was a well-known notion that one could go to the crossroads and sell one's soul to the devil. The concept dates back to African Folklore. The diety Esu was believed to be the guardian of the crossroads, and was an intermediate between gods and humans. When Christianity was brought to African Culture, these pagan gods were labeled as being similar to the devil. Hence, the concept that one could find the devil at a crossroad. In celtic tradition, the bodies of the unholy were buried outside of town near crossroads to preserve consecrated ground.
Anyway there are plenty of places you can check out the story of Robert or Tommy Johnson via google.
The dude I knew in the band and I (Paul) went to IHOP after the show, where he told me that he knew Jimbo Mathus. So I figure, that most of you don't know who Jimbo Mathus is. He is the dude who started the band "squirrel nut zippers." When I got into swing dancing I got ahold of two of their albums, Inevitable, and Perrenial Favorites. The albums were amazing. They don't take the modern route of swing bands like the Cherry Poppin Daddies and the Big Bad Voodoo Daddies, actually one guy I know described them well by saying, "their stuff is good to Charleston too." Though the band is no longer together I think they are worth checking out.
It is funny Paul and I got into this conversation because we were discussing the Robert Johnson and the crossroads. The story is actually a bastardization of two different people. There is a hoodoo story about a guy named Tommy Johnson who went to the crossroads a little before midnight. They told Tommy to take a guitar and a start playing whatever he was working on at the time. At midnight a man in black walks up to him, takes his guitar, tunes it, and shows him how to play it better.
The Robert Johnson version of this story is much more Faustian. Basically, based on many of his songs like the song crossroad:
I went down to the crossroad
fell down on my knees
I went down to the crossroad
fell down on my knees
Asked the lord above "Have mercy now
save poor Bob if you please"
Yeeooo, standin at the crossroad
tried to flag a ride
Though realistically the song is about needing a ride is has caused many to wonder.
There is this one though:
I gotta keep movin
I gotta keep movin...
Blues fallin down like hail
Blues fallin down like hail
And the days keeps on worryin me
theres a hellhound on my trail
then he sings...
You sprinkled hot foot powder mmmm
mmm around my door
all around my door
hot foot powder is a hoodoo (not voodoo) thing, it is more than just foot powder, the powder sprikled in a place where someone was going to walk often would cause bad luck.
There are a little more obsious points though
Early this mornin'
when you knocked upon my door
Early this mornin', ooh
when you knocked upon my door
And I said, "Hello, Satan,"
I believe it's time to go."
One webpage says this:
In southern black communities it was a well-known notion that one could go to the crossroads and sell one's soul to the devil. The concept dates back to African Folklore. The diety Esu was believed to be the guardian of the crossroads, and was an intermediate between gods and humans. When Christianity was brought to African Culture, these pagan gods were labeled as being similar to the devil. Hence, the concept that one could find the devil at a crossroad. In celtic tradition, the bodies of the unholy were buried outside of town near crossroads to preserve consecrated ground.
Anyway there are plenty of places you can check out the story of Robert or Tommy Johnson via google.
Thursday, February 09, 2006
You are James T. Kirk (Captain)
Click here to take the Star Trek Personality Test Saturday, January 28, 2006Interview with Bobby Garner
I sat down and talked with Bobby Garner in an exclusive interview about his lackadaisical blogging. And why he’s a selfish jerk. This is what he said.
J. Please state your full name for the record B. Robert Gordon Garner J. Please state half your name for the record B. Robgorgar J. Can I call you Bobby? B. Yes J. How about Bob? B. Um… Yes J. Can I call you Bob Turner? B. You could, but in the blogging community it probably isn’t prudent. J. What is your favorite Johnny Cash song? B. Johnny? J. You know the guy in the movie B. Is he a Christian artist because I only listen to Christian artists. We had a CD burning when I was blah blah blah blah* J. Yes I think so, he sang “were you there” B. That song really walks the line between Christian and non Christian values. Is that the Bahamah Me Rap Song guy? J. Yes. B. That one then. J. So let me get to my point, why have you forsaken the blogging world? B. I made a post modern deadline with myself? J. and who is this “myself?” B. I use the term loosely to describe my inner being, the one who feels, the one who tells me to urinate. J. eight what? B. I’m not hungry thanks. Moderns are so rigid with their calendar oriented deadlines. I feel that we need to have deadlines that encourage you to finish. Let me give you an example. I decided I wouldn’t shave until I had a sink installed in my bathroom, so I grew a beard and then installed the sink when it got itchy. So until I decided to stop J. crapping? B. Blogging, the defecation issue is my inspiration to meet my deadline. J. Well, lets change the subject B. Justin you look a little flushed J. well my toilet is hooked up, So, are you and Greg still talking? B. About what? J. Neo-restrooms. B. You mean Neo-restoration? Are we still talking about that that was so before Christmas aren’t we onto pseudo-restoration or post-post restoration? J. Um… I ask the questions here mister B. ok J. Did you ever get that Ipod cross? B. Apparently some mega church decided to blah blah blah blah*… until June. J. You mean June Carter Cash? B. Jimmy Carters wife got remarried? J. No the Bahama mama song guy B. Oh, what’s the question? J. When are you going to blog. B. I just have a lot going on inside, and until some of this stuff passes, I won’t be back on line or something. Every blogangelsist has to take a sabbatical from time to time J. Oh, that’s all I wanted to know, now stop calling me. *When I got too tired to type or thought he was full of crap I just ignored him. Sunday, January 22, 2006Sacrament
Being raised in the churches of Christ I have a weak understanding of sacramental theology. I suppose we have our sacraments, but they are distant kin of the sacraments of the high church. Avery Cardnal Dullas defines a sacrament as “a sign of grace,” then goes on in the next sentence to point out that it is a `full’ sign of grace (Models of Church 58). This flows from the definition given at the council of Trent “a visible form of invisible grace.” The sacrament itself is simply sign but because of the understanding of the sign it has the ability to intensify the thing that is being represented.”
Imagine fried chicken. Fried chicken tastes good, whether I smell the chicken before I get there or not it is going to taste good. However, if I smell the chicken while it is cooking, and I watch the chicken on the griddle my desire for the chicken increases. It is then even the scent of the chicken that gives it the most of its taste during the eating thereof. The chicken itself is good, but it is better when you can smell it. Such is grace, grace is good, but the meaning of grace personally intensifies when there is some icon to focus that from which the grace comes. The sacrament can be that icon. In Missions Class this weekend we were talking about fund raising. Fund raising is never fun, and I hate to do it for any reason. Asking for money from people does not make me feel good about myself, yes I understand that is my swelled pride. In Matthew 10: 9 Jesus is sending out the apostles telling them to take no extra clothes or money and stay with whoever will keep you. When someone keeps you, greet the house and let your peace fall on it. However, if they do not let you stay or support your needs remove your peace from the place. The story is told very similarly in Luke 10. In 3 John 5 Gaius is being told to take into his house as a friend those friends of others that are strangers to him as they will “become co-workers with the truth.” These three passages were pointed out to me together and they struck me to the core and immediately I thought of sacramental theology. The missionary staying in the home is called to bring a blessing to that home from God. The people in the home are called to be hospitable to the stranger as if he is a friend and therefore receives the blessing, though if they ignore it there is a reference to it being worse for them than Sodom and Gomorrah. In older tradition the Eucharist is more than a simple representation of the body and blood of Christ. As an outward symbol it is a sacrament, and intensifies our understanding of faith. The one delivering the Eucharist is providing for the congregation grace (not directly but in some way) as is the one delivering the blessing to the home in which they are imposing. Giving then can be viewed as a sacrament. Of course it has nothing to do with extra jewels in the crown as it does that a blessing from a man who struggles for the gospel has power to it. The missionary comes and blesses the home with words of blessing and with words of encouragement. Discussing how the church is going and what is new happening. When missionaries talk the hearers are blessed. That blessing is only possible in community. The church gets that blessing because of the combined support provided the missionary, and the home owner gets a double blessing because they get to keep the missionary for a night, so not only is their congregation blessed by encountering God’s work but so is the home. Take into account that a lot of these ideas come from Stan Granberg, the only major thing that come from me is the idea to think of this process as a sacrament. I would like to hear some feedback on my idea of giving as sacrament, especially in the context of missions. Wednesday, January 18, 2006 Birtday The title of this post goes back to a time a wonderful friend misspelled Birthday on a cake she made for me. That was a good Birtday memory, just like the one I am about to chronicle. I turned 27 today. I stayed up till 1:10 in the morning last night/early this morning to celebrate my birth time. I was actually born at 2:10 but that was Eastern Time and I am in Central. I can’t say that I don’t want a huge group of people to throw me a surprise party, I have always wanted one, one just for me, never had one just for me. But I suppose I have a few more years. What I did get to do was go out to eat with four people who mean the world to me. Jeremy Garmin, Justin Tedesko, and Paul and Julie McMullen. We went to the Macaroni Grill and I had chicken cannelloni. Paul and Julie got me this card that they thought would be funny. It was a Bat-Mitzvah card. I laughed really hard then explained that the word bat in Hebrew means daughter, and they were looking for a Bar-Mitzvah card. Then we all realized that the nature of the card explained why the envelope was shiny purple. It was a fun night. I really want thousands to scream happy birthday to me, that would be really nice and I would be proud. But the same way I would feel such a sense of loss that couldn’t be filled by the large group of middle to outer circle friends. It was a good day. Last night I wasn’t sure if I wanted to go to IHOP or Macaroni Grill. I chose the Grill because I dreamed last night that I was eating Italian on my birthday. It was a good enough reason for me. Friday, January 13, 2006
This is for anyone who thinks I am a heretic.
Wednesday, January 11, 2006 This is my mortar and pestle. I got it from the man to the right in the picture, my Uncle, he was a C of C preacher for a while, he died a few years back and slowly I have been scavenging things of his, some cause they look cool but all because they remind me of him. I graduate with a Masters of Divinity in May. A lot of people say, "wow you have been in school for a long time," and to them I reply, "well spiritual and emotional formation takes places slowly in some of us. Last night I was thinking about packing up and leaving school and got sad. I know school, I don't neccissarily do it well, but I know it. And knowing it and almost nothing else, I am very comfortable with school. There aren't many who live imediatly on campus that have been here longer than I. I have seen a lot of people come and go in the four years of my education, I have had three different roomates, and at least six different apartment mates. I am every day though feeling more though that my time is comming and soon I will leave this place that is a comfort to me, and set foot into something new. When you read tarot you can do a simple read of three cards, representing the past present and future. Currently I would view my present with the death card. The death card resembles change, a moving on, it actually has little to do with physical death. But this New Years I was thinking, I will be doing something completely different for New Years next year, I may not even be in Memphis, but I will be a diffrent person. That gives me both the feelings of sadness and hope.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
|