I remember an episode of MASH where the whole camp is looking forward to a Christmas celebration. The kids from the local orphanage are on their way and everyone is happy. Then tragety hits. One of their patients begins to drop blood pressure. All through the 25th they fight to keep him alive even though they know he won't make it in the long run, they know he is going to die. Over and over again they shock him, put him through CPR, why when they know it is pointless? Because he is a father and they don't want the kids to lose Christmas.
They finally lose him at 11:45 PM. The death certificate will still read TOD 11:45 12/25. What do they do? they push the minute hand on the clock 15 minutes ahead and fill out the death certificate.
I know this is fiction but it was what went through my mind this morning as I sat at a an emergency code. The man had been coding since 5:30 it was now 7:45. Thy stabalize him he is good for some time then he codes again, over and over. Why? Why not just let him die? The family is on the way. Six children comming from more than an hour away.
It is also the day after thanksgiving. What does this do to the holiday, what does this bode well for in giving thanks. At least it wasn't yesterday, no that would be horrible, because yesterday the wife was sitting in the Critical Care Wating Room, she slept there all night in her clothes. Hospitals don't close on Thanksgiving. I am on call the day after thanksgiving, why? because I want to go home for Christmas. Of course that is what I said about Labor Day.
What happens to family dynamics with death around the holidays? I was thinking about that as I stood in the room with the family this morning, and I thought of that episode of MASH, and I thought about the family racing to get here and the doctors and nurses working like mad to keep him alive. All I could do was stand there, a harbinger of death, and once it happened a reminder.
Happy Thanksgiving
3 comments:
A few years ago, my dad died the Sunday night before Christmas. But the ambulance guys didn't pronounce him dead, they did that at the hospital, on Monday. And we get this call in the middle of the night that he's in the hospital. They should have just told us he was already dead; my brother might have gotten us killed driving there to "say goodbye" or whatever. So we're there, and we don't know what to do. He's dead already, so do we just go home, or are we supposed to stay there all night waiting for someone to pick him up or what?
So someone finally tells us to just go home, that nothing else is going to happen until about eight in the morning.
After that we have to go to the funeral home and make the arrangements. We can't have the funeral that day, cause no one knows yet. And we can't have it Tuesday, that's too soon too. Wednesday is already booked solid, so it ended up being on Christmas eve.
So all these people are calling, and a bunch of them know, but some of them don't. Several people called to invite my recently retired dad to some holiday thing at the office or a co-worker's place. And that's how they found out, no, he can't come by for coffee, cause he's dead.
And then we had this funeral and half the people can't come because they're out of town already. There's all this food that the church people brought.
And then the next day is Christmas, and mom wanted us to go ahead and act like it's Christmas, or at least be at the house. We forgot to cancel the dinner we ordered before dad died, so there was more food than anyone knew what to do with. And then you wonder what to do about the presents. Some of them went back to the store okay. Some of the things were for mom and dad together, and we decided to save them for something else cause she wouldn't use them by herself.
It was all kind of weird, but somehow the next year was worse. Everything was this is the first Thanksgiving without Dad, this is the first Christmas without Dad, this is the first birthday without Dad....
Now, it's mostly okay.
I have wondered the same thing...whether or not the death of a loved one during a special holiday, would change that 'holiday' forever? I don't have any insight on that... I like your thoughts on this blog, Justin. Seems like you have really found a niche in your new job. -- Nicole
My mom died a about 2 weeks before Thanksgiving. It has not changed the holiday forever for us. I can't remember much about that first Turkeyday without her other than a confrontation with my step-father.
Actually, I was going to have you marry your brother and me on the day of her death, but there was no need in flying you home 2 weekends in a row, so we waited a weekend instead. I thought about changing a once sad date on the calendar into a happy one. She has been gone 10 years now and things have gotten better with time. But I still love Turkeyday and most of the time I forget what day she actually died on.
As Anna would say, Gobble Gobble and my pap says Gobble till you Wobble.
Bless those who lose their loved ones at any time of the year, especially during a holiday when family needs to be together.
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