Holy Holy Holy

Holy, holy, holy, Lord God Almighty! Early in the morning our song shall rise to Thee; Holy, holy, holy! Merciful and mighty! God in three persons, blessed Trinity!

Today in Chapel the guy who spoke to us told us about a guy named Heiber. An Anglican minister who won a poetry award as a child. He believed that praising God should be done appropriately and fully in the songs we sing. He wrote many songs that he seldom ever heard. His church never wanted to go the direction he did. They later asked him to go to India and he died there, the year that Holy Holy Holy was first published.

We sang that song today in chapel, the original version with the Trinitarian end. While singing in chapel I heard the voices of the angels around the throne singing Holy Holy Holy is the Lord God almighty. I felt the weight of God’s glory, and tears began to appear in my eyes.

I don’t completely know what it is about that song, I don’t know if it is the music that the song is sung to or the angelic words that are always associated to the throne of God. Holy Holy Holy…

What is and what should never be

When I have free time or when I am stressed or just emotionally bound up I find that doing crafts helps me center. It gives me a chance to invoke the creative part of my brain. Tonight I chose to make a new set of prayer beads. So I hopped in my car and went to Michael’s (it is a craft place) and on the way home saw a wreck at the top of Cherry Road keeping me from turning left. I ended up having to go through the light and find a parallel street to run south below cherry and cross over Rhoads. The first street I turned into was shaped like a U, it spit me right out back on Park so I had to pass the wreck again, this time slowing down to get a good look, and take a right on Fair Meadow, which spits me out right below the Grad school.

The story is not the important part of my post, what is important is what went through my mind, “Damn, this is going to slow me down.” Well you might raise a lot of questions, but it was simply the truth. Now I suppose different people will find different problems with that phrase, there is a problem with that phrase though you may not agree with me on it.

That phrase ignores the fact that the people in the wreck are human beings whose lives will be forever changed because of this incident. There were three cars in this wreck, and one of which was very thoroughly crushed against a light post. I wonder if the people in the wreck walked away?

It is easy to state simply that people need to be more careful drivers, but that doesn’t involve everyone in the accident most of the time, and even if it did, will this event effect their lives any less? I listen to the radio during rush hour, especially during the rain, because a lot of delays are from wrecks. I will listen to the radio then adjust my route if I can, if I cannot I sit in traffic complaining that “this must have happened because they knew I was coming, this must only happen when I take this road.”

By centralizing my importance in the world, being the sun around which it revolves, the people around me are constructed only for my service. Think of it this way. There is a world, not unlike the Truman show, where all the people are made in light of me. They function and act in one manner when I am around, and are non-existent when I am not. As a figment of one great mind that fears being alone, he has created a world around himself and a delusion that goes with it. The wreck then being a function of a higher brained individual who, if it is not me, for his fantasy to continue must have my schedule thrown off for some reason, and that is just not acceptable, so if it is you, stop it.

Then, there is the idea that there are a bunch of omnipotent beings watching me for study or laugh, somewhat like the movie Darkcity. This is a negative form of the reality.

Then there is the other option. Where the world doesn’t revolve around me, traffic is just traffic, and the people that got hurt in that accident are currently in a more difficult situation than me so I need to get over it. I have stopped traffic because of a wreck I caused, and the last thing I wanted to feel was embarrassment because people were pissed I wrecked their night. I am not the center of the world, so I seek to find my true size, so that I can associate with other mere mortals like myself.

To fry or not to fry

I went to the Shelby County Mid-south fair tonight. It was fun, I don’t do the ride thing much, not that I don’t like them but I mainly go for the food, and it is nice to be amongst the people when I get a chance to leave my ivory tower.

I love fairs, the food is always so great, and it is so difficult to make a decision, especially in Memphis Tennessee. Memphis has wonderful food, and the stuff I like the most isn’t the stuff that one eats if they are looking into living a long time. There were Brats, Italian Sausage, Corndogs, Ribs, Shoulder, Chicken on sticks, and I had a Gyro. They it was all right, the problem was that the cucumber sauce had too much sour cream in it. But the greatest thing about Memphis (of course there are probably other places too) is the propensity to deep-frying anything that tastes good. A few years ago they started deep frying Twinkies, then they figured, “hmm it worked with the Twinkies, lets do other things.” Tonight I chose (because more than one deep fried treat is like eating death in pancake batter) a deep friend Snicker bar. WOW, it was sort of weird when I started eating it, but by the time I was on my last bite, it had become indescribable.

As for the rest of Memphis and their food, there is always Topp’s Barbeque, Exlines Pizza, Barbeque shop, Corky’s, Huey’s, Memphis style hot wings, Memphis Pizza Café. Then there are all the places on Beale, on any weekend there is a blues concert on the corner. I have grown to really like Memphis the few years I have been here. There is a wonderfully eclectic nature to it. The best places don’t really exist anywhere else, and if they have turned into a chain, the best is always the first place it started. Like the Corky’s in East Memphis and the Huey’s in Midtown. Now to add to the list, Fried desserts at the fair.

Does God forgiive sins?

As a Christian forgiveness is a large part of my theology, from the beginning I understand that I live in a fallen world with a lot of situations that could work better. I accept that often I will sin and sometimes I will really sin. Some people say that there is no one sin that is greater than others, I disagree but that is ok those people are still fine and dandy. Now, often I don’t think the sins we think are the biggies God would call the biggies. For a lot of people, me included forgiveness is difficult. Growing up with a bootstrap mentality, I was raised to take care of myself to be self-sufficient. As a Christian I am not self-sufficient, the BEST I can do still requires the sacrificing of Jesus the Christ. I am fine and dandy with this for everyone else, no one is perfect, everyone will make mistakes, don’t be so hard on yourself, its progress not perfection, and the true glorification will be in heaven but, when it comes to me… there is no excuse. Forgiveness is a chore, now I know that there are some people out there who say, “I don’t have a hard time accepting that I am forgiven I love it, then I don’t have to worry about anything.” Well if a statement like that exists in your theology, this post is not for you. I do not begrudge you and in truth I someday hope to be like you but for right now, just smile and nod while you read.

I know many and have been one who sits in worship on Sunday morning, this Sunday morning in fact overburdened by my sin, waiting for a sign from God that tells me I am forgiven so that I can once again experience the joy of salvation, in that equating forgiveness and warm fuzzies. If I am not experiencing the warm fuzzyness of God then I must still be sitting unforgiven for my iniquities. I really can’t deal with God again until my guilt is lifted. Well, a little guilt is never a bad thing. There are two kinds, Paul tells us in the second correspondence to the Corinthians, of guilt that is. There is a godly guilt and a human guilt. One helps us to build character the other is the tails side of the coin flip of pride. Pride is then twofold, one the cocky son of a “what cha ma call
it” the other is the manure that the world revolves around. My life sucks so bad, you need to hear about it, over and over and over, I have no skillz, girls won’t like me if I’m myself, these things are all the second form of pride. It is that side of pride and the people that suffer from it that have a hard time accepting forgiveness, needing a sign, because in truth everything they have ever done is so someone will give them some attention whether it is positive or negative.

We then have a hard time without hearing that we are loved or forgiven believing it because we need to be told constantly, otherwise it feels like rejection, which in this belief is obviously because of the sin we commit.

But the problem is God doesn’t like to be made to serve the negative system. With the acceptance of Jesus Christ into our lives through our baptism, God’s wrath against us is appeased, and we are washed and made, as the song says it, white as snow. There is no work we can do there is nothing we can say to feel forgiven, to feel saved, there is faith that says we are saved.

Brother Lawrence was often quoted on forgiveness, “ When he sinned he confessed it to God with these words, ‘I can do nothing better without you. Please keep me from falling and correct the mistakes I make.’ After that he did not feel guilty about the sin (practice of the presence 15).”

“Brother Lawrence was aware of his sins and not at all surprised by them. ‘That is my nature,’ he would say, ‘The only thing I know how to do.’ He simply confessed his sins to God without pleading with him or making excuses. After this he was able to resume his regular activity of love and adoration. If brother Lawrence didn’t sin, he simply thanked God for it because only God’s grace could keep him from sinning (practice of the presence 16-17).”

Brother Lawrence must have been a wonderfully faithful individual because I don’t feel good unless I have pled, but then it is based off of my works, if my pleading is good enough God might forgive me.

Knowing forgiveness must be an old problem because it appears in liturgies, I was reading in the Book of Common Prayer:
“The Almighty and merciful Lord grant you Absolution and Remission of all your sins, true repentance, amendment of life, and the grace and consolation of his Holy Spirit. Amen. (Book of Common prayer, 1945, 24)

Absolution is important to a lot of people, I think God gives us the ability to be ministers of absolution, No, I don’t mean we forgive sins, but with faith we can declare sins forgiven. Then there is the other aspect of repentance, turning the other direction, walking a different way, a living amends… But I have already kept you long enough.

what do I have in stock for you?

My friend Jeremy and I like to throw parties. We are currently planning our party for Halloween, the theme will be, “Come join us at the Salem Witch trials. It should be a fun filled night. There will be all sorts of fun events, natural and unnatural. Anyway in prep for this party, a few weeks in advance, Jeremy an I built a set of stocks. It is a working set of stocks, we cut the holes a little bigger than they needed to be so no idiot gets stuck.

I am sure some of you are saying, “Justin you are in graduate school, when do you have time to build stocks?” to you I say I have had a very stressful week, and building stuff relaxes me… so get over it, or you can test my guitine later, I might even have a rack that you can go for a ride on (

I went for a sweat t

I went for a sweat this past weekend. I really get a lot out of them, this was my second. I might get tired of them later but for now I like em. Any way if you have never been to one I recommend finding some Native American friends and go, do it the old way, if all the people are white find another sweat.

The sweat this past weekend was in this small non-town in Mississippi, about twenty minutes south of Carthage, in Neshoba county, right at the end of the Choctaw reservation. There were five of us there for the sweat, it was small but still powerful. The guy who normally runs the sweat wasn’t there, he was ill so it was run by my friend Mac. The thing is it was one Native American and four white guys. I thought that was funny. I got to bless the fire, so I prayed with tobacco in hand sprinkled it on the fire then got down to light it, twenty minutes later after I had let Mac down to light it the fire started. When I found out that Mark and his nephew weren’t coming, the two who usually run the sweat, I volunteered to carry the rocks from the fire to the lodge. At first I was glad to give back, at second I was afraid I wasn’t going to be able to do the job. Imagine a fire with 40 volcanic rocks in it, I could feel the heat burning my stomach as I leaned over it with the pitchfork to get the rocks. After the first two rounds it wasn’t so bad. The fire died down and I got used to the quickest way to get the stones out of the fire. By the third round I still didn’t look professional but I got it done.
The downside of carrying the stones is that I have to leave the lodge between the rounds. If I spend the entire time in the lodge, the heat change even with the door open isn’t as drastic if you stay in the lodge. Going from 120 to 75 over and over again then standing over the hot fire is a little different. I was happy to serve though. Since I got to just soak up the sweat last time, I wanted to help.

The sweat runs in this way:
The fire is started a few hours before the sweat starts
We are covered with smoke from singed sage
We enter the lodge crawling
The door man brings in the first seven stone while everyone is quiet in respect for the grandfather stones.
The first round is prayer for oneself
The second round is for men to pray
The third round is for women to pray- They always joke that those are the hardest rounds because since women have to go through childbirth they can take a lot more heat than men.
The last round is the thank you round and all prayer in thanking God for the sweat and all his gifts, very often in this time I thank him a lot for water.

Anyway it is deeper than that but I would be surprised if anyone is still reading.

Growing up I had a specifc view of the use of the Rosary in Roman Catholocism, being from a restorationist heritage in a protestant country this is pretty normal. What I had always been told is "they just tell their sins to a priest and he tells em how many times to pray to Mary and forgives em of their sins." Anyone who has studied any form of Eastern or Western Orthodox/ Catholic faiths will see vaious mistakes in the statement. One of the things that is most annoying to me is the statement that the Catholics pray to Mary, this statement has a hint of truth in it, that being, Pray and Mary, but Mary is the intercessor not the means of salvation, nor is the Rosary the means of salvation.

I have been looking into the Catholic Rosary and the Orthodox prayer rope to see why. Because it seems to me that mantra style praying has benefits to it. One obvious benefit is the ability to still the heart, the second is to clear the mind. There is this book called the practice of the presense of God by a guy named brother Lawrence. Brother Lawrence talks about his life as a practice of the presense of God. He spent most of the minutes of his monk life in constant prayer, so this gave him a special perspective when he sat down for what we call "devotional times." Since he spent most of his day in intercessory prayer anyway when he sat down to commune with God he cleared his mind and simply dwelt in the presense of God. If someone wants to do this it is recomended they find a Mantra, something like the name of God or a calming word to focus on and clear the mind so that one can truley focus only on God. This takes a lot of work. What I have seen is that the Rosary helps with this.

When I would sit down to pray with no structure around me my mind would wander and I would find that I was hurrying out of prayer to get back to my day, so I wrote a simple prayer liturgy. It involved the statement of faith, the serenity prayer, the "our Father" and some prayers i have written all serving as introductory prayers to right my mind. Oh I also had the prayer of St Francis.

As of late I have discovered the Orthodox Jesus prayer, "Lord Jesus Christ son of God have mercy on me a sinner." One can pray this on a prayer rope or just over and over allowing the words to settle the spirit. Repetition is to lead the devout to three levels. The first level is simple recitation, and stays at this level for some time. The second level is where we begin to pray without distraction. The third level is a level of the heart, not only do we speak the prayer but it is proclaimed in our hearts. I have been told that this can lead to transfiguration, a change of the whole person. I remember hearing stories about the old monks who could feed dangerous animals without fear because the animals saw something within them, St Francis of Asisi for one.

The prayer bead pictures I have posted are called Anglican prayer beads, I chose them for my journey because they allow the prayer to assign the beads the way I choose, I do this because though I don't have theological issue with the hail Mary I am not comfortable with it because I think too much about my religious heritage. Regardless when I finish my prayers, which are always outloud though it might be a whisper, my eyes are closed and there is a peace that surrounds me. On one level if feels like I am in a different world, on another I have gone nowhere.

I want to make it clear that this doesn't mean that I don't freestyle prayer anymore, but I have found I am better focused on it after I have gone through my prayer beads.

I just got back from

I just got back from seeing “The Exorcism of Emily Rose.” I really enjoyed the movie. Sure there were little annoying things in it that frame it more like a horror film then I think it needed, like the loud noises all the time, obviously added to shock the tar out of the watchers.

The argument bears the phrase, “based on a true story,” remember that means based, and very loosely at that. The original name of the girl is Anneleise Michel. She died in 1976 at the age of 23 during an exorcism that took place in Germany. Her parents and priest were then tried and convicted for short terms in prison for negligence. Anneleise’ story is interesting, you can find it here
The article is called “What really happened to Emily Rose,” and I think it is a worthwhile read for people who want the original story.

I will not go into the movie, about what I liked and didn’t except to say I think it is worth seeing, I will however discuss the metaphysical realm. I listened to and am currently downloading the video of an Exorcism in a Russian Orthodox Church, I have dialup so this might take a while, but I think it might be worth it.

I ask myself why the movie scared me as much as it did, well one is that I have a thing about body contorting; this got me in the ring movies and the grudge. Though I think it is deeper than that. I don’t get scared that Freddy or Jason are coming after me, not even Michael Myers Andy, mainly because I know they are fiction and if they did come after me, my faith tells me that God is bigger than the boogy man. I am not above shaking a crucifix or saying things like “in the name of Jesus get movin,” I say that because whether one believes in an active metaphysical realm or not none will argue it is best to go to God when you are scared. The thing about this realm is, my bible study has lead me to believe in the metaphysical realm. Ephesians is full of interesting phrases like, ruler of the air, battle in the heavenlies, prince and principalities, and on and on and on. Ephesus was the center of worship for Artemis, and other interestingly magical things. Then I take a look at books like, The Scewtape Letters and listening to stories from African missionaries that I trust who swear to demonic exorcisms. This movie gets me because it is not completely out of my opinion on the matter, to me there is rational thought to this. The Bible gives some great names, Devil, Satan, Belial, Beelzebub, Rahiv, Tehom, and some would say there aren’t references far from Tiamat, there is also Behemut and Leviathan. There are princes of the air, there are demons, named Legion. These demons knew Jesus, and had the power to disrupt lives.

But still our modern mind says, “this is just their understanding of epilepsy,” that makes it easy on us to dismiss. Then, who is Jesus fighting in the heavenlies? I am not saying that I think all cases of epilepsy or other psychological issues are demonic possessions, but I must have an opened mind. There is sickness of the body and sickness of the mind so why not the soul? I go back and forth on traditional understandings of the devil, but what do I think of the demonic. We are so quick to take Biblical things, and find a scientific working for them, why? I think it makes it easier on our post enlightenment mind. What would happen if we found out that we were susceptible to not just demonic temptation but to possession. What happens if the war we are in is more than just learning to not be ashamed of Christ in the workplace, or evangelizing the broken soul. What if Hell isn’t the only bad thing that can happen to us? These things make people uncomfortable. I don’t have answers, I have opinions, and there is a good chance I will never post any of them here or even tell you why I have them, my struggle is not to be made an internet story.

When preachers preach about demon possession they ask us about our demons, greed, malice, resentment, pride? They might even go down the list of the seven deadlies and have at it, but is that the limit of the text? What if, the Bible isn’t talking about epilepsy or turrets? What if it is talking about actual demons that want to possess us? That makes me very uncomfortable.

Now lets take it one more step. What if we do consider the seven deadlies as the fruits of demons in some way possessing us, what does that say for spiritual warfare, and what does that say about Grace? I am tired now Goodnght.

One of the first places that I was introduced to in Memphis was Gibson's donuts. After 11:00 the donuts go six for a dollar, and generally they are the donuts that had been cooked a few hours earlier, so they are still in good shape. Well, I have been to Gibson's enough that the woman who works the weekend late shift knows me because of all the time I have spent there. Tonight I was being rung up and was 25 cents short because I bought a large chocolate milk, I asked my friend Jeremy for a quarter and the woman just looked at me and said "like I wouldn't cut you slack for 25 cents." That warmed my heart, see, they have let me get the discount thirty minutes early if no one was around. Sometimes they have given me the discount up to an hour early, and not just the workers, but one of the higher ups has done that for me.
Well tonight I was sitting in there with some friends and one of the cooks came out, pointed at me, and called me to the back. I had never been to the kitchen so I was nervous, then, he gave me a tray of old fashion donuts right out of the oven/greese. STILL HOT!!! I have always considered Gibsons one of my favorite places in Memphis, now they are moving up past Tops Barbeque, and Memphis style hot wings on James and Rangeline. To the people at Gibson's Donuts, YOU ROCK.

One of those days...

I so commonly label days. This was a good day, this was a bad day. I have a history of days that are either good or bad, when in truth they should be neither good or bad. Why do I choose to call one whole day good because of certain events that make my head go into the clouds, or a day that is completely bad because there were some parts of it that I would rather never think of again.

I fight the urge to live in the poles. To make one thing all good or all bad, to make one side all right and one side all wrong. If I end my day with a bad taste in my mouth does that mean my day was bad, if I begin my day with the same bad taste that dissipates middway through does that mean my day was good?

Today was a day, that began badly and ended fine. A day that began isolated and ended connected. But it wasn't a good day nor was it a bad day. It was a day with good things in it and bad things in it, but far from black and white. It isn't even that there is a lot of gray, it is more like there is a lot of red and blue.

I art weary... I will enjoy sleeping, I am looking forward to it.

I wish to you joy and happiness
but above all things, I wish to you
love...

I was at CiCi's Pizza tonight with some friends. I was in a pretty good mood. I was having fun. Having fun is very important in life. Fun comes around in many different ways. The thing is it doesn't have to be complicated. For the longest time I chose to live in the darkest of places, knew the world was pretty messed up, so I figured who cares anymore, and found that I enjoyed the dark place of self loathing. In the last three years I have begun to enjoy life. Life on its terms, God's terms however that is. There is a lot of sweet and sour to that.

People who know me know my sense of humor is a little, what one might call, off. It hasn't changed and I am not sure it will. For some reason I like to find the humor of life, with the full belief God had a sense of humor, and I can prove it, look at the girraffe, and the zebra. I mean come on, stripes?

Anyway I as at CiCi's and I wanted the cheesy breadsticks. So I walked to the front, and there was one crusty ol cheesy bread stick. Then I looked and saw the man behind the counter bringing a full tray from right out the cooker. I said to the man "you read my mind, How did you know I wanted cheesy breadsticks?" then I shook my plate at him and in a voice above my inside voice but not yelling I said "GET OUT OF MY MIND" got my cheesy breadsticks and sat down. It was all worth the look he gave me.

To us and our good fortune
be happy be healthy long life
and if our good fortune never comes
here's to whatever comes
drink LaChaim
To life!!!!

Music to Dance to

“He had always been a dancer, my old professor. The music didn’t matter. Rock and roll, big band, the blues. He loved them all. He would close his eyes and with a blissful smile begin to move to his own sense of rhythm. It wasn’t always pretty. But then, he didn’t worry about a partner. Morrie danced by himself.

-Tuesday’s with Morrie

When no one is around, when it is just me, and everyone else is off doing important things I turn on music and I dance. For anyone who knows me this seem odd, but it has been consistent my whole life. As a child I played air guitar to Metalica and Led Zepplin, singing in the mirror with the door closed so no one can see.

I was listening to Beck earlier, actually Beck remixes. Beck is great himself but when you add a techno beat behind him… wow. I was listening while writing a paper. I finished my paper, and put in the soundtrack to Fiddler on Roof. Once Tradition came on, I began to dance… it makes me happy, what can I say?

To Life!!!

I went to meet Katrina victims today. There is a church in town in my fellowship that has been, and will continue to feed refugees until either they all leave or they cannot at all. I talked to one guy, 80 years old. He was a great guy at one point he started to tear up, I held his hand. I know that sounds very tuesday's with Morrie, but he wasn't affraid of physical contact. While sitting at the table he would brush my hand. He talked about his anniversery in a few days, 60 years, he and I talked about plumming, he was a plummer for 30 some odd years after getting out of the Navy.

With other guys when I didn't know what to talk about I asked them how to make Gumbo. I have never tried to make gumbo and am thinking of trying. I can't start learning to Barbeque yet because I don't want to buy a smoker until I find somewhere more permanant. The basics of making things like these generally aren't difficult, but it is the minutia that makes them award winning.

it was very difficult for me though, do you bring it up or not bring it up, do you ask if their house is up or down. What do you do if they don't respond well at all. In a counseling setting it is different because there is a reason they are there, however in this setting I am approaching them, someone they never met, to support them.

On another note, a friend and I were talking about why they name hurricanes. I think it is because it is easier to hate something we anthropomorphize. We can't hate nature, but we can be angry at mother nature. We can't hate a hurricane because it doesn't care, unless we think of it as a person. If we think of it as a person, it isn't just about the wind and the rain, it is what Katrina did to us. It is Katrina's fault people are out of work, it is Katrina's fault gas prices are up. And also if we blaim Katrina we don't have to blaim God.

What do you think? anyone who may read? why do we Anthropomorphize (give unhuman things human traits, like names, or like saying it sees us comming) things like this? We could I dentify them with letters or numbers. But we give them names. Do you think it goes all the way back to the ancient near east where if you name something you have power over it?

God Bless all the people working in relief, and if your not and you can be, I hope God inflicts you with trials that force you to need your fellow human.

Hot hot! I am Curry Flavoured. I have a spicy personality. If you can take the heat, you'll love me, if not, I'll probably make you cry. I am not for the faint-hearted. What Flavour Are You?

There are a lot of people out there that think you shouldn't get tied up into TV shows, especially ones about vampyres and such. I know some people who will just read non-fiction because they feel like they would be wasting time otherwise. To those people I say, this post is not for you you might as well ignore it.

However if anyone else in my readership ever enjoyed watching Buffy or Angel I would really like to hear your response to this.

At the end of Buffy, and throughout the middle and beginning there was some joy. There was a high school girl who made it to dances and fought evil. There was that time when people where dying that she left and became a waitress to get over her pain. During the last season when she had the affair with Spike, which I thought was cool, she struggled with people, but at least it had a happy ending. The hellmouth is closed and the world has a gaggle of fully loaded slayers.

So I have seen Angel all the way to the end, then I started watching it from the beginning. Angel is very dark. Angel the once evilist vampyre in the world, is a good guy BUT he will never find forgivness. I can deal with that to a point, however, the whole thing with Jasmine was just strange. Conner hating the world, hating his father, Cordelia the mother of an evil thing that doesn't necissarily seem so evil. Angel does what he needs to do then there is a mass case of depression for the world until the dark knight makes a deal with the evil empire.
Lets look at Wesley, hardcore killer, sex machine, in love with a woman who will never love him. Ever set to watch her, then then then... of all things... she gets taken over buy some goddess thing that eradicates who she was. And Wesley the ultimate martyr hangs out with her anyway. In some strange way they end up loving each other, which we only know because of her anger at his death.

Now lets talk about the end... no closure. at all. And come to think of it, did Wesley kill Gunn?
Where Buffy had joy Angel had only suffering. Who knows... I might be misunderstanding, but, I feel bad after episodes of Angel, and it doesn't seem to ever get any better.

What do you guys think?

There is a hurricane going on right now. What I think about that is easy, what I don't know if I agree with is the media coverage. I watch a lot of the Daily show and they talk about fear mongering for ratings.

I honestly don't know. Is the media doing something beyond simple reporting. Is it important for news casters to be in the middle of the storm. Are reporters showing off that they are standing in the path of the storm? or is the bias different?

Well, I spent the weekend at home

I talked to my granparets a lot about their grandparents. My mother showed me a picture of a woman called little Grandma. Her maiden name was Martin her married name O'dell, she was born in 1840. This really lit my fire. My great uncle was the family historian, he died two years ago and I feel like I want to pick up the torch. I spent the last night I was home looking at the information stored in his computer and was amazed. He followed a line back to Little Grandma's parents. John Martin is the grand patriarch so far. Popular name heh, even appears a few times in Virginia's history. I am from West Virginia and had forgotten we were part of Virginia before the civil war so my father had to point out that of course he would be from Virginia, West Virginia wasn't a state yet. I am assuming his birth somewhere around 1805-1810.

The fun part however was tracing the Morris side instead of the O'dell/Martin side. I went on the internet to google and found the exact people I was looking for, I had found someone who did the work for me. The furthest back I found was in Weztel Country Virginia (Now WV) 1716. My uncle has over 600 names in the family tree.

I gather the old Bibles of my family members that pass on. I read my grandmother Wear's bible while I was home. My imediate grandmother had put an inscription in the front for me. I can't remember it exactly but it followed something like this.

"Vernice Wear was the mother of Mildred Martha Wear Isiminger Cater, the mother of John Edward Isaminger, the father of Brenda L McCreary, the Mother of Justin McCreary."

Grandma Wear recieved the Bible in 1940.

My great grandmother Cater, her daughter was born on January 18, 1907. If you check my profile you will see that is my birthday in 1979. All this was information I new, the part I hadn't seen before Was my grandmother Cater's Baptismal certificate that dated to November of 1979. She was born the same day as me 72 years earlier, but was born into Christ the same year I was born into life.

I added my niece Annalynn's name to the registry... the youngest of our kin, she has a wonderful ancestry that goes back a long way. I am glad to be a part of it.

A friend of mine was driving to West Virginia today so I thought I would tag along. Mainly because my roots are in West Virginia. It is weird because my parents moved to Ohio, which i think is a step down but what can you do. I was itting in my mother's parlor chatting with her, and the dog I grew up with was sitting at my feet. It was such a natural feeling when I came home, my dog beau came to me, and I spent some time with him, mom used to call him her boy now she refers t him as Old Man. I grew up with animals in the house. I remember having two dogs and three birds growing up.

I have two birds, as I have said before, and I had to find a bird sitter for the weekend. I was feeling anxious last night because someone else was in charge of them. I suppose some separation anxiety. I enjoy having the animals around. It is neet to sit in a meeting at my apartment with Abraham (the male) on my shoulder. Sarah (The female) doesn't like to sit as well. I love having animals around... it makes places feel like... home...

Biblical Theology: Quote of the Day

I often wonder what to post about on this blog, sometimes because nothing is going on, sometimes because I don't want to be like every other blogger who wants his own personal forum on the web even though I want one. I mean who doesn't want their own forum, their own place where, like yertle the turtle king of salama-sod, the ruler of all they survey. I have been reading a lot of blogs, and I enjoy doing it, I like to see differerent perspectives, though more importantly I want to get in my say. When it comes down to it, I really want people to know what i think about whatever. And sometimes, sometimes I just want certain people to know what is going on in my life.

I suppose in the end it is important to accept that in some way I desire community, it is important to me that people know me. It is important that whoever I choose to be, people know me... not a stereotype from my chosen religion, not a stereotype of race or whatever... And maybe this is just one more way for me to ask for community.