Growing up I had a specifc view of the use of the Rosary in Roman Catholocism, being from a restorationist heritage in a protestant country this is pretty normal. What I had always been told is "they just tell their sins to a priest and he tells em how many times to pray to Mary and forgives em of their sins." Anyone who has studied any form of Eastern or Western Orthodox/ Catholic faiths will see vaious mistakes in the statement. One of the things that is most annoying to me is the statement that the Catholics pray to Mary, this statement has a hint of truth in it, that being, Pray and Mary, but Mary is the intercessor not the means of salvation, nor is the Rosary the means of salvation.

I have been looking into the Catholic Rosary and the Orthodox prayer rope to see why. Because it seems to me that mantra style praying has benefits to it. One obvious benefit is the ability to still the heart, the second is to clear the mind. There is this book called the practice of the presense of God by a guy named brother Lawrence. Brother Lawrence talks about his life as a practice of the presense of God. He spent most of the minutes of his monk life in constant prayer, so this gave him a special perspective when he sat down for what we call "devotional times." Since he spent most of his day in intercessory prayer anyway when he sat down to commune with God he cleared his mind and simply dwelt in the presense of God. If someone wants to do this it is recomended they find a Mantra, something like the name of God or a calming word to focus on and clear the mind so that one can truley focus only on God. This takes a lot of work. What I have seen is that the Rosary helps with this.

When I would sit down to pray with no structure around me my mind would wander and I would find that I was hurrying out of prayer to get back to my day, so I wrote a simple prayer liturgy. It involved the statement of faith, the serenity prayer, the "our Father" and some prayers i have written all serving as introductory prayers to right my mind. Oh I also had the prayer of St Francis.

As of late I have discovered the Orthodox Jesus prayer, "Lord Jesus Christ son of God have mercy on me a sinner." One can pray this on a prayer rope or just over and over allowing the words to settle the spirit. Repetition is to lead the devout to three levels. The first level is simple recitation, and stays at this level for some time. The second level is where we begin to pray without distraction. The third level is a level of the heart, not only do we speak the prayer but it is proclaimed in our hearts. I have been told that this can lead to transfiguration, a change of the whole person. I remember hearing stories about the old monks who could feed dangerous animals without fear because the animals saw something within them, St Francis of Asisi for one.

The prayer bead pictures I have posted are called Anglican prayer beads, I chose them for my journey because they allow the prayer to assign the beads the way I choose, I do this because though I don't have theological issue with the hail Mary I am not comfortable with it because I think too much about my religious heritage. Regardless when I finish my prayers, which are always outloud though it might be a whisper, my eyes are closed and there is a peace that surrounds me. On one level if feels like I am in a different world, on another I have gone nowhere.

I want to make it clear that this doesn't mean that I don't freestyle prayer anymore, but I have found I am better focused on it after I have gone through my prayer beads.

I just got back from

I just got back from seeing “The Exorcism of Emily Rose.” I really enjoyed the movie. Sure there were little annoying things in it that frame it more like a horror film then I think it needed, like the loud noises all the time, obviously added to shock the tar out of the watchers.

The argument bears the phrase, “based on a true story,” remember that means based, and very loosely at that. The original name of the girl is Anneleise Michel. She died in 1976 at the age of 23 during an exorcism that took place in Germany. Her parents and priest were then tried and convicted for short terms in prison for negligence. Anneleise’ story is interesting, you can find it here
The article is called “What really happened to Emily Rose,” and I think it is a worthwhile read for people who want the original story.

I will not go into the movie, about what I liked and didn’t except to say I think it is worth seeing, I will however discuss the metaphysical realm. I listened to and am currently downloading the video of an Exorcism in a Russian Orthodox Church, I have dialup so this might take a while, but I think it might be worth it.

I ask myself why the movie scared me as much as it did, well one is that I have a thing about body contorting; this got me in the ring movies and the grudge. Though I think it is deeper than that. I don’t get scared that Freddy or Jason are coming after me, not even Michael Myers Andy, mainly because I know they are fiction and if they did come after me, my faith tells me that God is bigger than the boogy man. I am not above shaking a crucifix or saying things like “in the name of Jesus get movin,” I say that because whether one believes in an active metaphysical realm or not none will argue it is best to go to God when you are scared. The thing about this realm is, my bible study has lead me to believe in the metaphysical realm. Ephesians is full of interesting phrases like, ruler of the air, battle in the heavenlies, prince and principalities, and on and on and on. Ephesus was the center of worship for Artemis, and other interestingly magical things. Then I take a look at books like, The Scewtape Letters and listening to stories from African missionaries that I trust who swear to demonic exorcisms. This movie gets me because it is not completely out of my opinion on the matter, to me there is rational thought to this. The Bible gives some great names, Devil, Satan, Belial, Beelzebub, Rahiv, Tehom, and some would say there aren’t references far from Tiamat, there is also Behemut and Leviathan. There are princes of the air, there are demons, named Legion. These demons knew Jesus, and had the power to disrupt lives.

But still our modern mind says, “this is just their understanding of epilepsy,” that makes it easy on us to dismiss. Then, who is Jesus fighting in the heavenlies? I am not saying that I think all cases of epilepsy or other psychological issues are demonic possessions, but I must have an opened mind. There is sickness of the body and sickness of the mind so why not the soul? I go back and forth on traditional understandings of the devil, but what do I think of the demonic. We are so quick to take Biblical things, and find a scientific working for them, why? I think it makes it easier on our post enlightenment mind. What would happen if we found out that we were susceptible to not just demonic temptation but to possession. What happens if the war we are in is more than just learning to not be ashamed of Christ in the workplace, or evangelizing the broken soul. What if Hell isn’t the only bad thing that can happen to us? These things make people uncomfortable. I don’t have answers, I have opinions, and there is a good chance I will never post any of them here or even tell you why I have them, my struggle is not to be made an internet story.

When preachers preach about demon possession they ask us about our demons, greed, malice, resentment, pride? They might even go down the list of the seven deadlies and have at it, but is that the limit of the text? What if, the Bible isn’t talking about epilepsy or turrets? What if it is talking about actual demons that want to possess us? That makes me very uncomfortable.

Now lets take it one more step. What if we do consider the seven deadlies as the fruits of demons in some way possessing us, what does that say for spiritual warfare, and what does that say about Grace? I am tired now Goodnght.

One of the first places that I was introduced to in Memphis was Gibson's donuts. After 11:00 the donuts go six for a dollar, and generally they are the donuts that had been cooked a few hours earlier, so they are still in good shape. Well, I have been to Gibson's enough that the woman who works the weekend late shift knows me because of all the time I have spent there. Tonight I was being rung up and was 25 cents short because I bought a large chocolate milk, I asked my friend Jeremy for a quarter and the woman just looked at me and said "like I wouldn't cut you slack for 25 cents." That warmed my heart, see, they have let me get the discount thirty minutes early if no one was around. Sometimes they have given me the discount up to an hour early, and not just the workers, but one of the higher ups has done that for me.
Well tonight I was sitting in there with some friends and one of the cooks came out, pointed at me, and called me to the back. I had never been to the kitchen so I was nervous, then, he gave me a tray of old fashion donuts right out of the oven/greese. STILL HOT!!! I have always considered Gibsons one of my favorite places in Memphis, now they are moving up past Tops Barbeque, and Memphis style hot wings on James and Rangeline. To the people at Gibson's Donuts, YOU ROCK.

One of those days...

I so commonly label days. This was a good day, this was a bad day. I have a history of days that are either good or bad, when in truth they should be neither good or bad. Why do I choose to call one whole day good because of certain events that make my head go into the clouds, or a day that is completely bad because there were some parts of it that I would rather never think of again.

I fight the urge to live in the poles. To make one thing all good or all bad, to make one side all right and one side all wrong. If I end my day with a bad taste in my mouth does that mean my day was bad, if I begin my day with the same bad taste that dissipates middway through does that mean my day was good?

Today was a day, that began badly and ended fine. A day that began isolated and ended connected. But it wasn't a good day nor was it a bad day. It was a day with good things in it and bad things in it, but far from black and white. It isn't even that there is a lot of gray, it is more like there is a lot of red and blue.

I art weary... I will enjoy sleeping, I am looking forward to it.

I wish to you joy and happiness
but above all things, I wish to you
love...

I was at CiCi's Pizza tonight with some friends. I was in a pretty good mood. I was having fun. Having fun is very important in life. Fun comes around in many different ways. The thing is it doesn't have to be complicated. For the longest time I chose to live in the darkest of places, knew the world was pretty messed up, so I figured who cares anymore, and found that I enjoyed the dark place of self loathing. In the last three years I have begun to enjoy life. Life on its terms, God's terms however that is. There is a lot of sweet and sour to that.

People who know me know my sense of humor is a little, what one might call, off. It hasn't changed and I am not sure it will. For some reason I like to find the humor of life, with the full belief God had a sense of humor, and I can prove it, look at the girraffe, and the zebra. I mean come on, stripes?

Anyway I as at CiCi's and I wanted the cheesy breadsticks. So I walked to the front, and there was one crusty ol cheesy bread stick. Then I looked and saw the man behind the counter bringing a full tray from right out the cooker. I said to the man "you read my mind, How did you know I wanted cheesy breadsticks?" then I shook my plate at him and in a voice above my inside voice but not yelling I said "GET OUT OF MY MIND" got my cheesy breadsticks and sat down. It was all worth the look he gave me.

To us and our good fortune
be happy be healthy long life
and if our good fortune never comes
here's to whatever comes
drink LaChaim
To life!!!!

Music to Dance to

“He had always been a dancer, my old professor. The music didn’t matter. Rock and roll, big band, the blues. He loved them all. He would close his eyes and with a blissful smile begin to move to his own sense of rhythm. It wasn’t always pretty. But then, he didn’t worry about a partner. Morrie danced by himself.

-Tuesday’s with Morrie

When no one is around, when it is just me, and everyone else is off doing important things I turn on music and I dance. For anyone who knows me this seem odd, but it has been consistent my whole life. As a child I played air guitar to Metalica and Led Zepplin, singing in the mirror with the door closed so no one can see.

I was listening to Beck earlier, actually Beck remixes. Beck is great himself but when you add a techno beat behind him… wow. I was listening while writing a paper. I finished my paper, and put in the soundtrack to Fiddler on Roof. Once Tradition came on, I began to dance… it makes me happy, what can I say?

To Life!!!

I went to meet Katrina victims today. There is a church in town in my fellowship that has been, and will continue to feed refugees until either they all leave or they cannot at all. I talked to one guy, 80 years old. He was a great guy at one point he started to tear up, I held his hand. I know that sounds very tuesday's with Morrie, but he wasn't affraid of physical contact. While sitting at the table he would brush my hand. He talked about his anniversery in a few days, 60 years, he and I talked about plumming, he was a plummer for 30 some odd years after getting out of the Navy.

With other guys when I didn't know what to talk about I asked them how to make Gumbo. I have never tried to make gumbo and am thinking of trying. I can't start learning to Barbeque yet because I don't want to buy a smoker until I find somewhere more permanant. The basics of making things like these generally aren't difficult, but it is the minutia that makes them award winning.

it was very difficult for me though, do you bring it up or not bring it up, do you ask if their house is up or down. What do you do if they don't respond well at all. In a counseling setting it is different because there is a reason they are there, however in this setting I am approaching them, someone they never met, to support them.

On another note, a friend and I were talking about why they name hurricanes. I think it is because it is easier to hate something we anthropomorphize. We can't hate nature, but we can be angry at mother nature. We can't hate a hurricane because it doesn't care, unless we think of it as a person. If we think of it as a person, it isn't just about the wind and the rain, it is what Katrina did to us. It is Katrina's fault people are out of work, it is Katrina's fault gas prices are up. And also if we blaim Katrina we don't have to blaim God.

What do you think? anyone who may read? why do we Anthropomorphize (give unhuman things human traits, like names, or like saying it sees us comming) things like this? We could I dentify them with letters or numbers. But we give them names. Do you think it goes all the way back to the ancient near east where if you name something you have power over it?

God Bless all the people working in relief, and if your not and you can be, I hope God inflicts you with trials that force you to need your fellow human.

Hot hot! I am Curry Flavoured. I have a spicy personality. If you can take the heat, you'll love me, if not, I'll probably make you cry. I am not for the faint-hearted. What Flavour Are You?

There are a lot of people out there that think you shouldn't get tied up into TV shows, especially ones about vampyres and such. I know some people who will just read non-fiction because they feel like they would be wasting time otherwise. To those people I say, this post is not for you you might as well ignore it.

However if anyone else in my readership ever enjoyed watching Buffy or Angel I would really like to hear your response to this.

At the end of Buffy, and throughout the middle and beginning there was some joy. There was a high school girl who made it to dances and fought evil. There was that time when people where dying that she left and became a waitress to get over her pain. During the last season when she had the affair with Spike, which I thought was cool, she struggled with people, but at least it had a happy ending. The hellmouth is closed and the world has a gaggle of fully loaded slayers.

So I have seen Angel all the way to the end, then I started watching it from the beginning. Angel is very dark. Angel the once evilist vampyre in the world, is a good guy BUT he will never find forgivness. I can deal with that to a point, however, the whole thing with Jasmine was just strange. Conner hating the world, hating his father, Cordelia the mother of an evil thing that doesn't necissarily seem so evil. Angel does what he needs to do then there is a mass case of depression for the world until the dark knight makes a deal with the evil empire.
Lets look at Wesley, hardcore killer, sex machine, in love with a woman who will never love him. Ever set to watch her, then then then... of all things... she gets taken over buy some goddess thing that eradicates who she was. And Wesley the ultimate martyr hangs out with her anyway. In some strange way they end up loving each other, which we only know because of her anger at his death.

Now lets talk about the end... no closure. at all. And come to think of it, did Wesley kill Gunn?
Where Buffy had joy Angel had only suffering. Who knows... I might be misunderstanding, but, I feel bad after episodes of Angel, and it doesn't seem to ever get any better.

What do you guys think?

There is a hurricane going on right now. What I think about that is easy, what I don't know if I agree with is the media coverage. I watch a lot of the Daily show and they talk about fear mongering for ratings.

I honestly don't know. Is the media doing something beyond simple reporting. Is it important for news casters to be in the middle of the storm. Are reporters showing off that they are standing in the path of the storm? or is the bias different?

Well, I spent the weekend at home

I talked to my granparets a lot about their grandparents. My mother showed me a picture of a woman called little Grandma. Her maiden name was Martin her married name O'dell, she was born in 1840. This really lit my fire. My great uncle was the family historian, he died two years ago and I feel like I want to pick up the torch. I spent the last night I was home looking at the information stored in his computer and was amazed. He followed a line back to Little Grandma's parents. John Martin is the grand patriarch so far. Popular name heh, even appears a few times in Virginia's history. I am from West Virginia and had forgotten we were part of Virginia before the civil war so my father had to point out that of course he would be from Virginia, West Virginia wasn't a state yet. I am assuming his birth somewhere around 1805-1810.

The fun part however was tracing the Morris side instead of the O'dell/Martin side. I went on the internet to google and found the exact people I was looking for, I had found someone who did the work for me. The furthest back I found was in Weztel Country Virginia (Now WV) 1716. My uncle has over 600 names in the family tree.

I gather the old Bibles of my family members that pass on. I read my grandmother Wear's bible while I was home. My imediate grandmother had put an inscription in the front for me. I can't remember it exactly but it followed something like this.

"Vernice Wear was the mother of Mildred Martha Wear Isiminger Cater, the mother of John Edward Isaminger, the father of Brenda L McCreary, the Mother of Justin McCreary."

Grandma Wear recieved the Bible in 1940.

My great grandmother Cater, her daughter was born on January 18, 1907. If you check my profile you will see that is my birthday in 1979. All this was information I new, the part I hadn't seen before Was my grandmother Cater's Baptismal certificate that dated to November of 1979. She was born the same day as me 72 years earlier, but was born into Christ the same year I was born into life.

I added my niece Annalynn's name to the registry... the youngest of our kin, she has a wonderful ancestry that goes back a long way. I am glad to be a part of it.

A friend of mine was driving to West Virginia today so I thought I would tag along. Mainly because my roots are in West Virginia. It is weird because my parents moved to Ohio, which i think is a step down but what can you do. I was itting in my mother's parlor chatting with her, and the dog I grew up with was sitting at my feet. It was such a natural feeling when I came home, my dog beau came to me, and I spent some time with him, mom used to call him her boy now she refers t him as Old Man. I grew up with animals in the house. I remember having two dogs and three birds growing up.

I have two birds, as I have said before, and I had to find a bird sitter for the weekend. I was feeling anxious last night because someone else was in charge of them. I suppose some separation anxiety. I enjoy having the animals around. It is neet to sit in a meeting at my apartment with Abraham (the male) on my shoulder. Sarah (The female) doesn't like to sit as well. I love having animals around... it makes places feel like... home...

Biblical Theology: Quote of the Day

I often wonder what to post about on this blog, sometimes because nothing is going on, sometimes because I don't want to be like every other blogger who wants his own personal forum on the web even though I want one. I mean who doesn't want their own forum, their own place where, like yertle the turtle king of salama-sod, the ruler of all they survey. I have been reading a lot of blogs, and I enjoy doing it, I like to see differerent perspectives, though more importantly I want to get in my say. When it comes down to it, I really want people to know what i think about whatever. And sometimes, sometimes I just want certain people to know what is going on in my life.

I suppose in the end it is important to accept that in some way I desire community, it is important to me that people know me. It is important that whoever I choose to be, people know me... not a stereotype from my chosen religion, not a stereotype of race or whatever... And maybe this is just one more way for me to ask for community.

Stella

I remember as a teenager there was this show called “The State.” It is by far my favorite sketch comedy show EVER!!!! It is a shame that it never got picked up, I will never forget Barry and Levon, Doug, Larry the guy with the catchphrase, or those crazy Sea Monkeys. As of current a new show came on comedy central called “Stella,” staring Michael Ian Black, Michael Showalter, and David Waine. All three members of the state (there are also the state people on Reno 911 but I just don’t think that show is as good).

I personally think “Stella,” is one of the dumbest things I have ever seen, but I look forward to every episode of it. Tonight they are growing crops in their floorboards, and it has been so stupid I can’t help but watch, over and over again. Have you ever seen a show like that? It is so weird because I don’t think the show is a train wreck, it is just ridiculous. Wonderfully ridiculous.

I am trying something new

I am trying something new, there is an add on for MS Word where I can type in word and publish directly to my blog, so here I go.

Yesterday we threw a little party at HUGSR. I am a member of the student government of the school. So I get to help plan these official happenings. I was in charge of food. It has been fun learning to cook the last few years, and cooking for over a hundred is always fun. I started cooking a little after 2:00 and worked in prep until about 9. That was exciting because I came directly from church. After that I met a wonderful friend for some coffee. I was exhausted at the end of the night. It was very tiring but very rewarding. I love to work in the background.

It is time for a new school year to start. I am excited about that. I have known school all my life and I am comfortable with it. Being out for the summer I realized that I crave structure. I had way too much time where I didn't have to do anything over the summer. At first I thought, I won't have a big summer it will be great chillin with people and just kickin it. In reality most of my friends left town or found internships for the summer. Most of my friends weren't here. I look forward to the school year starting for the acedemics of it as well. I have three classes this semester, at the seminary level of grad school that is what is considered normal.

I have also watched many friends leave for good this summer. My roomate of three years moved to Texas by way of Rwanda, one who is very dear to my heart moved to Kansas, another got married, and for the single buddies of the guy that is like him moving away. Four incredibly close people left this summer for good, but I know with each leaving God will fill that void, sometimes with people, and the more I am ready, with his essence/presense. Sometimes I would wonder, what is the point of taking the time to build relationships if everyone is just going ot leave. Then I realize how self centered that is. Pour me pour me pour me a drink right? I have chosen the life of a vagabond therefore while I am in that life I should be reminded that many will come and go, but what I learn and cherish of those relationships makes it worth it. Some people will walk with me longer than others... some run by and say hello, some stop and stay for a while... shoot, I might even find one day someone who is in for the long hall. But until then... I will live, I was reading in a Kempis today that Humans need two things: food, and light. The food is that of the Eucharist, or the body of Christ. The second a Kempis refered to as the light is the Bible... Food and Light... every sunday, every day... always communion

I am currently listening to a Grateful Dead song called ripple, it carries a feel of a slow movement, and renewal.

Ripple in still water
When there is no pebble tossed
Nor wind to blow
Reach out your hand if your cup be empty
If your cup is full may it be again
Let it be known there is a fountain
That was not made by the hands of men

I was sitting in Wendy's today. I have eaten out a lot, mostly because i haven't gone to the store. Today I was hungry and in need of getting out of the house so I grabbed my journal and a good book and went. Wendy's isn't normally a place one goes to write in a journal, starbucks is more like the place for that. I was writing about what it means to be where I am in life. I am not elder, I am not child, I am adult... yes I am... It took me a while to want to be an adult.

I realize how important it is for the younger to learn from the older. I am blessed to have two mentors, one in ministry one in spirituality. There is so much wisdom that if just passed down would aid so well. Sure, we youthful folk need to make mistakes and mess things up for ourselves, but it is good to have a helpful hand reach into the big pile of crap that I just fell into and help me out. Sometimes I would get frustrated preaching at my old church in West Virginia because I was always told how good I did and that I would be a good preacher some day, and having graduated college and being at least halfway through seminary I was thinking, am I not a preacher now? Can you not hear my words as helpful instead of me being the little kid who gets up and has to be told he did great just because he didn't run out of the pulpit crying (my own words)? Well of course they look at me that way, they have listened to me preach from 12. They watched me grow up, what does a college, or even post college young Adult know about life?

I understand now how lucky I am to have men some twice my age some more some less that can help guide me. The Bible always talks about how the youth should relate to the elders. I don't think Elder is just a position in the church for servant leadership, i think it refers to the people who have gone before me, and can guide me. Of course I think I can learn from them and teach them in dialogue, I believe I do have something as a man in my mid 20's to offer.

Of course that means there is a whole generation below me who can learn from my experience. And people below me I can learn from. It is a neat little circle. For the longest time I didn't like "the man" telling me what to do, what does he know about me. Having been in the position where I am "the man," it makes more sense now.

eharmony boasts its 29 dimentions of matchability. I wonder if they have really tried to understand the consequences of their actions. For instance, since they have gone up to the 29th dimension they must have dealt with the fourth dimension which we know of as time. So what if I am to go to eharmony, and find out that Joan of Ark, who has also joined eharmony is the best match. Sure that is great for Joan and me but what about all the history that takes place between us. What happens to Europe if they lose Joan of Ark, or worse what happens to midevil Europe if they need to learn to deal with me, in all my post libral greatness. The hitchikers guide to the galaxy warns us of the dagers of time travel, and we have all seen back to the future, what happens when evil biff steals the time machine and changes the past. I think we must all ban together to make sure eharmony knows that their consequences will not just harm them but, will also destroy us.

Also, I posted a neat pic of my parrotlet Sarah

Today was a very warm day. It is quarter after ten I have missed "Stella," and I have a headache. The apartment carpet was cleaned today. Wow, that was exciting. I was thinking earlier today, "I have something really good to blog about," and now I am so tired I can't remember.

Later