Birtday

The title of this post goes back to a time a wonderful friend misspelled Birthday on a cake she made for me. That was a good Birtday memory, just like the one I am about to chronicle.

I turned 27 today. I stayed up till 1:10 in the morning last night/early this morning to celebrate my birth time. I was actually born at 2:10 but that was Eastern Time and I am in Central.

I can’t say that I don’t want a huge group of people to throw me a surprise party, I have always wanted one, one just for me, never had one just for me. But I suppose I have a few more years.

What I did get to do was go out to eat with four people who mean the world to me. Jeremy Garmin, Justin Tedesko, and Paul and Julie McMullen. We went to the Macaroni Grill and I had chicken cannelloni. Paul and Julie got me this card that they thought would be funny. It was a Bat-Mitzvah card. I laughed really hard then explained that the word bat in Hebrew means daughter, and they were looking for a Bar-Mitzvah card. Then we all realized that the nature of the card explained why the envelope was shiny purple. It was a fun night. I really want thousands to scream happy birthday to me, that would be really nice and I would be proud. But the same way I would feel such a sense of loss that couldn’t be filled by the large group of middle to outer circle friends. It was a good day. Last night I wasn’t sure if I wanted to go to IHOP or Macaroni Grill. I chose the Grill because I dreamed last night that I was eating Italian on my birthday. It was a good enough reason for me.

This is for anyone who thinks I am a heretic.

You scored as Chalcedon compliant. You are Chalcedon compliant. Congratulations, you're not a heretic. You believe that Jesus is truly God and truly man and like us in every respect, apart from sin. Officially approved in 451. Chalcedon compliant 83% Pelagianism 75% Apollanarian 50% Monophysitism 50% Nestorianism 33% Monarchianism 25% Modalism 25% Donatism 17% Adoptionist 0% Arianism 0% Gnosticism 0% Albigensianism 0% Socinianism 0% Docetism 0% Are you a heretic? created with QuizFarm.com

This is my mortar and pestle. I got it from the man to the right in the picture, my Uncle, he was a C of C preacher for a while, he died a few years back and slowly I have been scavenging things of his, some cause they look cool but all because they remind me of him.
I graduate with a Masters of Divinity in May. A lot of people say, "wow you have been in school for a long time," and to them I reply, "well spiritual and emotional formation takes places slowly in some of us.
Last night I was thinking about packing up and leaving school and got sad. I know school, I don't neccissarily do it well, but I know it. And knowing it and almost nothing else, I am very comfortable with school. There aren't many who live imediatly on campus that have been here longer than I. I have seen a lot of people come and go in the four years of my education, I have had three different roomates, and at least six different apartment mates. I am every day though feeling more though that my time is comming and soon I will leave this place that is a comfort to me, and set foot into something new.
When you read tarot you can do a simple read of three cards, representing the past present and future. Currently I would view my present with the death card. The death card resembles change, a moving on, it actually has little to do with physical death. But this New Years I was thinking, I will be doing something completely different for New Years next year, I may not even be in Memphis, but I will be a diffrent person. That gives me both the feelings of sadness and hope.

You are not alone
Paul tells this story in to the people in Corinth were this fella gets drawn up into the third heaven and is given a thorn in the flesh. Sounds like a pious guy because he begs God to remove the thorn three times, and all three times God says no. The purpose of the thorn we find is to keep him from becoming conceited. If I were to stop the story there, I don’t think I would care to know much of this God. But being as conceited as I am I read on. God says to the fella, my grace is sufficient, my power is made perfect in weakness.

Paul then chooses to boast in his weakness. Weakness is not often something I choose to boast in. In all honesty I wake up every morning in fear of no measuring up. It is a comfort to me that Paul boasted in his weakness. Ok, so maybe it isn’t so bad to admit I can’t do everything, or even simply the things I commit to. God teaches me to rely on the community of faith.

• Step one: We admitted we were powerless over whatever
• Step two: Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity
• Step three: Made a decision to turn our will and lives over to the care of God as we understood him

I think one is a good example of the other. God never meant us to do anything alone.

The twelve steps have been adapted to more than alcohol and drugs, to gambling, to eating disorder, over eating, uncontrolled emotion, toxic sexuality, toxic sin. I am a firm believer in the Bible and in the 12 steps.

If you need help, no matter the malady remember that YOU ARE NOT ALONE. God never meant us to live outside of community or to work outside of it.
Alcohol
Drugs
Food or here
Gambling
Relationships
Nicotine
Cosufferers

You are not alone

reflections at 3:00

Currently Listening: Queen A Night at the Opera
Date: January 2. 2006
Time: 3:00 AM

I can’t sleep, thus has been the case the last few nights… I’m okay with that, I don’t have a lot going on currently. I think I am just in a little rest time… It is a new year and it is three in the morning…

Last year at this time I was still cleaning up after this huge New Years party I had thrown with my partner in crime Jeremy Garmen, that party was second in greatness only to my Halloween Murder Mystery Witch Hunt.

I enjoyed 2005. I grew a lot in that year and found places I still need to grow. I dropped some vices picked up a few… you know… give and take. I spent this New Years with my friends Paul and Julie. I like those two. We prayed for each other around 11 on the 31st then they were tuckered out so I went home, I prayed from 11:45 to midnight with my rosary. Set my alarm to go off at Midnight, then filled my pipe and smoked amongst the firecrackers of the new year.

I remember a few years ago… well more than a few I guess, After a shot of Whisky I counted down the New Years and stood in the middle of the street in West Liberty West Virginia (It is a small country town with a small country college) I stood there waiting. Waiting for the plains to fall, the computers to crash, and WWIII to start. None of those things happened surprisingly. I remember being filled with this feeling of smallness, standing on that road… it was pretty dead there… a small college town I am sure many others had drank much more than my one shot of whisky, and were going no where… it is the kind of place you can hear a car come a mile away. I was in college at that time I guess.

It is now the year of our Lord 2006, 2002 years since the birth of our lord and 1, 969 years since he was put to death, as the HGTTG puts its, “for telling people it would be great if they just started being nice to one another.” (if the numbers don’t seem to add up ignore it I am going with the birth of Christ at 4 BC)

What is to come in the next year? I have my opinions others have theirs. What do you think? Is this the year the aliens will make contact publicly? Is this the year Christ returns? Is this the year people realize that no one likes it and no one thinks its funny? I just know my stomach feels empty, I think I will have some chocolate milk… mm mm does a body good.

Hello all, it is Christmas has been Christmas and will be Christmas again. There are ghosts some of the past, present, and future that forever will come and go and stay and leave.
Big stuff for me on Christmas:

Christmas vs Holiday?
well would you prefer Christ's mass or Holy day? pick one and get on with it either way you are getting words with a lot of baggage.

Family:
I love my family, I am staying with my brother and sister-in-law tonight, My niece was excited to see me which was shocking to me because she sees me maybe twice a year and she is less than two so there weren't very many chances for her to see me, so my brother and sister-in-law have put a picture of she and I on the background of their deskstop so she knows "Jushin" so I am fine being "Jushin" because she recognized me as soon as she saw me. I was so happy. She was sitting with her father in the balcony at church today, and I heard her scream from the balcony (because I was the one who carried her up there) "Jushin". A tear then rolled down my face.

I got my mothers car stuck on a downhill slope in snow. I was comming back from midnight mass and forgot that West Virginia (atually in this case Ohio) hills at night in the snow are hard to navigate.

Mass was great though, to be able to spend the first hour of Christmas in worship... that is wonderfull.

I have many other things to say but this is just my merry Christ's Mass post.

For all of you who ever check out my links, because you think I am so wonderfully awesome and you want to know and like the things I know and like (don't deny it, especially you, and yes I am talking to you) I have added a new link to a place called Red Hot Lindy Hop.

I know what you are asking, what is the "Lindy Hop?" that is a very good Question. It is a dance that was created in Harlem in the 1920's and 30's. Now the term is used to define an entire family of dance. The basics of the Lindy is that it derived from the Charleston and later a simpler version called the East Coast Six-Step was derrived from it.

Regardless of its past, the dance style is wonderfully fun, and since I have been swing dancing I have had to cinch the belt down a good bit tighter, and who would argue with that.

For my dedicated readers in Memphis, especially those who are looking for something to do, I recomend you check it out. I know what your saying, "Justin, isn't the Lindy Hop supposed to be a fast and difficult dance?" and that is a good question. My answer to that is yes, but they start off teaching the East Coast and Charleston. For all of you who knew me in Spring Sing years ago you might be saying, "But Justin I couldn't hang with your smooth moves in Spring Sing, how would I do it on the dance floor?" The simple answer to that is, you don't have to. Look, I know you won't be as good as I am, but we all have to start somewhere don't we, and the beginning is a good place to start.

For all of you who know me better and can see through my quips and whatnot I want to say that I have been dancing now for over two months, and believe it or not I really enjoy it. So if you are looking for a new hobby to get into, or want to interact with new people, people probably a good bit different than you, in a good way, you know they are good in all the ways you are bad :) c'mon and dance with me... Even if you are saying things like, "I have no internal Rhythm," I would say you won't know till you try it.

So to the three of you who read my blog, c'mon I think you'll like it.

if you read this, if your eyes are passing over this right now, (even if we don't speak often) please post a comment with a COMPLETELY MADE UP AND FICTIONAL memory of you and me. It can be anything you want – good or bad – BUT IT HAS TO BE FAKE. When you're finished, post this little paragraph on your blog and be surprised (or mortified) about what people DON'T ACTUALLY remember about you

I pulled this from hillarygayle's livejournal. I don't care if you post it on your blog but i think it can be intersting, espcially with all the things I have actually done.

Backpacking in Blaze Orange

Backpacking in Blaze Orange

Thanksgiving, flying home for Thanksgiving can be expensive if you also have to fly home for Christmas two weeks later, so I went backpacking instead. Thanksgiving can be a big day for hunters I guess, I really wouldn’t know I have never been hunting but my buddy had and recommended we Backpack in blaze orange just incase we get mistaken for an oversized 8 point.

We went to Land Between the Lakes and hiked about 17 miles of the Fort Henry Trail, about two and a half years ago I did the whole 26 miles with some other friends so I knew the trail well enough.

On the first day we hiked 11 miles, which is which, for me, is huge. I felt like I had really accomplished something as we sat later in the campsite. We went farther because there wasn’t water where I thought there would be, where there was two and a half years earlier, it had dried up or was simply drainage. Anyway there was no water, so we hiked a mile and a half farther than was the plan. The last mile and a half was on a ridge called the Devils Backbone. It isn’t as bad as it sounds it was actually pretty easy there are a few cool sections where is looks like we were hiking over a stegosaurus.

Anyway, we finally found water and set up camp. We then counted our miles and sat around the campfire I ate mac and cheese. It was getting cooler and cooler so I dawned my wool poncho on top of all the thermal and fleece stuff I was already wearing. Fell asleep around 8 in my 20 degree bag, woke up around 3 and put on more clothes because the temperature dropped like a rock off a giants bald spot. Around 4 woke up and decided to leave the tent for a second, went to unzip the outer zipper and found it had frozen. So I worked with it for a while because I really really desired to get out of the tent as quickly as possible. Finally got out stood straight up and the cold air felt like a brick against the forehead. So I took a tiny walk and returned to the tent, and my sleeping bag had never been so wonderful, so warm, and my mat so comfortable and I slept well till 7.

Woke up, my buddy made coffee, I don’t like strong coffee generally but it was hot and I was freezing. We took down camp, I left a stone as a witness that we had been there and we hiked out of the camp at the base of the Devil’s Backbone. We found out then from some hunters that at Land Between the Lakes offers dear hunting two days a year to like 1000 people. And those two days come the day after we leave, Saturday and Sunday.

So six miles later my buddy and I were in pain but finished. It was a great trip, and the greatest thing is that I finished. It feels so good to do because I am not incredibly athletic and have to work very hard at being healthy, I really feel good about completing goals that I set that have to do with my health. I exceeded my desires by going two miles longer than I thought and 11 miles on the first day. The second day I felt good (good means pretty sore in the legs but able to move), and I finished what I started.

When I need to I can divide my motivation in two. My body tells me that I can’t make it and it hurts too much, my head tells my body it will die if it doesn’t kick into survival mode.

What is Joy, knowing that my reserve can be stronger than my flesh.

Dancing the night away

Yesterday was an annual Associated women of Harding event in Memphis, called the “Pie auction.” It is a fund raiser for something or another, I went last year it was pretty exciting I ate a lot of pie and chili. There is a small expectation for me to go because I am part of the Student Association at Harding Grad school. This year when it came about and they said, “are you going to the pie auction?” I had to reply with, “no I already had plans.” In which they reply, “Oh, what are you doing?” and to that I respond, “Going dancing.”

People often tell me I need to exercise, the problem with exercise is that unless there is a specific goal, like, currently I am training to go backpacking so I do some stuff every day, but if there is no tangible goal then there is no motivation to me. In December I will begin my regiment of running again so I can run a 5K in March. So people tell me, “find a sport you like.” Problem is, the sport they are always talking about is Basketball, or Racket Ball, or Mountain Biking (which I don’t have the equipment for). It always shocked me that I currently have friends who go play at an undisclosed location in Memphis every Tuesday night for a few hours just because they like it, I went once hated it. Some guys love it so much they go to the “precinct.” They put up a dozen basketball courts by the police precinct, or at least one of them. They play during the summer and warm enough months all night and all day without stop. There would be games going on at 2:00 in the morning some nights. My buddy Andy (in Searcy) used to go play “pick up” games, and I just never understood. Of course I never understood because I don’t really care of it.

So I danced for three and a half hours on Saturday night. I have written before that I have gotten into swing dancing. I absolutely love it. I am getting good enough to actually enjoy it without having to think too much about it. I spent the entire night doing one kind of dance, it just so happened I could throw in enough natural spins and tuck turns to shake it up. The “New Memphis Hep Cats” played the dance there were probably 100 people there, some were ballroom type folks, I don’t have a problem with them, but I ran into them often enough (. I actually danced until my legs began to hurt and I was completely out of breath. I was drinking enough water to swim in and sweating like… hmm need a good simile… like all the men in my family sweat, of course no reason to be self conscience because everyone else if they don’t currently, will sweat heavily if they dance a lot.

Anyway this is a long post to tell you how much I have really enjoyed this, I found a type of exercise that really jives with me, I guess it must be all those years of Spring Sing. At the end of each song near the end of the last thirty minutes I felt like my legs were going to give in, but something drove me… then I understood why my old roommate would spend hours playing basketball with people he didn’t know…

So I am a seminary student in the Bible belt at a somewhat evangelical school. I turned down a pie auction where there would be no single women that weren’t widowed, and you know what… it was all worth it. I don’t think I have had that much fun in years.  

Sin

I was thinking this morning of the center of sin. CS Lewis thought of this as Pride as the opposing end of humility. This is one of the more orthodox ideas of the center of sin. Recent Systematic Theologians think of it differently (Cottrell, Grenz). I like the idea of Pride or moreso, Vanity. I do prefer the term Vanity instead of Pride, Pride can be a positive thing where Vanity is the dark side of Pride. However, it seems to me this does not describe the center as thoroughly as necessary.

If you ask someone what is stronger Pride or Fear I wonder what they would say. Does one’s Fear come from Pride, or does Pride come from Fear. This of it this way, one individual fears being abandoned and in turn chooses to respond to this by abandoning everyone in their life before they themselves are abandoned, or maybe even latching onto relationships and smothering people. This either way is a response of Fear. Pride then, how does it function in turn? Pride is what tells people that everything that happens to them is their own fault, it must be. Take the child who’s father or mother leave them. Forever believing that they (the child) are the reason, a child thinks first of themselves, that is how children are. So when anything happens in their world it must be their fault because they are at the center of the world, and nothing can happen in it without their specific action. Thus, when divorce happens it is often recommended tell the child over and over again almost to the point you are beating her or him over the head with it because that is how long it will take for them to understand.

Someone tells me they are moving out and finding their own apartment instead of rooming with me, is that my fault or not. Well it depends. This person tells me they need more space for their things or don’t find the privacy adequate. Sure that is fine, but does that have to do with me. My pride tells me yes, obviously they are moving because I did something, if only I were a better roommate it wouldn’t have happened and I wouldn’t be a lone. However in fact it has nothing to do with me, they need more space because they have a lot of stuff and are introverted so require a lot of time alone. In the end it has less to do with me than either (btw this is all hypothetical for anyone who knows me personally).

The last two stories interact with both fear and pride. The trigger in these situations is often fear instead of pride however the pride with what magnifies the situation. Think of two mirrors facing each other. When you walk between them you magnify infinitely. Think of one mirror as fear the other as pride, constantly feeding off each other magnifying each other.

The child feels abandoned which triggers fear, and then being self centered thinks obviously that it is his fault which is pride. Children are however different than adult, they are allotted a certain about of pride and fear, inasmuch as they grow out of it. Adults, however, should realize we are not the center of the world nor do we have control over everything.

If the roommate who stays around is bitter forever with the old friend, or begins to try and manipulate the other into staying they are acting in both a negative fear and pride(which I like to call Vanity).

well, I have been waiting for some big theological point to hit me, and many have but to turn them into good posts would require a lot of research I am not willing to do. So I will tell you about my day.

I forgot about the resetting of the clock today until I looked at my computer this morning and it had reset itself. It was cool though becaues I woke at 8 pre reset time which really meant 7. I don't leave for church until 10:30 so I had plenty of time to get stuff done, and I did.

I filled out a timesheet for my current practicum, my practicum this semester involves the power of prayer. I found last night at three AM an email that asked me to prepare the worship experience for church this morning, last night I did some small things but lets face it, it was late So I was planning on just throwing something together this morning. Well, it turned out I had time to do better, so I put together a nice little litany of songs and readings, Biblical, Creedal, and prayer, all oriented toward missions. I go to a house church so we can do things like that, and that makes it not strange that I am planning the worship experience. I also reedited a letter that I will send to Acedemic affairs at school.

Church went really well this morning, some of our church family from Searcy was in town today so it rocked. We watched a DVD on the housechurch movement in China. Hearing what they had to say reminded me of the first few chapters of the book of Acts.

After church a friend of mine invited me to a Taize worship at a local Episcopal church. It is a neat service, focused completely on prayer.

I have been struggling in prayer, it is almost like I am wrestling to keep my mind clear. Of course when I am through this I will not be called Israel. Prayer, when I think about how easy it is, I am reminded of the difficulties thereof. Prayer is ascendance into the throneroom of God so for me not something to be taken into lightly. I grew up praying simple requests of God. God help me on this test, God help me please my parents, God make that girl like me. To the last he said to me "Justin, I don't make people like me, why would I make them like you?" Currently I think of prayer as relationship, what do I think of people who always want something from me. I don't have God grace but I have to believe that he wants more of a relationship than a child to santa clause. This causes me to have an issue with praying over meals in public or when I am rushed, because I don't know how to make prayer rushed. Currently I am seaking God and I ask that he make me a light in the darkness.
Anyway
God Bless

lines I like with a little edge

Coolest lines
Remember when thinking of lines to add to this list, there has to be an edge to the lines that make them cool. Not like the guy in the PG-13 movie who you really hope makes it, but the guy in the Rated R movie you’re not so sure you know if you like yet.

I’m your huckleberry (Doc, Tombstone)
I have not yet begun to defile myself (Doc, Tombstone)
[…I love you!] I know! (Han, episode V)
Who’s your daddy, yes I am! (Zoot suit riot, Cherry Poppin Daddies)
Lots of people talking but few of them know, the soul of a woman was created below (Dazed and confused, Led Zeppelin)
Yes its true, this man has no d*ck (Peter, Ghostbusters)
How tall are you? [5 foot six sir] I didn’t know they stacked sh*t that high (Full metal jacket)
Ha ha ha Mikey, but if you call to soon you might scare off a beautiful baby who’s ready to party (Trent, Swingers)
And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee (either God in numerous prophets, or Samuel L Jackson from Pulp fiction, it works both ways)
[you do own rubber gloves] No I rent them with the option to buy (Fletch, Fletch)
[why don't you just go by Mike instead of Michael?] No way! Why should I change? He's the one who sucks. (Michael Bolton, Office space)
Its not that I want to kill her, I just don’t want her alive anymore (Stewie, Family guy)
Leave the Gun; take the cannoli (The Godfather)
Some day, and that day may never come, I will call upon you to do a service for me. But uh, until that day, accept this justice as a gift on my daughter's wedding day." (Vito, the Godfather)
Don Corleone, I am honored and grateful that you have invited me to your home on the wedding day of your daughter. May their first child be a masculine child (Luca Brasi, The Godfather)

What other lines do you think?

I am trying to post a picture my friend Mark took of me and Sarah. I can't say Sarah is the most faithful but she can be a comfort, she has a husband you know, Abraham, she pecks the feathers off his head so I often don't put pics of him up he tends to look slightly like a vulchure. It isn't neccissarily bad she overgrooms him, that is something bird mates do. I think I am going to end up making this pic my profile pic my other is absolutely horrid, and this one is a bit better.

Today I had Abraham up on my shoulder and I took him to the bathroom so he could look at himself in the big mirror, and I tried to nudge him from behind my head to my shoulder, and he flew off, which happens, and since his wings are clipped he tends to go at an angle down, he can't get even lift. He ended up in an open toilet. Scared me to death, I don't think he can swim and it was way to deep, instantaniously my hand was below him and lifting him out of the water. I had strong feelings over the incident, and remember that if you want to make some post about a bird in a toilet. You see, these animals depend on me to sustain their life, I feed them, clean them, and make sure they are safe. I don't think of it as a God to man relationship but as a parent to child relationship. I can't imagine these animals though they aren't always nice to me being hurt and especially it being my fault. Abe was a lot more docile, but I am sure it was because he was shaken up pretty badly. I am a single so I don't have children, I spent two years as a children's minister but I am sure that is different. I still had this inherent fear in me when we went on field trips when I was in charge, thinking, "I can barely keep my life together what about these kids." That is part of the reason I got the birds, to learn to take care of another living being. I think I will be a neurotic father, at least in the beginning. Anyway I am generally not this open on the blog but I am in an open mood, I can always remove the post later if I need to.
My first word when the bird hit the water was "shit!" and my first feeling was fear. There was no question as to whether I was going to put my hand in the toilet or even give it a thought, the movements were almost instantanious. I hate to lose people and things that are meaningful to me, especially people and things I love. Sometimes this gets me in trouble because I get over protective.

On another note, have you ever listened to the words of the song "one for my baby, and one more for the road" The singer is alone in the bar... he lost someone he loved. He has no real good way to deal with it, so he listens to music and drinks. The last lines say it perfect

Well, that's how it goes
And joe I know you're gettin' anxious to close
So thanks for the cheerI hope you didn't mind
My bending your ear

But this torch that I found
It's gotta be drowned
Or it soon might explode
So make it one for my baby
And one more for the road

Through the many singers, Frank does it best.

WARNING: I don't like to ruin anyone's movie experiences so if you have not seen Serenity yet
1. it is a really good movie
2. this post may have some spoilers

More than anything else, this is a question. I really liked the movie, it gripped me and the plot had a lot of little twists that I thought were cool.

Here is my question, I am expecting responces from all those around me who watch movies, B this means you too. If the Reavers are such bad whack jobs, killing people and eating them and stuff, how is it that they can fly ships and work together in them without killing each other?

A Frank Sinatra Day

Well, allowing myself time to wind down, if was a good day. It was a pretty easy day light with a bit of frustration in the middle.

Let me give you the happy ending, went to see Serenity, it was great, and equally as great the trailer for The Chronicles of Narnia. So I sit here to tell you a story imagine that I have Frank Sinatra playing in the background, because… well do I really need a reason?

Went shoe shopping, I hate shoe shopping. Mainly because everything is so blasted expensive. So I find all the shoes in the store that are 49.99  a lot of new balance shoes, problem is I just don’t tend to wear that type of shoe. You know what I like? I like the original blue and beige airwalks, basic shoes, dark and powerful. Last pair I got was from payless for 24.00. Wasn’t that easy this time, Payless didn’t have daily wear shoes I cared for. So I started looking at all the other stores which is wear I ran into the New Balances for 49.99. I waffled between two shoes stores at the oak court mall, one more sporty one not. Both places people were falling over themselves asking me if I needed shoes or something. I actually tried two pair of those new Balance shoes not, nothing against them morally, just not my bag. See, I am not trying to make a statement with my shoes, I have small non imposing feet and I like to keep it that way. I don’t cotton to runner style athletic shoes, they are great but just not me. I even own a pair of New Balance shoes, if I should ever run, they are so comfortable, not for daily wear. So then I went to the other store nothing I was willing to pay for, maybe it is just cause I am cheap, or poor one of the two.  

Now here is the rub, I went to footlocker next, very little prompting in buying shoes. I looked found two pair of soccer style shoes that I would be willing to wear, I think they fit my definition of classy, and take into account NB lovers it is my definition and I am not really that popular so it probably speaks better for you that I don’t like them.

Take into account I don’t wear a watch because I have a phone with a clock on it, but I think I had been looking for two hours at least, I can do that, too many blasted choices. I hate making choices, this was one of the few times I wished I was married so I could have some woman who knew me just pick me a pair that goes with the majority of my apparel. So finally I get someone to respond to me at footlocker, ask for my whopping 8 ½’s. I tried them on, a little too tight, “hmm maybe they will stretch, I should compare them to a 9” while I was also thinking, “the service here is terrible and I almost don’t want to buy anything here because of that” it took me another ten minutes to get a hold of someone to get me a nine. While conversing with the lady next to me about how I hate shopping for shoes I was informed there were no 9’s in that shoe but they had it in the white ones. I told him politely that I don’t wear white it gets too dirty too fast, only dark colors. But I figured I was going to buy shoes that day because I had spent so much time anyway. So, I went back to payless.

No one bothers me in payless, and all the shoes are out so I find a pair of cheapo’s that resemble the old scetchers I had just a pair of black casual shoes, I think they are classy enough, they might even look expensive and they were only 20.00. So After all that, I was exhausted. I think the problem for me is that there are too many choices, it is easier when (like in payless) there is one style of each type of shoe. Anyway, this is my story.

So now as I prepare to sleep I will fast forward my CD to “One for my Baby, one for the road,” and go to bed.

And I am supposed to be excited because she is wearing a backpack?

Went dancing tonight

Went dancing tonight, I know that the folk who went to harding with me know of my skillz via spring sing, but there is still a lot for me to learn. So anyway I went to this place where they teach for free on Wednesday nights and learned the Charleston last week, learned the East Coast Six Step, and the Lindy Hop. Now the East Coast Six Step was pretty easy but the other two are difficult. Around the end of the night I noticed I was doing the single Charleston, but making very little headway with the Lindy Hop. I know there are 8 counts and in theory I know where my feet are supposed to go, but I end up pretty much just spinning in a circle, and getting very dizzy. Regardless, I am exhausted, so I am going to go to bed.

Holy Holy Holy

Holy, holy, holy, Lord God Almighty! Early in the morning our song shall rise to Thee; Holy, holy, holy! Merciful and mighty! God in three persons, blessed Trinity!

Today in Chapel the guy who spoke to us told us about a guy named Heiber. An Anglican minister who won a poetry award as a child. He believed that praising God should be done appropriately and fully in the songs we sing. He wrote many songs that he seldom ever heard. His church never wanted to go the direction he did. They later asked him to go to India and he died there, the year that Holy Holy Holy was first published.

We sang that song today in chapel, the original version with the Trinitarian end. While singing in chapel I heard the voices of the angels around the throne singing Holy Holy Holy is the Lord God almighty. I felt the weight of God’s glory, and tears began to appear in my eyes.

I don’t completely know what it is about that song, I don’t know if it is the music that the song is sung to or the angelic words that are always associated to the throne of God. Holy Holy Holy…

What is and what should never be

When I have free time or when I am stressed or just emotionally bound up I find that doing crafts helps me center. It gives me a chance to invoke the creative part of my brain. Tonight I chose to make a new set of prayer beads. So I hopped in my car and went to Michael’s (it is a craft place) and on the way home saw a wreck at the top of Cherry Road keeping me from turning left. I ended up having to go through the light and find a parallel street to run south below cherry and cross over Rhoads. The first street I turned into was shaped like a U, it spit me right out back on Park so I had to pass the wreck again, this time slowing down to get a good look, and take a right on Fair Meadow, which spits me out right below the Grad school.

The story is not the important part of my post, what is important is what went through my mind, “Damn, this is going to slow me down.” Well you might raise a lot of questions, but it was simply the truth. Now I suppose different people will find different problems with that phrase, there is a problem with that phrase though you may not agree with me on it.

That phrase ignores the fact that the people in the wreck are human beings whose lives will be forever changed because of this incident. There were three cars in this wreck, and one of which was very thoroughly crushed against a light post. I wonder if the people in the wreck walked away?

It is easy to state simply that people need to be more careful drivers, but that doesn’t involve everyone in the accident most of the time, and even if it did, will this event effect their lives any less? I listen to the radio during rush hour, especially during the rain, because a lot of delays are from wrecks. I will listen to the radio then adjust my route if I can, if I cannot I sit in traffic complaining that “this must have happened because they knew I was coming, this must only happen when I take this road.”

By centralizing my importance in the world, being the sun around which it revolves, the people around me are constructed only for my service. Think of it this way. There is a world, not unlike the Truman show, where all the people are made in light of me. They function and act in one manner when I am around, and are non-existent when I am not. As a figment of one great mind that fears being alone, he has created a world around himself and a delusion that goes with it. The wreck then being a function of a higher brained individual who, if it is not me, for his fantasy to continue must have my schedule thrown off for some reason, and that is just not acceptable, so if it is you, stop it.

Then, there is the idea that there are a bunch of omnipotent beings watching me for study or laugh, somewhat like the movie Darkcity. This is a negative form of the reality.

Then there is the other option. Where the world doesn’t revolve around me, traffic is just traffic, and the people that got hurt in that accident are currently in a more difficult situation than me so I need to get over it. I have stopped traffic because of a wreck I caused, and the last thing I wanted to feel was embarrassment because people were pissed I wrecked their night. I am not the center of the world, so I seek to find my true size, so that I can associate with other mere mortals like myself.

To fry or not to fry

I went to the Shelby County Mid-south fair tonight. It was fun, I don’t do the ride thing much, not that I don’t like them but I mainly go for the food, and it is nice to be amongst the people when I get a chance to leave my ivory tower.

I love fairs, the food is always so great, and it is so difficult to make a decision, especially in Memphis Tennessee. Memphis has wonderful food, and the stuff I like the most isn’t the stuff that one eats if they are looking into living a long time. There were Brats, Italian Sausage, Corndogs, Ribs, Shoulder, Chicken on sticks, and I had a Gyro. They it was all right, the problem was that the cucumber sauce had too much sour cream in it. But the greatest thing about Memphis (of course there are probably other places too) is the propensity to deep-frying anything that tastes good. A few years ago they started deep frying Twinkies, then they figured, “hmm it worked with the Twinkies, lets do other things.” Tonight I chose (because more than one deep fried treat is like eating death in pancake batter) a deep friend Snicker bar. WOW, it was sort of weird when I started eating it, but by the time I was on my last bite, it had become indescribable.

As for the rest of Memphis and their food, there is always Topp’s Barbeque, Exlines Pizza, Barbeque shop, Corky’s, Huey’s, Memphis style hot wings, Memphis Pizza Café. Then there are all the places on Beale, on any weekend there is a blues concert on the corner. I have grown to really like Memphis the few years I have been here. There is a wonderfully eclectic nature to it. The best places don’t really exist anywhere else, and if they have turned into a chain, the best is always the first place it started. Like the Corky’s in East Memphis and the Huey’s in Midtown. Now to add to the list, Fried desserts at the fair.