Just a little rant to Jesus...

I have a lot going on, but not a lot to say. I am pushing through one of those difficult times, a lot of questioning and soul searching.
I was sitting on the balcony outside my apartment the other day, I live a block away from the hospital in which I work, and I heard an ambulance rushing, lights on, to the hospital. I used to get frustrated when I passed them on the streets or if I had to wait for them in traffic. I would get angry if I missed a light because of an ambulance or a fire truck. But that day sitting on the balcony I wondered... I wondered, "God what are you going to do about this one." When I see an ambulance head toward the local children's hospital connected to the Methodist hospitals in Memphis, I think back to the first call I answered to it. Now when I see an ambulance I think of people, I think of mothers and fathers, I think of doctors and nurses, I think of social workers and case workers, I think of Emergency Medical Teams, I think of Chaplains. I think of all the lives that will be affected by what is happening. I think of all the lives effected when someone tries to beat a train and misses, when a young boy misjudges the space he has while riding his four wheeler. Sometimes I think of adult deaths where no one shows up to pay respects. I think of standing inside the room of a forgotten elderly person who was just happy to have someone to vent to one week earlier and now lies dead. I think of the mother that just heard there are five tumors instead of one but wants to be strong for her family, or the father who has just lost his oldest child. Once a patient told me they saw my face transfigured in a dream, that would be nice. See I think I am starting to understand original sin. Maybe it isn't like a gene passed down from person to person but it is a problem passed down because we are fallen. Because of that one sin maybe man is totally depraved. Sometimes the only way that I can get through a day is to think... Calvin wasn't completely wrong. We live in a fallen world, and that world will continue to get worse and worse, what is the powers and principalities that we wage war against. I see our falleness, our original sin every day... that is why I am such a fan of grace... I don't believe the world is going to get any better, but... I think people can. I don't know, maybe this doesn't make any sense, just the rant of a tired man looking for answers. When John wrote his Apocolypse he seemed to think the only thing that could change his world was God, forgive me if I say, this world is apocolyptic, the only thing that could possibly change it is the presense of God. But people that is a different story, maybe we can relate to people... maybe every day we can touch lives, something beyond just knocking on doors of people we don't know or just telling people they need to change, but interacting with their life and letting them see that we care. That is, if we really do care? So God, what are you going to do now?