Changing the world, one feeling at a time

I have been reading a theory by a guy named Murrey Bowen, his idea is called "Family Systems." The basic premise is that each family system has anxiety, and the way we manage that anxiety relates to the level of differentiation of each member of the family. As a whole it is not individualistic, however is a system made up by people who are individuals. One basic contention is that we cannot change the way our family interracts. but only the way we interact within the family system. We then best effect the system by paying attention to our own emotional reactivity, not ignoring our emotions but acknowledging them then choosing to respond from a principled stand as opposed to our own emotional reactivity. I react to people more often than interact with them. I can respond either abusivly or passive aggressivly because I am reacting to my own emotions. Someone might call me and tell me they are angry because of something I said, my first inclination is to defend what I said instead of listening to why they are angry. If I truly listen to what they say I might realize something I had done might have been insensative or impropper. I might also realize they may have misunderstood what I am saying either because they didn't want to hear or I was unclear, or both. Of course in that situation there were probably many instances where I didn't want to hear and misunderstood someone else. Often in that case I don't respond until later, I will let my anxiety settle and then choose how I am going to respond, if I am not emotionally reacive.

But in no way is this individualistic. People, especially children act out many different roles in a family, saint, mascott, problem child, good kid, etc... However to change the system parents can get more in touch with themselves ie. their realtionship with their own parents, either living or dead. Another way sympoms manifest in a sytem is physically, through sickness, lets say I grew up sick and when I quit being sick someone else became sick, then when they got over it someone else was sick. That turns into a way for the family to focus the anxiety of a system. When the anxiety is focussed on the sick one then it isn't bothering others.

Anyway this is a bad rendition of Bowen but I was thinking about this in a larger situation, lets say the country. The United States is one big system, and a very anxious one at that. How do we repair the anxiety of America? I wonder if Bowen would say work on myself? Do what I can to personally act out of a principle stand, and in doing that others around me might begin to do that, and over a few generations the system has righted itself. All I can do is work on me, I can't fix other people and often when I try to tell other people how to fix things they cuss me out, so why not just focus on me being the best me I can be, meaning, I act not react, I work hard myself, I treat other people with respect... Maybe...