if you read this, if your eyes are passing over this right now, (even if we don't speak often) please post a comment with a COMPLETELY MADE UP AND FICTIONAL memory of you and me. It can be anything you want – good or bad – BUT IT HAS TO BE FAKE. When you're finished, post this little paragraph on your blog and be surprised (or mortified) about what people DON'T ACTUALLY remember about you
I pulled this from hillarygayle's livejournal. I don't care if you post it on your blog but i think it can be intersting, espcially with all the things I have actually done.
Wednesday, November 30, 2005
Friday, November 25, 2005
Backpacking in Blaze Orange
Backpacking in Blaze Orange
Thanksgiving, flying home for Thanksgiving can be expensive if you also have to fly home for Christmas two weeks later, so I went backpacking instead. Thanksgiving can be a big day for hunters I guess, I really wouldn’t know I have never been hunting but my buddy had and recommended we Backpack in blaze orange just incase we get mistaken for an oversized 8 point.
We went to Land Between the Lakes and hiked about 17 miles of the Fort Henry Trail, about two and a half years ago I did the whole 26 miles with some other friends so I knew the trail well enough.
On the first day we hiked 11 miles, which is which, for me, is huge. I felt like I had really accomplished something as we sat later in the campsite. We went farther because there wasn’t water where I thought there would be, where there was two and a half years earlier, it had dried up or was simply drainage. Anyway there was no water, so we hiked a mile and a half farther than was the plan. The last mile and a half was on a ridge called the Devils Backbone. It isn’t as bad as it sounds it was actually pretty easy there are a few cool sections where is looks like we were hiking over a stegosaurus.
Anyway, we finally found water and set up camp. We then counted our miles and sat around the campfire I ate mac and cheese. It was getting cooler and cooler so I dawned my wool poncho on top of all the thermal and fleece stuff I was already wearing. Fell asleep around 8 in my 20 degree bag, woke up around 3 and put on more clothes because the temperature dropped like a rock off a giants bald spot. Around 4 woke up and decided to leave the tent for a second, went to unzip the outer zipper and found it had frozen. So I worked with it for a while because I really really desired to get out of the tent as quickly as possible. Finally got out stood straight up and the cold air felt like a brick against the forehead. So I took a tiny walk and returned to the tent, and my sleeping bag had never been so wonderful, so warm, and my mat so comfortable and I slept well till 7.
Woke up, my buddy made coffee, I don’t like strong coffee generally but it was hot and I was freezing. We took down camp, I left a stone as a witness that we had been there and we hiked out of the camp at the base of the Devil’s Backbone. We found out then from some hunters that at Land Between the Lakes offers dear hunting two days a year to like 1000 people. And those two days come the day after we leave, Saturday and Sunday.
So six miles later my buddy and I were in pain but finished. It was a great trip, and the greatest thing is that I finished. It feels so good to do because I am not incredibly athletic and have to work very hard at being healthy, I really feel good about completing goals that I set that have to do with my health. I exceeded my desires by going two miles longer than I thought and 11 miles on the first day. The second day I felt good (good means pretty sore in the legs but able to move), and I finished what I started.
When I need to I can divide my motivation in two. My body tells me that I can’t make it and it hurts too much, my head tells my body it will die if it doesn’t kick into survival mode.
What is Joy, knowing that my reserve can be stronger than my flesh.
Thanksgiving, flying home for Thanksgiving can be expensive if you also have to fly home for Christmas two weeks later, so I went backpacking instead. Thanksgiving can be a big day for hunters I guess, I really wouldn’t know I have never been hunting but my buddy had and recommended we Backpack in blaze orange just incase we get mistaken for an oversized 8 point.
We went to Land Between the Lakes and hiked about 17 miles of the Fort Henry Trail, about two and a half years ago I did the whole 26 miles with some other friends so I knew the trail well enough.
On the first day we hiked 11 miles, which is which, for me, is huge. I felt like I had really accomplished something as we sat later in the campsite. We went farther because there wasn’t water where I thought there would be, where there was two and a half years earlier, it had dried up or was simply drainage. Anyway there was no water, so we hiked a mile and a half farther than was the plan. The last mile and a half was on a ridge called the Devils Backbone. It isn’t as bad as it sounds it was actually pretty easy there are a few cool sections where is looks like we were hiking over a stegosaurus.
Anyway, we finally found water and set up camp. We then counted our miles and sat around the campfire I ate mac and cheese. It was getting cooler and cooler so I dawned my wool poncho on top of all the thermal and fleece stuff I was already wearing. Fell asleep around 8 in my 20 degree bag, woke up around 3 and put on more clothes because the temperature dropped like a rock off a giants bald spot. Around 4 woke up and decided to leave the tent for a second, went to unzip the outer zipper and found it had frozen. So I worked with it for a while because I really really desired to get out of the tent as quickly as possible. Finally got out stood straight up and the cold air felt like a brick against the forehead. So I took a tiny walk and returned to the tent, and my sleeping bag had never been so wonderful, so warm, and my mat so comfortable and I slept well till 7.
Woke up, my buddy made coffee, I don’t like strong coffee generally but it was hot and I was freezing. We took down camp, I left a stone as a witness that we had been there and we hiked out of the camp at the base of the Devil’s Backbone. We found out then from some hunters that at Land Between the Lakes offers dear hunting two days a year to like 1000 people. And those two days come the day after we leave, Saturday and Sunday.
So six miles later my buddy and I were in pain but finished. It was a great trip, and the greatest thing is that I finished. It feels so good to do because I am not incredibly athletic and have to work very hard at being healthy, I really feel good about completing goals that I set that have to do with my health. I exceeded my desires by going two miles longer than I thought and 11 miles on the first day. The second day I felt good (good means pretty sore in the legs but able to move), and I finished what I started.
When I need to I can divide my motivation in two. My body tells me that I can’t make it and it hurts too much, my head tells my body it will die if it doesn’t kick into survival mode.
What is Joy, knowing that my reserve can be stronger than my flesh.
Monday, November 14, 2005
Dancing the night away
Yesterday was an annual Associated women of Harding event in Memphis, called the “Pie auction.” It is a fund raiser for something or another, I went last year it was pretty exciting I ate a lot of pie and chili. There is a small expectation for me to go because I am part of the Student Association at Harding Grad school. This year when it came about and they said, “are you going to the pie auction?” I had to reply with, “no I already had plans.” In which they reply, “Oh, what are you doing?” and to that I respond, “Going dancing.”
People often tell me I need to exercise, the problem with exercise is that unless there is a specific goal, like, currently I am training to go backpacking so I do some stuff every day, but if there is no tangible goal then there is no motivation to me. In December I will begin my regiment of running again so I can run a 5K in March. So people tell me, “find a sport you like.” Problem is, the sport they are always talking about is Basketball, or Racket Ball, or Mountain Biking (which I don’t have the equipment for). It always shocked me that I currently have friends who go play at an undisclosed location in Memphis every Tuesday night for a few hours just because they like it, I went once hated it. Some guys love it so much they go to the “precinct.” They put up a dozen basketball courts by the police precinct, or at least one of them. They play during the summer and warm enough months all night and all day without stop. There would be games going on at 2:00 in the morning some nights. My buddy Andy (in Searcy) used to go play “pick up” games, and I just never understood. Of course I never understood because I don’t really care of it.
So I danced for three and a half hours on Saturday night. I have written before that I have gotten into swing dancing. I absolutely love it. I am getting good enough to actually enjoy it without having to think too much about it. I spent the entire night doing one kind of dance, it just so happened I could throw in enough natural spins and tuck turns to shake it up. The “New Memphis Hep Cats” played the dance there were probably 100 people there, some were ballroom type folks, I don’t have a problem with them, but I ran into them often enough (. I actually danced until my legs began to hurt and I was completely out of breath. I was drinking enough water to swim in and sweating like… hmm need a good simile… like all the men in my family sweat, of course no reason to be self conscience because everyone else if they don’t currently, will sweat heavily if they dance a lot.
Anyway this is a long post to tell you how much I have really enjoyed this, I found a type of exercise that really jives with me, I guess it must be all those years of Spring Sing. At the end of each song near the end of the last thirty minutes I felt like my legs were going to give in, but something drove me… then I understood why my old roommate would spend hours playing basketball with people he didn’t know…
So I am a seminary student in the Bible belt at a somewhat evangelical school. I turned down a pie auction where there would be no single women that weren’t widowed, and you know what… it was all worth it. I don’t think I have had that much fun in years.
People often tell me I need to exercise, the problem with exercise is that unless there is a specific goal, like, currently I am training to go backpacking so I do some stuff every day, but if there is no tangible goal then there is no motivation to me. In December I will begin my regiment of running again so I can run a 5K in March. So people tell me, “find a sport you like.” Problem is, the sport they are always talking about is Basketball, or Racket Ball, or Mountain Biking (which I don’t have the equipment for). It always shocked me that I currently have friends who go play at an undisclosed location in Memphis every Tuesday night for a few hours just because they like it, I went once hated it. Some guys love it so much they go to the “precinct.” They put up a dozen basketball courts by the police precinct, or at least one of them. They play during the summer and warm enough months all night and all day without stop. There would be games going on at 2:00 in the morning some nights. My buddy Andy (in Searcy) used to go play “pick up” games, and I just never understood. Of course I never understood because I don’t really care of it.
So I danced for three and a half hours on Saturday night. I have written before that I have gotten into swing dancing. I absolutely love it. I am getting good enough to actually enjoy it without having to think too much about it. I spent the entire night doing one kind of dance, it just so happened I could throw in enough natural spins and tuck turns to shake it up. The “New Memphis Hep Cats” played the dance there were probably 100 people there, some were ballroom type folks, I don’t have a problem with them, but I ran into them often enough (. I actually danced until my legs began to hurt and I was completely out of breath. I was drinking enough water to swim in and sweating like… hmm need a good simile… like all the men in my family sweat, of course no reason to be self conscience because everyone else if they don’t currently, will sweat heavily if they dance a lot.
Anyway this is a long post to tell you how much I have really enjoyed this, I found a type of exercise that really jives with me, I guess it must be all those years of Spring Sing. At the end of each song near the end of the last thirty minutes I felt like my legs were going to give in, but something drove me… then I understood why my old roommate would spend hours playing basketball with people he didn’t know…
So I am a seminary student in the Bible belt at a somewhat evangelical school. I turned down a pie auction where there would be no single women that weren’t widowed, and you know what… it was all worth it. I don’t think I have had that much fun in years.
Sunday, November 06, 2005
Sin
I was thinking this morning of the center of sin. CS Lewis thought of this as Pride as the opposing end of humility. This is one of the more orthodox ideas of the center of sin. Recent Systematic Theologians think of it differently (Cottrell, Grenz). I like the idea of Pride or moreso, Vanity. I do prefer the term Vanity instead of Pride, Pride can be a positive thing where Vanity is the dark side of Pride. However, it seems to me this does not describe the center as thoroughly as necessary.
If you ask someone what is stronger Pride or Fear I wonder what they would say. Does one’s Fear come from Pride, or does Pride come from Fear. This of it this way, one individual fears being abandoned and in turn chooses to respond to this by abandoning everyone in their life before they themselves are abandoned, or maybe even latching onto relationships and smothering people. This either way is a response of Fear. Pride then, how does it function in turn? Pride is what tells people that everything that happens to them is their own fault, it must be. Take the child who’s father or mother leave them. Forever believing that they (the child) are the reason, a child thinks first of themselves, that is how children are. So when anything happens in their world it must be their fault because they are at the center of the world, and nothing can happen in it without their specific action. Thus, when divorce happens it is often recommended tell the child over and over again almost to the point you are beating her or him over the head with it because that is how long it will take for them to understand.
Someone tells me they are moving out and finding their own apartment instead of rooming with me, is that my fault or not. Well it depends. This person tells me they need more space for their things or don’t find the privacy adequate. Sure that is fine, but does that have to do with me. My pride tells me yes, obviously they are moving because I did something, if only I were a better roommate it wouldn’t have happened and I wouldn’t be a lone. However in fact it has nothing to do with me, they need more space because they have a lot of stuff and are introverted so require a lot of time alone. In the end it has less to do with me than either (btw this is all hypothetical for anyone who knows me personally).
The last two stories interact with both fear and pride. The trigger in these situations is often fear instead of pride however the pride with what magnifies the situation. Think of two mirrors facing each other. When you walk between them you magnify infinitely. Think of one mirror as fear the other as pride, constantly feeding off each other magnifying each other.
The child feels abandoned which triggers fear, and then being self centered thinks obviously that it is his fault which is pride. Children are however different than adult, they are allotted a certain about of pride and fear, inasmuch as they grow out of it. Adults, however, should realize we are not the center of the world nor do we have control over everything.
If the roommate who stays around is bitter forever with the old friend, or begins to try and manipulate the other into staying they are acting in both a negative fear and pride(which I like to call Vanity).
If you ask someone what is stronger Pride or Fear I wonder what they would say. Does one’s Fear come from Pride, or does Pride come from Fear. This of it this way, one individual fears being abandoned and in turn chooses to respond to this by abandoning everyone in their life before they themselves are abandoned, or maybe even latching onto relationships and smothering people. This either way is a response of Fear. Pride then, how does it function in turn? Pride is what tells people that everything that happens to them is their own fault, it must be. Take the child who’s father or mother leave them. Forever believing that they (the child) are the reason, a child thinks first of themselves, that is how children are. So when anything happens in their world it must be their fault because they are at the center of the world, and nothing can happen in it without their specific action. Thus, when divorce happens it is often recommended tell the child over and over again almost to the point you are beating her or him over the head with it because that is how long it will take for them to understand.
Someone tells me they are moving out and finding their own apartment instead of rooming with me, is that my fault or not. Well it depends. This person tells me they need more space for their things or don’t find the privacy adequate. Sure that is fine, but does that have to do with me. My pride tells me yes, obviously they are moving because I did something, if only I were a better roommate it wouldn’t have happened and I wouldn’t be a lone. However in fact it has nothing to do with me, they need more space because they have a lot of stuff and are introverted so require a lot of time alone. In the end it has less to do with me than either (btw this is all hypothetical for anyone who knows me personally).
The last two stories interact with both fear and pride. The trigger in these situations is often fear instead of pride however the pride with what magnifies the situation. Think of two mirrors facing each other. When you walk between them you magnify infinitely. Think of one mirror as fear the other as pride, constantly feeding off each other magnifying each other.
The child feels abandoned which triggers fear, and then being self centered thinks obviously that it is his fault which is pride. Children are however different than adult, they are allotted a certain about of pride and fear, inasmuch as they grow out of it. Adults, however, should realize we are not the center of the world nor do we have control over everything.
If the roommate who stays around is bitter forever with the old friend, or begins to try and manipulate the other into staying they are acting in both a negative fear and pride(which I like to call Vanity).
Sunday, October 30, 2005
well, I have been waiting for some big theological point to hit me, and many have but to turn them into good posts would require a lot of research I am not willing to do. So I will tell you about my day.
I forgot about the resetting of the clock today until I looked at my computer this morning and it had reset itself. It was cool though becaues I woke at 8 pre reset time which really meant 7. I don't leave for church until 10:30 so I had plenty of time to get stuff done, and I did.
I filled out a timesheet for my current practicum, my practicum this semester involves the power of prayer. I found last night at three AM an email that asked me to prepare the worship experience for church this morning, last night I did some small things but lets face it, it was late So I was planning on just throwing something together this morning. Well, it turned out I had time to do better, so I put together a nice little litany of songs and readings, Biblical, Creedal, and prayer, all oriented toward missions. I go to a house church so we can do things like that, and that makes it not strange that I am planning the worship experience. I also reedited a letter that I will send to Acedemic affairs at school.
Church went really well this morning, some of our church family from Searcy was in town today so it rocked. We watched a DVD on the housechurch movement in China. Hearing what they had to say reminded me of the first few chapters of the book of Acts.
After church a friend of mine invited me to a Taize worship at a local Episcopal church. It is a neat service, focused completely on prayer.
I have been struggling in prayer, it is almost like I am wrestling to keep my mind clear. Of course when I am through this I will not be called Israel. Prayer, when I think about how easy it is, I am reminded of the difficulties thereof. Prayer is ascendance into the throneroom of God so for me not something to be taken into lightly. I grew up praying simple requests of God. God help me on this test, God help me please my parents, God make that girl like me. To the last he said to me "Justin, I don't make people like me, why would I make them like you?" Currently I think of prayer as relationship, what do I think of people who always want something from me. I don't have God grace but I have to believe that he wants more of a relationship than a child to santa clause. This causes me to have an issue with praying over meals in public or when I am rushed, because I don't know how to make prayer rushed. Currently I am seaking God and I ask that he make me a light in the darkness.
Anyway
God Bless
I forgot about the resetting of the clock today until I looked at my computer this morning and it had reset itself. It was cool though becaues I woke at 8 pre reset time which really meant 7. I don't leave for church until 10:30 so I had plenty of time to get stuff done, and I did.
I filled out a timesheet for my current practicum, my practicum this semester involves the power of prayer. I found last night at three AM an email that asked me to prepare the worship experience for church this morning, last night I did some small things but lets face it, it was late So I was planning on just throwing something together this morning. Well, it turned out I had time to do better, so I put together a nice little litany of songs and readings, Biblical, Creedal, and prayer, all oriented toward missions. I go to a house church so we can do things like that, and that makes it not strange that I am planning the worship experience. I also reedited a letter that I will send to Acedemic affairs at school.
Church went really well this morning, some of our church family from Searcy was in town today so it rocked. We watched a DVD on the housechurch movement in China. Hearing what they had to say reminded me of the first few chapters of the book of Acts.
After church a friend of mine invited me to a Taize worship at a local Episcopal church. It is a neat service, focused completely on prayer.
I have been struggling in prayer, it is almost like I am wrestling to keep my mind clear. Of course when I am through this I will not be called Israel. Prayer, when I think about how easy it is, I am reminded of the difficulties thereof. Prayer is ascendance into the throneroom of God so for me not something to be taken into lightly. I grew up praying simple requests of God. God help me on this test, God help me please my parents, God make that girl like me. To the last he said to me "Justin, I don't make people like me, why would I make them like you?" Currently I think of prayer as relationship, what do I think of people who always want something from me. I don't have God grace but I have to believe that he wants more of a relationship than a child to santa clause. This causes me to have an issue with praying over meals in public or when I am rushed, because I don't know how to make prayer rushed. Currently I am seaking God and I ask that he make me a light in the darkness.
Anyway
God Bless
Thursday, October 20, 2005
lines I like with a little edge
Coolest lines
Remember when thinking of lines to add to this list, there has to be an edge to the lines that make them cool. Not like the guy in the PG-13 movie who you really hope makes it, but the guy in the Rated R movie you’re not so sure you know if you like yet.
I’m your huckleberry (Doc, Tombstone)
I have not yet begun to defile myself (Doc, Tombstone)
[…I love you!] I know! (Han, episode V)
Who’s your daddy, yes I am! (Zoot suit riot, Cherry Poppin Daddies)
Lots of people talking but few of them know, the soul of a woman was created below (Dazed and confused, Led Zeppelin)
Yes its true, this man has no d*ck (Peter, Ghostbusters)
How tall are you? [5 foot six sir] I didn’t know they stacked sh*t that high (Full metal jacket)
Ha ha ha Mikey, but if you call to soon you might scare off a beautiful baby who’s ready to party (Trent, Swingers)
And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee (either God in numerous prophets, or Samuel L Jackson from Pulp fiction, it works both ways)
[you do own rubber gloves] No I rent them with the option to buy (Fletch, Fletch)
[why don't you just go by Mike instead of Michael?] No way! Why should I change? He's the one who sucks. (Michael Bolton, Office space)
Its not that I want to kill her, I just don’t want her alive anymore (Stewie, Family guy)
Leave the Gun; take the cannoli (The Godfather)
Some day, and that day may never come, I will call upon you to do a service for me. But uh, until that day, accept this justice as a gift on my daughter's wedding day." (Vito, the Godfather)
Don Corleone, I am honored and grateful that you have invited me to your home on the wedding day of your daughter. May their first child be a masculine child (Luca Brasi, The Godfather)
What other lines do you think?
Remember when thinking of lines to add to this list, there has to be an edge to the lines that make them cool. Not like the guy in the PG-13 movie who you really hope makes it, but the guy in the Rated R movie you’re not so sure you know if you like yet.
I’m your huckleberry (Doc, Tombstone)
I have not yet begun to defile myself (Doc, Tombstone)
[…I love you!] I know! (Han, episode V)
Who’s your daddy, yes I am! (Zoot suit riot, Cherry Poppin Daddies)
Lots of people talking but few of them know, the soul of a woman was created below (Dazed and confused, Led Zeppelin)
Yes its true, this man has no d*ck (Peter, Ghostbusters)
How tall are you? [5 foot six sir] I didn’t know they stacked sh*t that high (Full metal jacket)
Ha ha ha Mikey, but if you call to soon you might scare off a beautiful baby who’s ready to party (Trent, Swingers)
And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee (either God in numerous prophets, or Samuel L Jackson from Pulp fiction, it works both ways)
[you do own rubber gloves] No I rent them with the option to buy (Fletch, Fletch)
[why don't you just go by Mike instead of Michael?] No way! Why should I change? He's the one who sucks. (Michael Bolton, Office space)
Its not that I want to kill her, I just don’t want her alive anymore (Stewie, Family guy)
Leave the Gun; take the cannoli (The Godfather)
Some day, and that day may never come, I will call upon you to do a service for me. But uh, until that day, accept this justice as a gift on my daughter's wedding day." (Vito, the Godfather)
Don Corleone, I am honored and grateful that you have invited me to your home on the wedding day of your daughter. May their first child be a masculine child (Luca Brasi, The Godfather)
What other lines do you think?
Tuesday, October 18, 2005
I am trying to post a picture my friend Mark took of me and Sarah. I can't say Sarah is the most faithful but she can be a comfort, she has a husband you know, Abraham, she pecks the feathers off his head so I often don't put pics of him up he tends to look slightly like a vulchure. It isn't neccissarily bad she overgrooms him, that is something bird mates do. I think I am going to end up making this pic my profile pic my other is absolutely horrid, and this one is a bit better.
Today I had Abraham up on my shoulder and I took him to the bathroom so he could look at himself in the big mirror, and I tried to nudge him from behind my head to my shoulder, and he flew off, which happens, and since his wings are clipped he tends to go at an angle down, he can't get even lift. He ended up in an open toilet. Scared me to death, I don't think he can swim and it was way to deep, instantaniously my hand was below him and lifting him out of the water. I had strong feelings over the incident, and remember that if you want to make some post about a bird in a toilet. You see, these animals depend on me to sustain their life, I feed them, clean them, and make sure they are safe. I don't think of it as a God to man relationship but as a parent to child relationship. I can't imagine these animals though they aren't always nice to me being hurt and especially it being my fault. Abe was a lot more docile, but I am sure it was because he was shaken up pretty badly. I am a single so I don't have children, I spent two years as a children's minister but I am sure that is different. I still had this inherent fear in me when we went on field trips when I was in charge, thinking, "I can barely keep my life together what about these kids." That is part of the reason I got the birds, to learn to take care of another living being. I think I will be a neurotic father, at least in the beginning. Anyway I am generally not this open on the blog but I am in an open mood, I can always remove the post later if I need to.
My first word when the bird hit the water was "shit!" and my first feeling was fear. There was no question as to whether I was going to put my hand in the toilet or even give it a thought, the movements were almost instantanious. I hate to lose people and things that are meaningful to me, especially people and things I love. Sometimes this gets me in trouble because I get over protective.
On another note, have you ever listened to the words of the song "one for my baby, and one more for the road" The singer is alone in the bar... he lost someone he loved. He has no real good way to deal with it, so he listens to music and drinks. The last lines say it perfect
Well, that's how it goes
And joe I know you're gettin' anxious to close
So thanks for the cheerI hope you didn't mind
My bending your ear
But this torch that I found
It's gotta be drowned
Or it soon might explode
So make it one for my baby
And one more for the road
Through the many singers, Frank does it best.
Sunday, October 16, 2005
WARNING: I don't like to ruin anyone's movie experiences so if you have not seen Serenity yet
1. it is a really good movie
2. this post may have some spoilers
More than anything else, this is a question. I really liked the movie, it gripped me and the plot had a lot of little twists that I thought were cool.
Here is my question, I am expecting responces from all those around me who watch movies, B this means you too. If the Reavers are such bad whack jobs, killing people and eating them and stuff, how is it that they can fly ships and work together in them without killing each other?
Saturday, October 15, 2005
A Frank Sinatra Day
Well, allowing myself time to wind down, if was a good day. It was a pretty easy day light with a bit of frustration in the middle.
Let me give you the happy ending, went to see Serenity, it was great, and equally as great the trailer for The Chronicles of Narnia. So I sit here to tell you a story imagine that I have Frank Sinatra playing in the background, because… well do I really need a reason?
Went shoe shopping, I hate shoe shopping. Mainly because everything is so blasted expensive. So I find all the shoes in the store that are 49.99 a lot of new balance shoes, problem is I just don’t tend to wear that type of shoe. You know what I like? I like the original blue and beige airwalks, basic shoes, dark and powerful. Last pair I got was from payless for 24.00. Wasn’t that easy this time, Payless didn’t have daily wear shoes I cared for. So I started looking at all the other stores which is wear I ran into the New Balances for 49.99. I waffled between two shoes stores at the oak court mall, one more sporty one not. Both places people were falling over themselves asking me if I needed shoes or something. I actually tried two pair of those new Balance shoes not, nothing against them morally, just not my bag. See, I am not trying to make a statement with my shoes, I have small non imposing feet and I like to keep it that way. I don’t cotton to runner style athletic shoes, they are great but just not me. I even own a pair of New Balance shoes, if I should ever run, they are so comfortable, not for daily wear. So then I went to the other store nothing I was willing to pay for, maybe it is just cause I am cheap, or poor one of the two.
Now here is the rub, I went to footlocker next, very little prompting in buying shoes. I looked found two pair of soccer style shoes that I would be willing to wear, I think they fit my definition of classy, and take into account NB lovers it is my definition and I am not really that popular so it probably speaks better for you that I don’t like them.
Take into account I don’t wear a watch because I have a phone with a clock on it, but I think I had been looking for two hours at least, I can do that, too many blasted choices. I hate making choices, this was one of the few times I wished I was married so I could have some woman who knew me just pick me a pair that goes with the majority of my apparel. So finally I get someone to respond to me at footlocker, ask for my whopping 8 ½’s. I tried them on, a little too tight, “hmm maybe they will stretch, I should compare them to a 9” while I was also thinking, “the service here is terrible and I almost don’t want to buy anything here because of that” it took me another ten minutes to get a hold of someone to get me a nine. While conversing with the lady next to me about how I hate shopping for shoes I was informed there were no 9’s in that shoe but they had it in the white ones. I told him politely that I don’t wear white it gets too dirty too fast, only dark colors. But I figured I was going to buy shoes that day because I had spent so much time anyway. So, I went back to payless.
No one bothers me in payless, and all the shoes are out so I find a pair of cheapo’s that resemble the old scetchers I had just a pair of black casual shoes, I think they are classy enough, they might even look expensive and they were only 20.00. So After all that, I was exhausted. I think the problem for me is that there are too many choices, it is easier when (like in payless) there is one style of each type of shoe. Anyway, this is my story.
So now as I prepare to sleep I will fast forward my CD to “One for my Baby, one for the road,” and go to bed.
And I am supposed to be excited because she is wearing a backpack?
Sunday, October 09, 2005
Went dancing tonight
Went dancing tonight, I know that the folk who went to harding with me know of my skillz via spring sing, but there is still a lot for me to learn. So anyway I went to this place where they teach for free on Wednesday nights and learned the Charleston last week, learned the East Coast Six Step, and the Lindy Hop. Now the East Coast Six Step was pretty easy but the other two are difficult. Around the end of the night I noticed I was doing the single Charleston, but making very little headway with the Lindy Hop. I know there are 8 counts and in theory I know where my feet are supposed to go, but I end up pretty much just spinning in a circle, and getting very dizzy. Regardless, I am exhausted, so I am going to go to bed.
Wednesday, October 05, 2005
Holy Holy Holy
Holy, holy, holy, Lord God Almighty! Early in the morning our song shall rise to Thee; Holy, holy, holy! Merciful and mighty! God in three persons, blessed Trinity!
Today in Chapel the guy who spoke to us told us about a guy named Heiber. An Anglican minister who won a poetry award as a child. He believed that praising God should be done appropriately and fully in the songs we sing. He wrote many songs that he seldom ever heard. His church never wanted to go the direction he did. They later asked him to go to India and he died there, the year that Holy Holy Holy was first published.
We sang that song today in chapel, the original version with the Trinitarian end. While singing in chapel I heard the voices of the angels around the throne singing Holy Holy Holy is the Lord God almighty. I felt the weight of God’s glory, and tears began to appear in my eyes.
I don’t completely know what it is about that song, I don’t know if it is the music that the song is sung to or the angelic words that are always associated to the throne of God. Holy Holy Holy…
Monday, October 03, 2005
What is and what should never be
When I have free time or when I am stressed or just emotionally bound up I find that doing crafts helps me center. It gives me a chance to invoke the creative part of my brain. Tonight I chose to make a new set of prayer beads. So I hopped in my car and went to Michael’s (it is a craft place) and on the way home saw a wreck at the top of Cherry Road keeping me from turning left. I ended up having to go through the light and find a parallel street to run south below cherry and cross over Rhoads. The first street I turned into was shaped like a U, it spit me right out back on Park so I had to pass the wreck again, this time slowing down to get a good look, and take a right on Fair Meadow, which spits me out right below the Grad school.
The story is not the important part of my post, what is important is what went through my mind, “Damn, this is going to slow me down.” Well you might raise a lot of questions, but it was simply the truth. Now I suppose different people will find different problems with that phrase, there is a problem with that phrase though you may not agree with me on it.
That phrase ignores the fact that the people in the wreck are human beings whose lives will be forever changed because of this incident. There were three cars in this wreck, and one of which was very thoroughly crushed against a light post. I wonder if the people in the wreck walked away?
It is easy to state simply that people need to be more careful drivers, but that doesn’t involve everyone in the accident most of the time, and even if it did, will this event effect their lives any less? I listen to the radio during rush hour, especially during the rain, because a lot of delays are from wrecks. I will listen to the radio then adjust my route if I can, if I cannot I sit in traffic complaining that “this must have happened because they knew I was coming, this must only happen when I take this road.”
By centralizing my importance in the world, being the sun around which it revolves, the people around me are constructed only for my service. Think of it this way. There is a world, not unlike the Truman show, where all the people are made in light of me. They function and act in one manner when I am around, and are non-existent when I am not. As a figment of one great mind that fears being alone, he has created a world around himself and a delusion that goes with it. The wreck then being a function of a higher brained individual who, if it is not me, for his fantasy to continue must have my schedule thrown off for some reason, and that is just not acceptable, so if it is you, stop it.
Then, there is the idea that there are a bunch of omnipotent beings watching me for study or laugh, somewhat like the movie Darkcity. This is a negative form of the reality.
Then there is the other option. Where the world doesn’t revolve around me, traffic is just traffic, and the people that got hurt in that accident are currently in a more difficult situation than me so I need to get over it. I have stopped traffic because of a wreck I caused, and the last thing I wanted to feel was embarrassment because people were pissed I wrecked their night. I am not the center of the world, so I seek to find my true size, so that I can associate with other mere mortals like myself.
The story is not the important part of my post, what is important is what went through my mind, “Damn, this is going to slow me down.” Well you might raise a lot of questions, but it was simply the truth. Now I suppose different people will find different problems with that phrase, there is a problem with that phrase though you may not agree with me on it.
That phrase ignores the fact that the people in the wreck are human beings whose lives will be forever changed because of this incident. There were three cars in this wreck, and one of which was very thoroughly crushed against a light post. I wonder if the people in the wreck walked away?
It is easy to state simply that people need to be more careful drivers, but that doesn’t involve everyone in the accident most of the time, and even if it did, will this event effect their lives any less? I listen to the radio during rush hour, especially during the rain, because a lot of delays are from wrecks. I will listen to the radio then adjust my route if I can, if I cannot I sit in traffic complaining that “this must have happened because they knew I was coming, this must only happen when I take this road.”
By centralizing my importance in the world, being the sun around which it revolves, the people around me are constructed only for my service. Think of it this way. There is a world, not unlike the Truman show, where all the people are made in light of me. They function and act in one manner when I am around, and are non-existent when I am not. As a figment of one great mind that fears being alone, he has created a world around himself and a delusion that goes with it. The wreck then being a function of a higher brained individual who, if it is not me, for his fantasy to continue must have my schedule thrown off for some reason, and that is just not acceptable, so if it is you, stop it.
Then, there is the idea that there are a bunch of omnipotent beings watching me for study or laugh, somewhat like the movie Darkcity. This is a negative form of the reality.
Then there is the other option. Where the world doesn’t revolve around me, traffic is just traffic, and the people that got hurt in that accident are currently in a more difficult situation than me so I need to get over it. I have stopped traffic because of a wreck I caused, and the last thing I wanted to feel was embarrassment because people were pissed I wrecked their night. I am not the center of the world, so I seek to find my true size, so that I can associate with other mere mortals like myself.
Friday, September 30, 2005
To fry or not to fry
I went to the Shelby County Mid-south fair tonight. It was fun, I don’t do the ride thing much, not that I don’t like them but I mainly go for the food, and it is nice to be amongst the people when I get a chance to leave my ivory tower.
I love fairs, the food is always so great, and it is so difficult to make a decision, especially in Memphis Tennessee. Memphis has wonderful food, and the stuff I like the most isn’t the stuff that one eats if they are looking into living a long time. There were Brats, Italian Sausage, Corndogs, Ribs, Shoulder, Chicken on sticks, and I had a Gyro. They it was all right, the problem was that the cucumber sauce had too much sour cream in it. But the greatest thing about Memphis (of course there are probably other places too) is the propensity to deep-frying anything that tastes good. A few years ago they started deep frying Twinkies, then they figured, “hmm it worked with the Twinkies, lets do other things.” Tonight I chose (because more than one deep fried treat is like eating death in pancake batter) a deep friend Snicker bar. WOW, it was sort of weird when I started eating it, but by the time I was on my last bite, it had become indescribable.
As for the rest of Memphis and their food, there is always Topp’s Barbeque, Exlines Pizza, Barbeque shop, Corky’s, Huey’s, Memphis style hot wings, Memphis Pizza Café. Then there are all the places on Beale, on any weekend there is a blues concert on the corner. I have grown to really like Memphis the few years I have been here. There is a wonderfully eclectic nature to it. The best places don’t really exist anywhere else, and if they have turned into a chain, the best is always the first place it started. Like the Corky’s in East Memphis and the Huey’s in Midtown. Now to add to the list, Fried desserts at the fair.
I love fairs, the food is always so great, and it is so difficult to make a decision, especially in Memphis Tennessee. Memphis has wonderful food, and the stuff I like the most isn’t the stuff that one eats if they are looking into living a long time. There were Brats, Italian Sausage, Corndogs, Ribs, Shoulder, Chicken on sticks, and I had a Gyro. They it was all right, the problem was that the cucumber sauce had too much sour cream in it. But the greatest thing about Memphis (of course there are probably other places too) is the propensity to deep-frying anything that tastes good. A few years ago they started deep frying Twinkies, then they figured, “hmm it worked with the Twinkies, lets do other things.” Tonight I chose (because more than one deep fried treat is like eating death in pancake batter) a deep friend Snicker bar. WOW, it was sort of weird when I started eating it, but by the time I was on my last bite, it had become indescribable.
As for the rest of Memphis and their food, there is always Topp’s Barbeque, Exlines Pizza, Barbeque shop, Corky’s, Huey’s, Memphis style hot wings, Memphis Pizza Café. Then there are all the places on Beale, on any weekend there is a blues concert on the corner. I have grown to really like Memphis the few years I have been here. There is a wonderfully eclectic nature to it. The best places don’t really exist anywhere else, and if they have turned into a chain, the best is always the first place it started. Like the Corky’s in East Memphis and the Huey’s in Midtown. Now to add to the list, Fried desserts at the fair.
Tuesday, September 27, 2005
Does God forgiive sins?
As a Christian forgiveness is a large part of my theology, from the beginning I understand that I live in a fallen world with a lot of situations that could work better. I accept that often I will sin and sometimes I will really sin. Some people say that there is no one sin that is greater than others, I disagree but that is ok those people are still fine and dandy. Now, often I don’t think the sins we think are the biggies God would call the biggies. For a lot of people, me included forgiveness is difficult. Growing up with a bootstrap mentality, I was raised to take care of myself to be self-sufficient. As a Christian I am not self-sufficient, the BEST I can do still requires the sacrificing of Jesus the Christ. I am fine and dandy with this for everyone else, no one is perfect, everyone will make mistakes, don’t be so hard on yourself, its progress not perfection, and the true glorification will be in heaven but, when it comes to me… there is no excuse. Forgiveness is a chore, now I know that there are some people out there who say, “I don’t have a hard time accepting that I am forgiven I love it, then I don’t have to worry about anything.” Well if a statement like that exists in your theology, this post is not for you. I do not begrudge you and in truth I someday hope to be like you but for right now, just smile and nod while you read.
I know many and have been one who sits in worship on Sunday morning, this Sunday morning in fact overburdened by my sin, waiting for a sign from God that tells me I am forgiven so that I can once again experience the joy of salvation, in that equating forgiveness and warm fuzzies. If I am not experiencing the warm fuzzyness of God then I must still be sitting unforgiven for my iniquities. I really can’t deal with God again until my guilt is lifted. Well, a little guilt is never a bad thing. There are two kinds, Paul tells us in the second correspondence to the Corinthians, of guilt that is. There is a godly guilt and a human guilt. One helps us to build character the other is the tails side of the coin flip of pride. Pride is then twofold, one the cocky son of a “what cha ma call
it” the other is the manure that the world revolves around. My life sucks so bad, you need to hear about it, over and over and over, I have no skillz, girls won’t like me if I’m myself, these things are all the second form of pride. It is that side of pride and the people that suffer from it that have a hard time accepting forgiveness, needing a sign, because in truth everything they have ever done is so someone will give them some attention whether it is positive or negative.
We then have a hard time without hearing that we are loved or forgiven believing it because we need to be told constantly, otherwise it feels like rejection, which in this belief is obviously because of the sin we commit.
But the problem is God doesn’t like to be made to serve the negative system. With the acceptance of Jesus Christ into our lives through our baptism, God’s wrath against us is appeased, and we are washed and made, as the song says it, white as snow. There is no work we can do there is nothing we can say to feel forgiven, to feel saved, there is faith that says we are saved.
Brother Lawrence was often quoted on forgiveness, “ When he sinned he confessed it to God with these words, ‘I can do nothing better without you. Please keep me from falling and correct the mistakes I make.’ After that he did not feel guilty about the sin (practice of the presence 15).”
“Brother Lawrence was aware of his sins and not at all surprised by them. ‘That is my nature,’ he would say, ‘The only thing I know how to do.’ He simply confessed his sins to God without pleading with him or making excuses. After this he was able to resume his regular activity of love and adoration. If brother Lawrence didn’t sin, he simply thanked God for it because only God’s grace could keep him from sinning (practice of the presence 16-17).”
Brother Lawrence must have been a wonderfully faithful individual because I don’t feel good unless I have pled, but then it is based off of my works, if my pleading is good enough God might forgive me.
Knowing forgiveness must be an old problem because it appears in liturgies, I was reading in the Book of Common Prayer:
“The Almighty and merciful Lord grant you Absolution and Remission of all your sins, true repentance, amendment of life, and the grace and consolation of his Holy Spirit. Amen. (Book of Common prayer, 1945, 24)
Absolution is important to a lot of people, I think God gives us the ability to be ministers of absolution, No, I don’t mean we forgive sins, but with faith we can declare sins forgiven. Then there is the other aspect of repentance, turning the other direction, walking a different way, a living amends… But I have already kept you long enough.
Saturday, September 24, 2005
what do I have in stock for you?
My friend Jeremy and I like to throw parties. We are currently planning our party for Halloween, the theme will be, “Come join us at the Salem Witch trials. It should be a fun filled night. There will be all sorts of fun events, natural and unnatural. Anyway in prep for this party, a few weeks in advance, Jeremy an I built a set of stocks. It is a working set of stocks, we cut the holes a little bigger than they needed to be so no idiot gets stuck.
I am sure some of you are saying, “Justin you are in graduate school, when do you have time to build stocks?” to you I say I have had a very stressful week, and building stuff relaxes me… so get over it, or you can test my guitine later, I might even have a rack that you can go for a ride on (
Monday, September 19, 2005
I went for a sweat t
I went for a sweat this past weekend. I really get a lot out of them, this was my second. I might get tired of them later but for now I like em. Any way if you have never been to one I recommend finding some Native American friends and go, do it the old way, if all the people are white find another sweat.
The sweat this past weekend was in this small non-town in Mississippi, about twenty minutes south of Carthage, in Neshoba county, right at the end of the Choctaw reservation. There were five of us there for the sweat, it was small but still powerful. The guy who normally runs the sweat wasn’t there, he was ill so it was run by my friend Mac. The thing is it was one Native American and four white guys. I thought that was funny. I got to bless the fire, so I prayed with tobacco in hand sprinkled it on the fire then got down to light it, twenty minutes later after I had let Mac down to light it the fire started. When I found out that Mark and his nephew weren’t coming, the two who usually run the sweat, I volunteered to carry the rocks from the fire to the lodge. At first I was glad to give back, at second I was afraid I wasn’t going to be able to do the job. Imagine a fire with 40 volcanic rocks in it, I could feel the heat burning my stomach as I leaned over it with the pitchfork to get the rocks. After the first two rounds it wasn’t so bad. The fire died down and I got used to the quickest way to get the stones out of the fire. By the third round I still didn’t look professional but I got it done.
The downside of carrying the stones is that I have to leave the lodge between the rounds. If I spend the entire time in the lodge, the heat change even with the door open isn’t as drastic if you stay in the lodge. Going from 120 to 75 over and over again then standing over the hot fire is a little different. I was happy to serve though. Since I got to just soak up the sweat last time, I wanted to help.
The sweat runs in this way:
The fire is started a few hours before the sweat starts
We are covered with smoke from singed sage
We enter the lodge crawling
The door man brings in the first seven stone while everyone is quiet in respect for the grandfather stones.
The first round is prayer for oneself
The second round is for men to pray
The third round is for women to pray- They always joke that those are the hardest rounds because since women have to go through childbirth they can take a lot more heat than men.
The last round is the thank you round and all prayer in thanking God for the sweat and all his gifts, very often in this time I thank him a lot for water.
Anyway it is deeper than that but I would be surprised if anyone is still reading.
The sweat this past weekend was in this small non-town in Mississippi, about twenty minutes south of Carthage, in Neshoba county, right at the end of the Choctaw reservation. There were five of us there for the sweat, it was small but still powerful. The guy who normally runs the sweat wasn’t there, he was ill so it was run by my friend Mac. The thing is it was one Native American and four white guys. I thought that was funny. I got to bless the fire, so I prayed with tobacco in hand sprinkled it on the fire then got down to light it, twenty minutes later after I had let Mac down to light it the fire started. When I found out that Mark and his nephew weren’t coming, the two who usually run the sweat, I volunteered to carry the rocks from the fire to the lodge. At first I was glad to give back, at second I was afraid I wasn’t going to be able to do the job. Imagine a fire with 40 volcanic rocks in it, I could feel the heat burning my stomach as I leaned over it with the pitchfork to get the rocks. After the first two rounds it wasn’t so bad. The fire died down and I got used to the quickest way to get the stones out of the fire. By the third round I still didn’t look professional but I got it done.
The downside of carrying the stones is that I have to leave the lodge between the rounds. If I spend the entire time in the lodge, the heat change even with the door open isn’t as drastic if you stay in the lodge. Going from 120 to 75 over and over again then standing over the hot fire is a little different. I was happy to serve though. Since I got to just soak up the sweat last time, I wanted to help.
The sweat runs in this way:
The fire is started a few hours before the sweat starts
We are covered with smoke from singed sage
We enter the lodge crawling
The door man brings in the first seven stone while everyone is quiet in respect for the grandfather stones.
The first round is prayer for oneself
The second round is for men to pray
The third round is for women to pray- They always joke that those are the hardest rounds because since women have to go through childbirth they can take a lot more heat than men.
The last round is the thank you round and all prayer in thanking God for the sweat and all his gifts, very often in this time I thank him a lot for water.
Anyway it is deeper than that but I would be surprised if anyone is still reading.
Thursday, September 15, 2005
Growing up I had a specifc view of the use of the Rosary in Roman Catholocism, being from a restorationist heritage in a protestant country this is pretty normal. What I had always been told is "they just tell their sins to a priest and he tells em how many times to pray to Mary and forgives em of their sins." Anyone who has studied any form of Eastern or Western Orthodox/ Catholic faiths will see vaious mistakes in the statement. One of the things that is most annoying to me is the statement that the Catholics pray to Mary, this statement has a hint of truth in it, that being, Pray and Mary, but Mary is the intercessor not the means of salvation, nor is the Rosary the means of salvation.
I have been looking into the Catholic Rosary and the Orthodox prayer rope to see why. Because it seems to me that mantra style praying has benefits to it. One obvious benefit is the ability to still the heart, the second is to clear the mind. There is this book called the practice of the presense of God by a guy named brother Lawrence. Brother Lawrence talks about his life as a practice of the presense of God. He spent most of the minutes of his monk life in constant prayer, so this gave him a special perspective when he sat down for what we call "devotional times." Since he spent most of his day in intercessory prayer anyway when he sat down to commune with God he cleared his mind and simply dwelt in the presense of God. If someone wants to do this it is recomended they find a Mantra, something like the name of God or a calming word to focus on and clear the mind so that one can truley focus only on God. This takes a lot of work. What I have seen is that the Rosary helps with this.
When I would sit down to pray with no structure around me my mind would wander and I would find that I was hurrying out of prayer to get back to my day, so I wrote a simple prayer liturgy. It involved the statement of faith, the serenity prayer, the "our Father" and some prayers i have written all serving as introductory prayers to right my mind. Oh I also had the prayer of St Francis.
As of late I have discovered the Orthodox Jesus prayer, "Lord Jesus Christ son of God have mercy on me a sinner." One can pray this on a prayer rope or just over and over allowing the words to settle the spirit. Repetition is to lead the devout to three levels. The first level is simple recitation, and stays at this level for some time. The second level is where we begin to pray without distraction. The third level is a level of the heart, not only do we speak the prayer but it is proclaimed in our hearts. I have been told that this can lead to transfiguration, a change of the whole person. I remember hearing stories about the old monks who could feed dangerous animals without fear because the animals saw something within them, St Francis of Asisi for one.
The prayer bead pictures I have posted are called Anglican prayer beads, I chose them for my journey because they allow the prayer to assign the beads the way I choose, I do this because though I don't have theological issue with the hail Mary I am not comfortable with it because I think too much about my religious heritage. Regardless when I finish my prayers, which are always outloud though it might be a whisper, my eyes are closed and there is a peace that surrounds me. On one level if feels like I am in a different world, on another I have gone nowhere.
I want to make it clear that this doesn't mean that I don't freestyle prayer anymore, but I have found I am better focused on it after I have gone through my prayer beads.
Sunday, September 11, 2005
I just got back from
I just got back from seeing “The Exorcism of Emily Rose.” I really enjoyed the movie. Sure there were little annoying things in it that frame it more like a horror film then I think it needed, like the loud noises all the time, obviously added to shock the tar out of the watchers.
The argument bears the phrase, “based on a true story,” remember that means based, and very loosely at that. The original name of the girl is Anneleise Michel. She died in 1976 at the age of 23 during an exorcism that took place in Germany. Her parents and priest were then tried and convicted for short terms in prison for negligence. Anneleise’ story is interesting, you can find it here
The article is called “What really happened to Emily Rose,” and I think it is a worthwhile read for people who want the original story.
I will not go into the movie, about what I liked and didn’t except to say I think it is worth seeing, I will however discuss the metaphysical realm. I listened to and am currently downloading the video of an Exorcism in a Russian Orthodox Church, I have dialup so this might take a while, but I think it might be worth it.
I ask myself why the movie scared me as much as it did, well one is that I have a thing about body contorting; this got me in the ring movies and the grudge. Though I think it is deeper than that. I don’t get scared that Freddy or Jason are coming after me, not even Michael Myers Andy, mainly because I know they are fiction and if they did come after me, my faith tells me that God is bigger than the boogy man. I am not above shaking a crucifix or saying things like “in the name of Jesus get movin,” I say that because whether one believes in an active metaphysical realm or not none will argue it is best to go to God when you are scared. The thing about this realm is, my bible study has lead me to believe in the metaphysical realm. Ephesians is full of interesting phrases like, ruler of the air, battle in the heavenlies, prince and principalities, and on and on and on. Ephesus was the center of worship for Artemis, and other interestingly magical things. Then I take a look at books like, The Scewtape Letters and listening to stories from African missionaries that I trust who swear to demonic exorcisms. This movie gets me because it is not completely out of my opinion on the matter, to me there is rational thought to this. The Bible gives some great names, Devil, Satan, Belial, Beelzebub, Rahiv, Tehom, and some would say there aren’t references far from Tiamat, there is also Behemut and Leviathan. There are princes of the air, there are demons, named Legion. These demons knew Jesus, and had the power to disrupt lives.
But still our modern mind says, “this is just their understanding of epilepsy,” that makes it easy on us to dismiss. Then, who is Jesus fighting in the heavenlies? I am not saying that I think all cases of epilepsy or other psychological issues are demonic possessions, but I must have an opened mind. There is sickness of the body and sickness of the mind so why not the soul? I go back and forth on traditional understandings of the devil, but what do I think of the demonic. We are so quick to take Biblical things, and find a scientific working for them, why? I think it makes it easier on our post enlightenment mind. What would happen if we found out that we were susceptible to not just demonic temptation but to possession. What happens if the war we are in is more than just learning to not be ashamed of Christ in the workplace, or evangelizing the broken soul. What if Hell isn’t the only bad thing that can happen to us? These things make people uncomfortable. I don’t have answers, I have opinions, and there is a good chance I will never post any of them here or even tell you why I have them, my struggle is not to be made an internet story.
When preachers preach about demon possession they ask us about our demons, greed, malice, resentment, pride? They might even go down the list of the seven deadlies and have at it, but is that the limit of the text? What if, the Bible isn’t talking about epilepsy or turrets? What if it is talking about actual demons that want to possess us? That makes me very uncomfortable.
Now lets take it one more step. What if we do consider the seven deadlies as the fruits of demons in some way possessing us, what does that say for spiritual warfare, and what does that say about Grace? I am tired now Goodnght.
The argument bears the phrase, “based on a true story,” remember that means based, and very loosely at that. The original name of the girl is Anneleise Michel. She died in 1976 at the age of 23 during an exorcism that took place in Germany. Her parents and priest were then tried and convicted for short terms in prison for negligence. Anneleise’ story is interesting, you can find it here
The article is called “What really happened to Emily Rose,” and I think it is a worthwhile read for people who want the original story.
I will not go into the movie, about what I liked and didn’t except to say I think it is worth seeing, I will however discuss the metaphysical realm. I listened to and am currently downloading the video of an Exorcism in a Russian Orthodox Church, I have dialup so this might take a while, but I think it might be worth it.
I ask myself why the movie scared me as much as it did, well one is that I have a thing about body contorting; this got me in the ring movies and the grudge. Though I think it is deeper than that. I don’t get scared that Freddy or Jason are coming after me, not even Michael Myers Andy, mainly because I know they are fiction and if they did come after me, my faith tells me that God is bigger than the boogy man. I am not above shaking a crucifix or saying things like “in the name of Jesus get movin,” I say that because whether one believes in an active metaphysical realm or not none will argue it is best to go to God when you are scared. The thing about this realm is, my bible study has lead me to believe in the metaphysical realm. Ephesians is full of interesting phrases like, ruler of the air, battle in the heavenlies, prince and principalities, and on and on and on. Ephesus was the center of worship for Artemis, and other interestingly magical things. Then I take a look at books like, The Scewtape Letters and listening to stories from African missionaries that I trust who swear to demonic exorcisms. This movie gets me because it is not completely out of my opinion on the matter, to me there is rational thought to this. The Bible gives some great names, Devil, Satan, Belial, Beelzebub, Rahiv, Tehom, and some would say there aren’t references far from Tiamat, there is also Behemut and Leviathan. There are princes of the air, there are demons, named Legion. These demons knew Jesus, and had the power to disrupt lives.
But still our modern mind says, “this is just their understanding of epilepsy,” that makes it easy on us to dismiss. Then, who is Jesus fighting in the heavenlies? I am not saying that I think all cases of epilepsy or other psychological issues are demonic possessions, but I must have an opened mind. There is sickness of the body and sickness of the mind so why not the soul? I go back and forth on traditional understandings of the devil, but what do I think of the demonic. We are so quick to take Biblical things, and find a scientific working for them, why? I think it makes it easier on our post enlightenment mind. What would happen if we found out that we were susceptible to not just demonic temptation but to possession. What happens if the war we are in is more than just learning to not be ashamed of Christ in the workplace, or evangelizing the broken soul. What if Hell isn’t the only bad thing that can happen to us? These things make people uncomfortable. I don’t have answers, I have opinions, and there is a good chance I will never post any of them here or even tell you why I have them, my struggle is not to be made an internet story.
When preachers preach about demon possession they ask us about our demons, greed, malice, resentment, pride? They might even go down the list of the seven deadlies and have at it, but is that the limit of the text? What if, the Bible isn’t talking about epilepsy or turrets? What if it is talking about actual demons that want to possess us? That makes me very uncomfortable.
Now lets take it one more step. What if we do consider the seven deadlies as the fruits of demons in some way possessing us, what does that say for spiritual warfare, and what does that say about Grace? I am tired now Goodnght.
Friday, September 09, 2005
One of the first places that I was introduced to in Memphis was Gibson's donuts. After 11:00 the donuts go six for a dollar, and generally they are the donuts that had been cooked a few hours earlier, so they are still in good shape. Well, I have been to Gibson's enough that the woman who works the weekend late shift knows me because of all the time I have spent there. Tonight I was being rung up and was 25 cents short because I bought a large chocolate milk, I asked my friend Jeremy for a quarter and the woman just looked at me and said "like I wouldn't cut you slack for 25 cents." That warmed my heart, see, they have let me get the discount thirty minutes early if no one was around. Sometimes they have given me the discount up to an hour early, and not just the workers, but one of the higher ups has done that for me.
Well tonight I was sitting in there with some friends and one of the cooks came out, pointed at me, and called me to the back. I had never been to the kitchen so I was nervous, then, he gave me a tray of old fashion donuts right out of the oven/greese. STILL HOT!!! I have always considered Gibsons one of my favorite places in Memphis, now they are moving up past Tops Barbeque, and Memphis style hot wings on James and Rangeline. To the people at Gibson's Donuts, YOU ROCK.
Well tonight I was sitting in there with some friends and one of the cooks came out, pointed at me, and called me to the back. I had never been to the kitchen so I was nervous, then, he gave me a tray of old fashion donuts right out of the oven/greese. STILL HOT!!! I have always considered Gibsons one of my favorite places in Memphis, now they are moving up past Tops Barbeque, and Memphis style hot wings on James and Rangeline. To the people at Gibson's Donuts, YOU ROCK.
Thursday, September 08, 2005
One of those days...
I so commonly label days. This was a good day, this was a bad day. I have a history of days that are either good or bad, when in truth they should be neither good or bad. Why do I choose to call one whole day good because of certain events that make my head go into the clouds, or a day that is completely bad because there were some parts of it that I would rather never think of again.
I fight the urge to live in the poles. To make one thing all good or all bad, to make one side all right and one side all wrong. If I end my day with a bad taste in my mouth does that mean my day was bad, if I begin my day with the same bad taste that dissipates middway through does that mean my day was good?
Today was a day, that began badly and ended fine. A day that began isolated and ended connected. But it wasn't a good day nor was it a bad day. It was a day with good things in it and bad things in it, but far from black and white. It isn't even that there is a lot of gray, it is more like there is a lot of red and blue.
I art weary... I will enjoy sleeping, I am looking forward to it.
I wish to you joy and happiness
but above all things, I wish to you
love...
I so commonly label days. This was a good day, this was a bad day. I have a history of days that are either good or bad, when in truth they should be neither good or bad. Why do I choose to call one whole day good because of certain events that make my head go into the clouds, or a day that is completely bad because there were some parts of it that I would rather never think of again.
I fight the urge to live in the poles. To make one thing all good or all bad, to make one side all right and one side all wrong. If I end my day with a bad taste in my mouth does that mean my day was bad, if I begin my day with the same bad taste that dissipates middway through does that mean my day was good?
Today was a day, that began badly and ended fine. A day that began isolated and ended connected. But it wasn't a good day nor was it a bad day. It was a day with good things in it and bad things in it, but far from black and white. It isn't even that there is a lot of gray, it is more like there is a lot of red and blue.
I art weary... I will enjoy sleeping, I am looking forward to it.
I wish to you joy and happiness
but above all things, I wish to you
love...
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